Rushing Things

A recap of this past Thursday morning...

So... I don't have class until 1:15 on Thursdays and even though I would love to sleep in and get plenty of rest, I opt to wake up at 9:30 so I can get a good start, get lunch, and study for the exam I'm going to have in that class that day. So 9:30 rolls around and I hit the snooze button, why not? I'm in no rush, clearly. Well the second alarm rolls around and all of a sudden it's 1:40... How does that happen? It doesn't snooze for 10 minutes, but an hour and 10 minutes. Now I jump out of bed, highly pissed. Cussing and going off about how stupid this thing is for doing that, while throwing my clothes on and running out the door. On the way across the street I pass one of the guys and complained about my misfortune and he told me good luck, I guess since I was half an hour late for my exam.. I knew I was screwed. Until I had almost made it an entire block and I pull out my cell phone to come to the realization that it is 9:44 am. I turn around and my buddy sees that I notice the time and we both can't help but laugh. I get back to my room to look at my clock and I was right to freak out, it really did jump four hours. I don't know why, maybe it's some sick joke that the clock does. It sure worked.

The panic and rush I was in was not a pleasant position. I hated that moment and it took a good while to collect myself. But I realize, it's like that for many people, just about everyone. We're always rushing to some place or rushing to get something done and it's always our own fault that were in that position. I realized at the moment I was running to class that it was my own fault that I hit the snooze, it's my own fault every time that I wait until the day before to finish a paper and stay up way too late finishing it. And I know I'm not the only one.

You gotta think, it's just part of life, being rushed. But how many of us purposely do that? Wait until the last minute to write a paper, or leave home to give us just enough time to get to work, or class or wherever we shouldn't be late for. Are we just being lazy or can we not imagine life without being rushed?

Why is everyone always in a rush? Why is everyone always speeding to where they are driving except old people? You don't have to be anywhere when your retired, must be nice. Why is everyone always too busy to do a favor because that small gift of time would mess up what they are doing and all of a sudden they're in even more of a rush?

Why do we rush through life? We make it to where we can't even enjoy it. This crazy busy of a semester with non-stop rushing has made me realize that. I remember move in day to the "T" and it was like two and a half months ago, I wonder where time between now and then went. But then again, I remember almost all of it because it all feels like just yesterday. Yeah, it's nice to be able to recall everything, but it would be much better to actually be able to enjoy most of it. The late night talks with my brothers and all the times of the chanting loud enough for the whole campus to hear it. And of course the times when I get to get my ass kicked in 2k by the dude that's pretty much the reason I even go to this school.

All I'm saying is that we're going to continue to rush through life until it's over before we know it because we never took the time to actually enjoy it. I'm trying to slow down, get things right the first time so I can enjoy some free time afterwards, and just enjoy the aspects of life a little bit more.

I'm starting to learn more and more everyday that life is too good to just rush through, and that I'm at the beginning of the best years of my life right now and I can't afford to mess them up. This is where responsibility really starts.

So go head, live life to the fullest...

-->Alex Richey<--

Getting Unsettled Again

So I know I've been in need of one for a very long time now, well that time is here. College has really got to me, its been crazy and that's kept me from writing and I hate it. When it comes to finding some free time and you can actual relax, or write if your like me, good luck and finding it if you don't wanna be up into the wee hours of the night. I can't lie, I'm having the time of my life and I'm sure it's only going to get better but it takes a lot out of me, not the fun but the school.

I can honestly say I've never really had to try in school, well those days are gone now and never to return I'm sure. Mentally it's a killer. I have spent many of days suffering from mental exhaustion. Staying up until two, three in the morning some nights is just not what I was hoping for, thank God I have the student center to work in which also makes me realize that I'm not the only one.

I have definitely learned a lot here though. And no, it's not to don't pass out with your shoes on.. I've gained much more than scholarly knowledge being here but I have received that too. Life lessons have come along with that as well. I would never have expected so much to happen in only my first month of school but it has, it's just insane.

I've had another example that your friends are definitely more important than females, and I have gotten a real example of brotherhood, a brotherhood that I cannot wait to be a part of. I've definitely learned that high school does not prepare you for college, and Clarksville high School doesn't at all... I know I'm being changed by college, it's bound to happen but it's for the better I can already tell. I was told repeatedly that I would fail here, that I wasn't ready. That is motivation enough, and he was right, I wasn't ready but I'm adjusting and I'm not failing either. It's going to take some work to be where I want to but I have full confidence that I'll be better off with time. I've learned that I can stay true to my faith, despite the fact that many thought college would turn me out. Ask anyone and they'll tell you, I've probably spoken to them about God and what God has done for me.

I think that's helping me to deal with the difficulties here. I have God in my life, just knowing that simple fact makes things better for me. I had a moment where me and this guy who is an alumni in the fraternity that I'm joining got in my face and called me things like stupid and ignorant for being a Christian. The night before when I met him, before he knew my beliefs we were really cool but he judged me on what I believe. I would never force my beliefs on someone, I accept everyone for who they are and if they don't like the same things I do, so be it. Just respect what I believe. I don't think I had ever been so mad in my life, but with some wise words from some wiser people than I, I was fine.

That was definitely a situation I didn't expect to deal with but I'm well over it now. The thing was that I thought he was real cool until that went down. It's things like that that are making me stronger. I lost that argument I admit. I mean, I wasn't trying to convince the guy that what I believed was better than Atheism, I was just trying to get him to respect me but it didn't work. He did whatever he could to put me down. It got to me but it didn't affect my faith. Only made me stronger.

