"A-Rich I need to you to t-t-t-take me seriously right now... like as serious as ever,"
"okay whats up bud?"
"I'm not kidding, this is serious..." At this point I'm annoyed
"Dude what the hell do you have to tell me?"
"Dude Trell... Trell's dead..."
"No... no no no no.... your kidding me"
"No I'm not, he died earlier... he... he's gone..."
We talked for a few minutes but nothing else we said mattered after that. I called Biddy to end up talking to Lamar, only to hear Biddy crying in the background. I call Brandon, knowing he's four hours away. It took a few attempts to get a hold of him, but it only hurt to talk to him hearing the state that he was in.
I was like in shock... It was kinda like everything around me just stopped, or it blurred or something, things were just not making sense at all. It amazing some of the things I saw on facebook within hours after the event. You realized how many people were affected.
I'd say I'm a strong person, I've dealt with a lot, I don't really cry. I can honestly say that me and Trell were one of each others' best friends, we were more than that, him, Brandon, Biddy, and myself were a family, are a family, we were accepted as part as his family. I got a lot weaker that day, I didn't cry much, but I still did. This was the single biggest loss I had ever suffered in my life.
I got really pissed off at a lot of people that night, I mean we did, the three of us. When we were invited to drink in his memory by a bunch of people that weren't the friends to him that we are. It was selfish of us no doubt, but we were pissed off, our brother was taken from us and we didn't want to go anywhere to have what could possibly be a good time and we were pissed off that so called friends were doing that. We actually went, and we really had to leave, wasn't our scene that night.
I realized in that selfishness that even though we were the tripod(them being the three legs and me being deemed by Trell as the short arm that points the camera) Trell was a real personal dude. If you didn't like Trell, something was wrong with you, really wrong. He was there for people, he was the muscle in our crew, he was the shoulders, he was a shoulder for everyone. The three of us, hell the four of us because I can't forget Chris lost our shoulders that day.
I so bad wanted to wake up the next day and this be a dream, I'm still in that dream I feel like because it's so surreal. I'm glad I got in touch with God when I did for I would've rejected God after this. Ended up needed God more than ever after this.
We were one day away from all being together. The next day Brandon was gonna be home and we were probably all gonna get trashed together who knows what the hell we would've done, it just would've been great to have us all in the same room again because it had been forever. It would've been just like my junior year when I became part of that crew. The statuesque tradition of movie night. We wasn't always watching a movie but there was always a movie playing. Sometimes it was just us, sometimes it became a party but no matter what it turned into, it was always us. It was our thing, it's what we did and we never did much else because all we ever needed was each other. Always at "Olde Town...my house...third floor...on the couch" as Trell would say. That's where we made our memories and we had plenty more to make.
Every great memory I recall from high school involves these guys, I even remember the first time I ever hung out with them. I was and will always be "token white boy" and they'll always be my niggas, I might not ever call anyone else that... probably shouldn't. I remember when I got to my senior year, I was miserable without them but once they came back it was on. Back to the good old days.
I remember during the wake, I don't know how I ended up at the podium speaking but I did, I had to fight back the tears, he wouldn't want that. I got up there and told about the good times, because Trell was a good times type of guy and I had to do what I could to put a smile on the face of my self and everyone else, that guy was always smiling. I don't get to see that smile anymore, don't get to make anymore stories. I hate that seeing him in a box was the first time I had seen him in way too long. We had just talked a couple days prior, about the weekend too. It was on our agenda to get together.
That funeral service was a hard day. I think that's when it all sunk in. I was one of the honorary pall bearers, Biff, Chris, Biddy, Brandon, and myself. One mentor, one apprentice, and the remaining pieces of the tripod. I sat there, soaking up all that was being said, watering up here and there but never really crying. Until it was over, until we stood up to take one more look and to walk by the family. We were close to that family, we are close to that family. When Trell was in Iowa at school I would still stop by the Olde Towne to see the fam, I was the token white boy to that whole family not just those three. But walking past there was when I lost it, probably the hardest cry I ever cried. I really felt like the whole week of him passing had hit me and the fact that I have to spend the rest of my life without my nigga had all just hit me. It was the single worst feeling I had ever felt. It still hurts.
Brandon, Biddy, and myself shared a hug in the lobby. Tellin' each other that were all we have left, our crew took a major blow there but were still gonna stay strong, he'll keep us that way in spirit. We know that even though we don't spend near as much time together as we used to that shit hasn't changed. There's no doubt in my mind that I'd jump in front of a bullet for those guys and I know they'd do the same.
Trell was that person that you didn't want to let down, if you was messing up, you didn't want to admit it to him. He demanded the best from everyone and did whatever he could to be the best for himself. The promise that Chris made to Trell to get an education outside of Clarksville is the most important promise that Chris will ever keep because that will better him and Trell knew it, and Chris would not let Trell down. Real friends never would and nobody would want to let Trell down because he was trying to look out for everyone. He was the shoulders for everyone.
He held the world up with those shoulders, and when he dropped, so did the world...
I'm gonna recover, I mean I'm done crying. This can't get any worse, God forbid I lose another person. But I can't lose Trell again, I just have to go the rest of my days without him. That's shitty but it's life. To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, shit I hope so. Mourning is just as much a part of life as celebrating, that's something I've learned from this. So I tell our stories of the great times we had to celebrate the life he lived, to celebrate the fact that I know we'll hold movie nights in the sky one day. It's gonna seem like a short time once were there. I'm gonna celebrate the fact that I know that me and the guys have a guardian angel looking over us at all times now because he was that the entire time, but now we just can't see him or speak with him. We don't need to, he knows we love him and we know he loves us.
He told us not to sweat the small stuff, he's probably shaking his head at me right now for being the emotional wreck that I am but I can't help it, now I have to just remember him saying it instead of actually hearing it.
Jeantrell Aushant Byas (11/24/89-12/18/09), "Tiny", number 77, Rest In Paradise my brother... Save some room for me on that sectional couch I'm sure your playin' xbox on for when the rest of us show up...
He loved them head phones, I had to get me a pair as well...
I could never write something good enough, but I had to write something... He'd appreciate it I know he would. My world will always be missing something now, a piece fell off when it dropped and broke, broke my heart but will never break the love I have for mine...
Tripod Forever
-->Alex Richey<--