I've had two instances where I have slept in the room with someone that wasn't my roommate. On both instances I behaved. I was proud of myself I guess because I'm sure that a few months ago I may have acted differently. But also I haven't been into treating women like nothing. A relationship right now is probably far from what I need but I'd much rather do that than just get around. That's not the person I'm going to be.

When it comes to back home, yeah I miss it. I miss my boys, I miss my family. I REALLY miss my dog, she can't communicate with me, that's sad. It made me really appreciate home when I went there last weekend and everyone was really happy to see me, I didn't really expect that much. Honestly I feel like the thing I want here that I have back home is my church. I feel lost without Northside here, it sucks. It's not making me act out in ways I wouldn't if I was going to church but I just want the words of wisdom. I'm still reading my Purpose Driven Life, but only for a few more days. After that I'm going to start on the Bible. I hear that's a good one...

Honestly, I'm loving it. This may be the best time of my life already and I know it's only getting better. I can't wait for this evening, it's passover. No, not the Jewish holiday, the day I pledge to my fraternity and become a part of this brotherhood I'm so excited for. It's probably the same reason I woke up so early. That's why this is titled "Getting Unsettled Again" because I'll probably moving out of my dorm tomorrow, but really I'm feeling right at home here. I was having trouble write, hopefully those days are behind me and can get back to putting them out a lot. I feel it's necessary to share what I learn with the world.

I'm starting to learn how I have to do things, school-wise and that's going to set me up for the rest of college and I'll be absolutely fine. I'll have brothers to get my back if I start to fall. The best days of before are not going to compare to the future, and I can't wait. I'm not going to rush though, I'm going to enjoy every moment of it.

"May the best of your todays be the worst of your tomorrows, but we ain't even thinkin' that far yet..." - Jay-Z: Forever Young

-->Alex Richey<--

Yeah, I'm back... Be ready.

New Life

So today, Sunday the 16th (even though it's technically Monday) I was baptized. I'm 18 years old, older than most people that are typically being baptized but I wouldn't want it any other way. The choice was mine.

A year ago, you would've been crazy to think you'd see me in chuch and even a month ago, getting baptized was not something I had even considered. Now it's all different, this is the path for me, this is the person that I want to be and I could not have made a better choice.

When I was young (like child status) I had occasionally been drug into church. It's not like I didn't necessarily want to go, I just didn't understand, wasn't made to understand so I didn't care much, just went and behaved.

As I got older, more into the middle school ages I went a little more often. I would go to the FCA meetings after school and sometimes to the youth groups on Wednesdays. As I look back onto it I see that I really was only there because I had friends there. Sure I sang along with the songs and stuff but I never got the message. I would sit and listen, but I never really heard what was being said, it just wasnt on my wavelength. So I stopped going for a while.

In high school I would go to church occasionally with my grandma, or with my dad and step mom. I could just never get into it and the catholic church was just really not for me. No disrespect to those who are catholic, it's just not my thing. I really tried hard to get into it, go some sundays, go like every wednesday but it never did anything for me.

I never grew up with the most satifying life. For a while things went well but when they started getting at home around the time I was getting into middle school, they never got better. It was like things would appear to be improving and just never did. Like every little promise was being broken. This was kind of motivation for me to get into it but it never worked. My grandma did it, my granny was in church, and my mom was going with my grandma and taking my brothers as well, and my little sisters are going to a catholic school. It was as if I was the only one not getting in touch.

My grandma would ask me to go to church occasionally and I would just to make her happy, she would ask me if I'd like to attend some camps and I would in the best way I could find a reason not to go. I wasn't much for having the stuff shoved down my throat when it wasn't something I was into. My mom would ask me why I never went anymore. My honest excuse was the one I gave her, "it doesn't do anything for me." That was the truth. I had spent time praying, going to church, and paying dues, hoping for things to be looking up, hoping for my miracle that never happened. She accepted it, for she knew how I felt and wouldn't try to force me into although she would have rather me been there.

I had become anti-church. It wasn't that I was atheist because I did believe there was a God, it's just that I didn't believe in that God, didn't believe that it was my God. I was respectful to all those who chose that life style, it was just not my life style. I had tried and tried and it had just never had the effect I had wanted it to so I just shut it out.

I had got to the point where I wasn't gonna look to God for answers, only myself with no consideration for any other way. I had become ambitious, living only for me. I felt as if I was the only person who could make my life better. I didn't like to ever discuss religion with people, especially my family. People want to see someone who loves God, maybe they are envious and impressed sometimes, and I did not want to let anyone down but at the same time I would not avoid being honest so I would therefore feel like an ass for not being what they may want.

I'm not sure when it was that I started hanging out with Michael, sometime when there was still snow on the ground, and I'm not sure when the first time he invited me to church was, I think it was sometime after the snow melted. But I do remember feeling like an ass for being honest with him about my opinion on it. Here is my pretty good friend at the time, not as close as we are now but still someone I hang with a lot, he ask me to go to church with him one day and the only response I have for him is "Church is a hustle to me." and that was my honest opinion. I had gotten out of it so much that I was against it. I had only though of church as something that was designed to get your money. So he left it alone for a while and after inviting me a couple more times I abided and decided to try it out....

I don't remember my first time going to Northside, I was still in my idea of it not being for me, but after going a couple times and attending the Rising occasionally I started to pay attention. I had still never considered my baptism but I was starting to enjoy church somewhat, started to remember what was being talked about, started relating it to my life. Started to actually hear the message.

I remember Easter, my family was mad at me for not going with them but going to Northside for church was what I wanted to do and like I had said, the Catholic church is just not for me. Sure I did feel kind of bad for it but I had to do what is right for me and of course I did not want to turn down brunch with my best friend's family afterwards, the friend that had got me going to church in the first place. I was getting close to graduating, I'm less that a week from moving away now so I started to feel as if I needed to make some decisions on my own.

It started to seem as if faith had a bigger and bigger part in my life as time went on, even though that was not necessarily a big part since I had started from pretty much zero. I remember the long talks with Wendy my manager when I would get off work, this very religious woman, and seeing what she had been through, I listened and I listened very attentively. That helped my growth along with this message I had heard at church in the early part of June about living small, living like Jesus. Matt Allman gave that message and it had hit me harder than any other I had ever heard to that point. I even someone based an older blog on it (post #19) "The Greatness Of Self." After that I had definitely wanted to go to church.

From the later part of June until early/mid part of July I was very busy. Two weeks in Evansville for school, a week home, then a week on vacation. I missed a lot of church in those weeks, and strangely enough, I was not happy about it, I wanted to get back into the church and it was one of the reasons that I wanted to be home.

Shortly after I got home Michael had to go on his church retreat which I had originally wanted to go but could not afford too and was much too tired of being gone. When he came home Steven and I went to the Rising with him that next Sunday to hear about the retreat. These people had all these great stories about how much they had learned while they were there and how much closer they had grown to God. I was greatly envious and I had seen seven people get baptised that evening. That may have been the most amazing thing I had ever seen in my life just to see God have this kind of effect on these people, they were all just so happy... Like they had all just been given new life. It was incredible, it was from that moment that I knew I wanted that in my life. That was two weeks ago.

I had let the days go by just considering it, making a little mention of me wanting to get baptized to a few people, none to my family. I had just felt if I was to tell them before and then not go through with it that I would let them down, and there was still that uncertianty to it.

All that uncertianty had gone this past Friday at the Block when I had spoke to Matt about it. I told him and he thought it was great and he sat me down to have a talk about it. I told him my story in where I had stood my whole life with faith, basically all this typed here and he told me that I was getting baptized Sunday. Strangely it was one of the best things anyone had ever told me. I don't know how or why I got to feeling the way I do but I'm glad I do, I wouldn't have it anyother way. Then he prayed for me, prayed for the decision I had made, prayed for my future life, my new life with Christ. I had never had anyone ever pray for me until then.

He prayed like he was sitting across from God instead of me, prayed like he was talking to one of his buddies. That was something I had never had when I was younger and couldn't get into it. I would pray and instead of talking to God it was more like I was just thinking about what I wanted to pray about to myself. It was one of those things that just made me want to give up. Now I know how to talk to God though and all the doubt is gone.

I was tired of living for only me, I wanted more purpose in my life and I found that purpose with the help of the church, and more importantly and more importantly my friends. Now I have God as that higher purpose and I know I am not doing it alone.

I knew going in there that I wanted Michael to baptize me, or atleast help Matt do it. If not for Michael taking me, I'd never had been in there and if not for the things I had heard Matt say during the Rising and during Sunday mornings I would not have been in that water. All it took was a couple of questions, a couple of confessions. They weren't hard to answer, it was a simple yes or no but it was evidence of how much my life had been changed in such a short time because a few months ago the answers would have been all no.

A part of me feels kind of bad for not telling my family before, but it was the choice I had thought to be the right one. I wanted this for me, not anyone else. I didn't know if it would be the right thng for them to be there because they weren't part of my transition. It also makes me proud that it was a decision that I had made on my own, I wouldn't have done it if I was told do and nobody had ever really suggested it. Sometimes the choices you have to make don't necessarily make everyone happy but you have to live with that because you can't make everyone happy. You gotta make you happy first because you always have to live with yourself.

I'm glad I made the choice I did, there is no empty feeling in my anymore. I hope I can be the inspiration for someone the way my best friend was to me. There can be no better feeling than having a positive impact on someone's life I'm sure. I'm just an example that this is possible, a life with God is possible, and it's the best life to live for me. This is My New Life.

"It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life... for me." -Michael Buble: Feeling Good

-->Alex Richey<--

What Summer Break?

So it's been a minute since I graced the keyboard in this manner, too long of a minute. It's disappointing I know but it was due to forces I could not control, like the weather. Well, I'm back now, back to discuss the time between now and the last post, a lot has gone on, a lot has gone wrong. Somethings in my life are good, somethings in my life, I just don't know exactly what to say about them.

I've really started to miss home. I just graduated high school this year and i should really be having a good time but this summer has been almost nothing but work work work.. On June 18th I went to UE for two weeks for my orientation and a summer class, the EDGE program. That was two weeks long, after that was over, came home for 10 days, then I went to myrtle beach. Yeah it was myrtle beach, nice place but when you have only been home just a little over a week in the past month, there is no place like home. I figured out the other day that I have been away from home this summer about the same amount of time that I have been at home. I haven't started my semester yet, I don't need to get used to it yet, that's just how I feel.

Wednesday marks the start of my final month here at home. I really don't know what to say about that one, I feel like life as I know it is just being yanked out from under my feet, like I'm the dinette set on top of a table clothe and someone is gettin' ready to pull. I'm not gonna land on the table though, I'm gonna fall.

I've been graduated for well over a month now, I have hung out with one person I graduated with, one time. That's all. It's kinda pathetic I know, and it's not necessarily something I like, it's just the way it is. I can honestly say that I have tried to, it just doesn't always work out, I mean something is always wrong somewhere with something. Remember this imperfect life? Nothing is ever perfect, you just have to live it to the best of your abilities.

This past month has just been killer, like major.... Three weeks I have spent away from home, that's three weeks of losing money because if your not making money, then your losing it. Even if your not spending it, your missing an opportunity to make it, a missed opportunity is a loss. This is the worst possible time for it as well, it seems as if everything that cost money is hittin' me right now, I'm glad I paid some bills in advance because I don't know how'd I'd manage paying them along with everything else. I like how the day before I leave for vacation, I blow a tire, and the day I get my tire replaced my antennae falls off... What the hell is up with that?

One thing that is really wrong with this Summer so far is that it has me feeling as if I have already moved away. I was supposed to use it to spend time with my family and the friends that I have right now before I move away and things become different. Things are gonna be different, they already are in a lot of ways and I'm yet to really begin. The summer program doesn't really count, yeah it's a class but I'm home now. I haven't had the opportunity to spend this summer with many of my friends at all, I haven't even really had the opportunity to try. I've talked to some people but it's just not the same... I haven't seen like anybody from clarksville at all this summer, haven't seen Mckenna since the day before she went on vacation, that's over a month and she's been home. I haven't seen Secoy since the day before Mickey left. Man how I miss my boy Mickey Callis. I need to write that dude and I've been slackin, I'm gonna get on that soon though. The last time I saw my cousin was a pretty tragic day, I'd much rather it be a good time.

I'd much rather leave here on a good note in general. Everybody probably has a negative feeling towards me now though because I haven't talked to many of them in a good while. They may get the idea that I consider myself better than them since I'm going away to this private college while the majority of them are staying home. It's not like that at all, I can't help if people don't fit into my life right now, if they really think that I've become some ass hole then they can kiss my ass hole. I don't really care... I'm not legit because I'm going away on a scholarship? I feel like I'm as real as it gets and I'm doing what I can to improve me because that's all it comes down to is looking out for number one.

Life's not easy right now, I feel like I'm getting beat in the head with a blunt object. No, I don't have a headache all the time but it's like I can never find balance, like something is always hitting me, knocking me out of the loop. It's not that I'm scared of the change, I'm just not used to it. Things were the same for a long time and now it's all changing so fast, my body and my mind are struggling to keep up, but they'll catch up eventually. The other day somebody told me that God was testing me. A couple months ago I would've laughed at them... "What God?" I'd probably say... I was starting to feel like religion was just a comfort zone for people who needed to feel like everything actually did happen for a reason. Well now I actually do follow the gospel, sometimes study it. I know I can pass the test, this one I may actually have to study for, that's not something I actually do. Probably the reason I didn't get a higher ranking, maybe I should start to try, start to care.

This whole going out on a good note thing has been a struggle so far. I made somebody really sad recently, hurt her feelings. Really didn't want to do that, ultimately it was my fault, I will take the blame for that. I feel like the actions of her and maybe some other people around could have led to that not happening but those actions never happened. I felt like shit, a complete ass. The one thing I do agree with that people say about me, a nice guy. I'd like to keep that title, but I feel like I do things to mess it up. I'm glad all that is okay now, but it did some damage to me. I just can't stand to be the one to make somebody sad, I'm usually the one trying to be the shoulder to cry on.

I've been trying to spend some more time at my mom's house recently. I lived with her for the first 16 years of my life and now I'm bout to move away. She's one of those types with the letting go problem. I hated being gone three weeks out of the past month, I can't really even imagine what that did to her, I'm her first child, she has to hate it I know. It doesn't help that all this time she gets to see me is limited. It also makes me feel kinda bad that I want to go hang out with my friends more that my family recently. The family love is unconditional, which is not the same for the friends, these are people you can live without and usually end up getting weeded out. I don't necessarily want that to happen yet so I'm trying to make the best of the time I have.

We can call that my certain situation right now, just trying to make the best of the time I have. I'd say I'm doing a little bit better than others who are just letting it slip away, like I bout did. This past year has been a roller coaster thats for sure. Wanting just move on and wanting to hold on. Right now I'm wanting to hold on just because I realize how close I am from having no choice but to move on. I'm okay with that, that's the way it is. I got great people around me right now, can't complain a bit, I really care about these people but there is about to be a time where these relationships are going to be tested. I know of a few that will continue to matter, I'm still trying to decide on some others.

I got about a month to go, and I got a lot to do between now and then. Okay God, bring on the exam, I'm as ready as I'll ever be, probably can't find another as ready as me...

I'm just one man, waiting on my world to change. Until then, I'm just trying to make the best of the time I have left, God knows I don't have much...

-->Alex Richey<--

Time Is Against Us (Ode To Mickey Callis)

**This one goes out to my dear friend Mickey Callis and everyone affected by him leaving. Summer 2009 will not be the same without Mickey but we're gonna live it up the best we can on his behalf. He wouldn't want it any other way.**

We all have those memories that we can remember just as they were yesterday, regardless how long ago they actually happened. Soak up those memories for everything they are worth. These memories stay with us as long as we would want them too. When they say "Things forgotten are sure to repeat" they are not entirely right, so hold onto those memories as long as you can, forever if you can.

Today was a hard day for me and a few of my friends, we had to say bye to Mickey. Here in just a few hours he will be on a plane to basic training in South Carolina. Today was the last time I will see Mickey until atleast November, the last time I will have an actual conversation with Mickey for atleast nine weeks. It's a very, very harsh reality for me and the ones there with me today. I'm not one to cry, I am one to be sad, and I am one to be the shoulder for those who can't help but let out their emotions. It did not help my mood to see Secoy, Kasey, and Britt not take it so well, but I can't blame them.

It's gonna be a real shitty time without him. Mickey is a great guy, just as big, maybe a bigger inspiration to me than he claims to me to be to him. I never would have thought that going to hang out at my cousin's after prom party would lead to me making so many new friends, especially a friend like him. I've only know Mickey for about two months but it seems like we've been boys for years.

I refuse to say goodbye, that's just not the way it is. You don't say goodbye to someone you plan to see again, I had to correct him on his last blog that had "goodbye" in the title because everyone he tagged in it is gonna see him again, atleast I'll be sure I will. When's the last time you actually said "goodbye" to someone? It only seems appropriate to me to say to someone who is about to die, but at the same time you don't want to say it because you don't want it to happen, so it is usually never said. I'm not gonna say goodbye to Mickey because I know I'll be seeing him as soon as possible. He's going to basic training, not war. He will be back.

That doesn't change the fact that he is leaving for a long ass time...

There is just never enough time... We all do what we can, but no matter how much we do, we always feel as if we didn't do enough, didn't do as much as we wanted to. It didn't take long at all for us to develop the good friendship that we have, but as we are becoming the good friends that we are, it is time for him to go. It's shitty, but that's the way that it is. It's unfair, as life is. It's as if we did something, in becoming the friends that we are but never got the chance to live it out to the fullest, never got enough time to kick enough times, never got enough time to really enjoy it.

I've made so many new friends through this group lately. Of course I'm closest to Secoy that I am to the rest of them, that's fam, then it would be Kasey since I've gotten to know her for a few years now but it didn't take me long to develope this friendship with Mickey, as if we clicked the first time we kicked it. He's a goofy ass dude, but so much deeper and intelligent than meets the eye. I could always count on his input on my blogs, very shortly after they are posted. Loved how Mickey is the reader that he is. The biggest impact on my life has been the impact that I have had on others. I'm just glad that I have made an impact and he let's me know it. That is huge inspiration.

The clock never stops ticking... And it always moves at one speed, fast. If your not careful time will blow right past you. There's no such thing as a "New York Minute" obviously, time flies by for all of us, we need to enjoy every minute of it to the best of our abilities, don't miss out on anything. I feel as if I did. Since I realize the friendships that I have with these people now, I wish(yeah i said wish) that I would have started to hang out with them sooner. Opportunity is taken or it is missed, that was a missed opportunity but not missed entirely. Like I said in an earlier post "wishing is wanting something that you most likely will not have" and I can't change the past so I didn't get what I wished for.

As you reach the end of one of your books in your series of life (post #17) it would be wise to carry a camera. It is great to replay memories in your mind but it is better to actually see them, to better keep them alive. Don't waste an opportunity to make the most out of your life, don't waste the opportunity to create a memory. Time is against everyone, it is our mortal enemy. Unless your on the winning end of a game, time ticking means opportunity lost if your not taking full advantage of the moment.

I'm gonna miss Mickey big time while he's gone, but he is not the only one. There is a similar feeling towards some of my other friends who I will not likely be seeing or talking too for a long time. It's just different becuase Mick is one of my good friends, someone I make an effort to hang out with and he's being forced into this position, it just makes it all the worse. But we're gonna make it through no problem, anything for Mickey.

Dear Mickey,

Thanks for being the guy that you are. I haven't had many friends as good as you and have had many less inspirations like the one that you are. I'm gonna miss you while your gone big time, but I'm gonna live it up for you for sure and I'm gonna make sure all of our friends are doing the same thing. I know you wouldn't want us to be sad over you not being around. I'm gonna continue to hold it down, keep blogging and definitely keep you posted through the mail because I know you'll be looking forward to it. Regardless to the short amount of time we had between now and the first time we hung out I know you see me as just as much a friend as I do you. You have no idea how much you input and words are inspiring and appreciated. I'll be writing and expecting your replies, but I understand, so will everyone else so it's okay if it takes some time my dude, nothing but love. I hope you get the opportunity to read this before they take away your life over there lol. If not, you'll get it in the mail for sure. Your last day, as sad as it may have been for all of us, only showed that we really love you for who you are bro, don't let the drill sgt. drill the "Mickey" out of "Richard Mitchell Callis". We all know damn well that's impossible anyways. Keep doin' you bro, I'm gonna keep doin me and I'll be in touch. Don't forget me, or anyone else while your out there...

Your boy,

-->Alex Richey<--

This Imperfect Life

It's a lovely summer night...

I've been waiting on this since like what? Blog 10? Lol it feels damn good outside right about now. It's maybe a little cooler than I'd prefer but still, at the moment I'm really enjoying myself and being outside on a summer night is really the only time I can enjoy myself, by myself.

I feel like as I get older that it becomes easier for me to be okay with me to be alone, not like a loner but like right now. I used to absolutely hate going and doing something with friends then coming home, drove me crazy but now I've got to the point were I'm totally ok with it.

So until yesterday for a week I was without my cellular, it wasn't hell but it definitely was not pleasant. It didn't kill me but I definitely would not want to do it again. During the time I only talked to a few people, the ones that I see or talk to on a daily. I was without text messaging so I was without talking to a large amount of people. This made graduation set in very quickly. The reason I didn't blog about graduation the day of or any day soon after is because it never really hit me, but those several days without my cellphone cut off communication to most of my friends and I was without my classmates the entire time. I then got a sample of what it is soon to be like. It didn't necessarily sadden me because it is expected but it was different. Like, I could live without these people but I wouldn't necessarily want to and it most likely would not be the same life. It's amazing how one thing as simple as a cell phone can change so much of the way your life is.

Now as I sit here and do what I usually do when I'm alone, I think about how perfect and imperfect things are. If you didn't catch that, when I'm alone I reflect on life. The gears are always turning, I'm always thinking. I've had a really tough life, I've dealt with plenty of adversity and hard times, but have managed to pull through. Now I feel like karma is in my favor and the hard life that I had growing up with things falling apart and promises being broken, now it seems like things are only going in a positive direction. Of course things can be great but never perfect... But I'm far from complaining.

I owe so much to my closest of friends, the ones I have had the past few years and some for even just a few months, the ones that have been the true friends. The ones I can relate to, the ones that can help me through the ups and downs that I have been through because they understand where I'm coming from with it. The people that didn't have to be there but were.

Brandon Frazier; always a dude that I have looked to for advice, a man who I have chosen to follow a similar path and with good reason. Someone I can look up to but also not put on a pedestal. Always more than meets the eye, one of the best friends I've ever had. I don't need an essay to show how big a part of my life this guy is.

Jeantrell Byas; the muscle, the quiet one. The one person who can understand anything and most likely relate to it all as well. The one to go to when I or any of our friends really needed to talk to someone about something. Everyones' shoulder.

Robert Myers; Biddy, a little late on responsibility lol but it's all good.. Maybe the most chill person I know but always there to lighten up a situation, always able to make a place way more fun, but surprisingly thats not all he is about. Just like the other two of the tripod that I learned to call fam he is as deep and as intelligent as they come. A little man, a huge presence.

I didn't think I'd make it through my senior year without these three but I did just fine. It was hard at first but they aren't the type of friends that would allow me to throw it all away when they know that I've put in a lot of work, that I've gone through too much to let it all be a waste. The tripod, and as trell put it, I'm the little handle on top that swindles the camera around. These three were the first to ever make me feel like I belonged somewhere.

Also I can't forget...

Kelsey Becker; practially my sister for like six years now ever since we had a personal journal in the 7th grade to write notes back and forth too. That was cute... My prom date, both times. One of the most beautiful people I have ever met and I'm sure, will ever know. It helped having her in school with me for those years, even when high school came and we never shared classes. My "American Sister" lets not go there lol...

Michael Chrisman; Crispy. Probably the first person that ever got me to try new things. Got me to like soccer and got me into church, wow. The friend I needed when all the real friends I had were away. The biggest smart ass in the world, without a doubt but you get used to it. Christian, Chrispan, Crimson, and even Cheeseman, however you get his last name messed up, that's still my dude.

Chris Smith; brother bear. He has his nickname for a reason. He's just the type of friend to come to the rescue when someone needs it. Been friends since the diaper days and still good friends today. Hopefully the separation of college don't change that. I could never forget the nights when it was us and the tripod, talkin bout how McDonalds stole his ideas, or having the time of our lives during movie night.

Mickey Callis; the hero. Only a man that I have known for a very short time but time well worth it. Now as he goes away to basic training in less than a week I can only wish for more time for him to be around but we all know that wishing gets you nowhere as I know is truthful here. Just an all around great guy who I'm gonna miss for the time he is gone, especially while he can't talk to anyone. A man making a sacrifice by joining the army, a hero in the making.

John Gray; the animal eater. Maybe the best dancing that I've ever seen on a white guy in my life. The life of the party, maybe the funniest man alive too. First time I met him had a "J" shaved in his chest, wow. Qualifies for class clown but doesn't take away from the person that he is. Just one of those people that I own plenty of good times too, especially when I needed them the most.

As I sit out here and watch the wind blow through the flowers in my back yard I think about my future. The flowers have bloomed just as my life soon will. I'm about to go away to school, I'm about to do something with my life.

The life I have lived, as hard as it may have been, after I look at what it has come to at this point, I realize that it has been a damn good life. Through ups and downs I cant think of anything that is a legitimate complaint at this point. I somewhat want to have a girl in my life to share my current happiness with, because I'd really like some affection in my life but it's okay.

I think that right now is the best I have felt in a long time. I'm not broke, my friends are all here, i have a new car that I love, I don't have any problems that I can think of like drama or anything, life is just pretty good right now. Never perfect, but damn good. I just graduated with an honors diploma that I wasn't sure I was gonna get and I got a scholarship worth 104k, damn right I feel like I'm the man.

I feel like I'm a prime example of someone who has made it. I'm not done yet but I'm not turning back. I'll be the first Richey to go to college. If I can do it, I'm sure as hell not the only one.

Life will always be imperfect, remember that. But it's possible to have that perfect imperfection. In my mind I am living my life to the best of my abilities and it is the perfect state of mind for this life. If things continue to get better, maybe one day I'll be writing "This Perfect Life" but that day hasn't come yet.

Something in life will always be amiss and you gotta learn to accept that now so it doesn't keep your from being as happy as you can be. You can probably pick out plenty of things now that you would like to have different but honestly that doesn't matter if your happy. I'll think about this blog tomorrow and even if I feel like I did a good job, I'll notice something I left out, that's the way it is.

Just live your life as perfectly imperfect as you can, life is way too short to try to reach perfection. You'll die trying to get there. So if your happy, just hit the cruise control, there is no point in accelerating to the end of the road, it may be a dead end. Don't rush into the end of a good time, there is always days we wished last forever, but one life is much longer than one day.

A good life, will last a lifetime...

-->Alex Richey<--

(perfected)

The Greatness of Self

So I had a couple inspirations for today's lesson... This is about being great in your own way.

So I've been listening to a lot of Big Sean lately and he has a song on the mixtape UKNOWBIGSEAN titled "Say You Will" which is basically about getting his record deal, and getting his music out there. He doesn't want to be another rapper left on the shelf who was told by their label that they would make him big. In the song there is a line where he says "I don't mean to sound selfish, but I'm not an artist that's selfless..." This stuck out to me because this is some real shit. Music is this man's career and when almost nobody knows about him, it doesn't seem like his career is the best it can be.

We all want a promotion, a raise. We all start at the bottom of the totem pole and try to work our way up. It's ambition, it's natural. It's the invisible hand theory that everyone working together to be the best that they can be, will in turn improve everyone else. So why would we settle? Why be selfless?

Another inspiration for today's lesson is that ironically, when i walked into church today they were talkin' about stuff just like this. Maybe it was like somekind of sign, I then felt the need to talk about it.

Let's face some facts, most people in this world are selfish and ambitious, but there's nothing wrong with that. Think of all the great things we have in this world, your car, your t.v., the computer that you are reading this on at this very moment.. All created for pure ambition. Sure, the people resonsible for making them are doing us all great favors, but who benefits the most? They do! How many people drive that type of car, watch that type of t.v. or use that same computer? Thousands? Millions? And how many millions of dollars do you think they have because of that? This is the invisible hand theory, the company that created your most prized possessions benefitted just as much or more than you did on your purchase, or your parent's purchase of that product. Of course, you are happy and so are they, pushing each to do more.

Here's the relation to greatness. Think about your favorite athlete or necessarily the best.. Lets take LeBron James for example. Most of us think of him as the best basketball player in the world right now, some even consider him to be the best ever. Why do you think he's like that? Why do you think that when LBJ walks into a room, he is the man? Amition. Ambition is not necessarily just selfishness but it is very close. LeBron is the best because he wanted to be the best, and he had a little help in the gene pool of course. He could still be 6' 9" and sittin' at a desk, but he decided years ago that he wanted to be like Mike, maybe better. Here in a few years it won't be like Mike anymore, it will be "I wanna be like LeBron." Me calling him selfish and ambitious doesn't necessarily have to do with what he does on the court, the man has like 20 triple doubles (can i have one?!?!) but the reason he is "King James" is because he made the choice to persue that.

And Michael Jordan was the same way. Been retired nearly 10 years and he is still collecting greenbacks. As great as LeBron and Kobe are they shouldn't have to be compared to him. People are as great as they can be. Comparisons to the latter should all be set aside because who are we to judge the best someone can be? When someone is performing to their greatest ability then they are doing great at it, regardless it is the very best or not. But still, they are most likely doing it for themselves. Sometimes you hear about people putting their lives on the line, but it's very rare.

Sometimes this "living small" acquires great recognition. When you step down and help someone else rise up to be the best they can, sometimes credit is given where it is due, but that should not be the intention for the one receiving. Most cases of greatness that we see are cases of pure ambition or selfishness. Not necessarily saying it's a bad thing, just saying it's the way it is. It would be nice to see an anomaly every once in a while though.

Do you recall who is considered to be the greatest human being to ever live? The one man that people in this world strive to be like more than anyone else? The one person that can NEVER be duplicated, not even close? Still guessing???????? Does Jesus Christ ring a bell? Now don't go thinkin' "this guy done went all religious on us..." because that's not the case, I'm just stating a fact. This blog has nothing to do with my relgious views. I'm just saying.... There was never such a perfect person, and never will be. One man who lived without sin, we all sin everyday. Once again, there is nothing wrong with that! I'm just sayin'... This is reason for the LeBron/Kobe/Mike comparison... To each his own, because there is no real duplication, regardless as to how close one may come. But do we know why Jesus is considered to be the most perfect person ever? Do you realize that everything done was out of pure selflessness? Do you ever read the bible or listen to a lecture at church where it was talking about Jesus ever being selfish or ambitious? (Don't worry, I can received emails at anytime of the day)...

I'm not trying to make saints out of regular men and women, not trying to tell anyone to try to be like Jesus, just showing proof that it is possible to be great by being selfless.

There is nothing wrong with some selfishness, I will be the first to tell anyone that you have to love YOURSELF before you love another and have to make yourself happy before you do that for another.

We are not perfect, we are only human beings. Each and everyone of us selfish and selfless in our own way, but each and everyone of us capable of being great in our own way...

Shoutout to Mickey Callis because I'm pretty sure that regardless of whatever award is in store for you that army=selfless. 10 days left my dude, make them count. I'm definitely gonna miss you and my biggest regret of my senior year is not getting to know you sooner.

We each have one life to live, one life to do something great with it. LIFE IS SHORT. Don't miss out on your opportunity to be great in whatever way you may be doing it because regardless of being selfish or selfless, your not the only one affected.

-->Alex Richey<--

(Soon to be perfected)

Singing With Passion

Alright so it's late, I should probably go to sleep because I graduate in about 13 hours and I know I just wrote one like two days ago but I could not resist.

I just got home about an hour ago from the kenny chesney concert and from Ihop. Long ass day but pretty much awesome. But here I go rambling, to the point.

So there was several performers at the concert, the main focus being kenny chesney who had a kick ass performance. As good as it was, it was not the one that i thought was the best though. I'd never really been much of a fan of sugarland, the music isn't bad but I'm usually into that fun country and most of her music was always too serious. I realized how serious today. I'd never seen something done with so much passion as when she sang the song "stay". It was just amazing.

The girl sang her heart out, looked almost like she was close to crying, it gave me goosebumps. I just feel like that one song, maybe just the chorus to it made my day better on some real shit, just incredible. I just wonder how much better the world would be if everyone did things with as much passion and love as she put into this song. It makes me want to put passion and love into everything i do.

Kenny Chesney did a hell of a job too. He didn't have a song that stood out to me on a passionate level like she did but he did have a kick ass performance. I was really impressed when he continued his performance even through the rain, i dont think lil' wayne would do something like that. It just shows that he cares about what he is doing and wants to do the best job possible.

i feel like success changes people sometimes, I know it does. Not every performance was great tonight but some were and you can tell that the money did change these people. They are still doing it because they love it, not because it pays the bills as well. I dusted off Kanye's "graduation" this weekend. Not because I'm graduating today even though it may have helped but because it is such an amazingly passionate album. Everytime I play it, it just makes everything better and i feel like I need to be happy with all this uncertainty ahead of me.

You cant really see this in acting, the passion. Sometimes i guess so, but these people get paid to be fake so its just not the same. Music and writing is where the real passion is at. Sometimes sports as well but you can just see where some athletes get lazy because they get paid to play and get paid a shitton. I will admit though, some are deserving of it.

But here I am again just rambling about my opinions on who is passionate and who is not...

The lesson I have taken from tonight and hope to pass on to other people is that in everything you do, do it with passion. You may just rub off on another and they may just be somewhat more passionate in everything you do. Regardless if you are the best or most popular at what your are doing, you will be noticed for putting your heart into it. As unnoticed as you may feel, you are gonna have an impact on someone. Passion, like many other adverbs is contagious. If you put passion in to whatever you do, you have done your best, you can not be disappointed in yourself because your best is not as good as someone else's. You are not at fault for being the lesser, they are at fault for being the better. Someone is always better at something. That's the way it is and will always be and there is nothing wrong with that. Don't overlook that your better, can also make someone else better as well.

just remember: "your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your character, and your character defines who you are.."

think with passion, and become a passionate person

I hope this puts the passion into everything that ya'll do.

-->Alex Richey<--

(soon to be perfected)

Epilogue of High School

So it's a little after midnight, I still consider it thursday but technically it's friday. Here in just about seven hours or so I'll be waking up to walk into Clarksville High School for my very last day in there as a student, considering the next time I will be in there I will be graduating.

Yesterday(wednesday) I took my very last high school final exam ever and today(thursday), I sat in a high school classroom for the last time in my life as a student. It's funny how things are now that I look at them in a past perspective. Even though I had planned on writing this blog for a few days now the feeling of the reality of all this happening had not really hit me until about two hours ago.

I really didn't know what was going through my mind but it just seemed to be an undeniable nervousness. I know exactly what to expect of what I'm about to go through this weekend but earlier tonight I spent about 30 minutes feeling scared. However, in my mind I was not, just my body was reacting in that way. I couldn't stop shaking, I don't know why. It was an involuntary action, like a shiver but I wasn't cold, no goosebumps. Maybe it was bringing all that stuff home from school today, the locker that had been mine for the entirety of my senior year, now empty with only the words "Alex Jordan Richey Class of 2009" written in it. So unreal...

I've stopped the nervous shakings but I still feel the urge of convulsions... some what like a cold chill but not so much. I'll be fine in the morning, it's just weird to think about it; "It's all over". When it comes tournament time in sports you hear things like "time to leave it all on the field/court" well now it's time to leave it all in the school. Everything we have done up to this point is no longer relevant up until the point we graduate. It's time to grow up and no longer worry about the drama we went through, the sports we played, the trouble we got in, the grades we made.. Unless of course these are things that you HAVE to take with you, like perhaps your playin a college sport or your still with your high school sweetheart. Goodluck with that one coming out of my school though.

I've been doing a lot of thinking (uh oh), about how I'm going to take this, how others will do the same, what to write in this blog and what to call it. Also, a way to relate this situation that we are going through to something simple and easy to explain. This took a lot of thinking but I'm good at that so I'm pretty satisfied with what I came up with.

High school is not a chapter of your life, don't make the mistake of thinking so. How many good books are actually just good books? Umm zero except for a very select few, they are all good series. Think about Harry Potter, the Series of Unfortunate Events, the Ender's Game books, all great series' and I'm sure there is more I'm leaving out. Here's how I'm relating it to life... High school is a book in the series of life, not a chapter in the book of it. Life is way too long of a story for high school to be a chapter, or even four chapters, it's a story in itself. This is why I named this "epilogue". An epilogue is a concluding part added to a literary work, usually a novel(dictionary.com). High school is about over, we will soon be closing the book so and these are the final pages of it.

For me it's been a pretty good book. Full of ups and downs just as anyones' would be but what's not to expect? At the end of the day, the protagonist comes out on top, just as I am about to do. Tomorrow I'll be recieving a scholarship that is worth about an estimated $26,000 a year for four years. Hell yes I mean that. That's just one, I'm getting more money as well. Also, I found out wednesday that I'll be recieving an academic honors diploma which I wasn't completely confident that I would do but I did it.

Anyone writing a review on it I'm sure would be satisfied with what they read and would have plenty to write about in the review. I'm not feeling an autobiography of high school though so that probably won't happen lol...

It's just crazy to think about how I look back and I remember the last day of highschool my freshman year pretty well. I don't remember my finals or really the order of my classes but I could tell you exactly what I wore, I could tell you exactly what I did after school. Me and Mike hung out about an hour afterwards waiting on a ride because it was about 94 degrees outside and we wasn't down to walk to his crib. We hung out it the cafeteria on the steps for a while and hung out in Ms. Badger's room who I didn't even personally know at the time but has come to be one of the most influencial people I have ever met. Man, I really miss those days, miss being best friends with mike but still today despite all the time we don't spend together, when we talk we still act like brothers. Today on my last day of school me and him skipped third period together and went and sat on the steps of the cafeteria, just like we did our freshman year on the last day and just talked and reminisced about it all... We were both kind of just caught off gaurd at how fast it has all came and went...

Congradulations Class of 2009, all of us.

I just have one question,

How good was your book?

-->Alex Richey<--

The Countdown.

So as of just a few days ago I am officially a University of Evansville student. Putting in that deposit and filling out that form was just like a huge relief, a just lift off my chest because it has been stessful getting to this point, becoming official. Feels very liberating.

But at the same time it's just an empty feeling.

I'm sure I can relate it to what my 18th birthday is gonna feel like here in a couple of weeks since there will be no real advantages to me turning 18, except the club I guess (wowee)... What I'm sayin is I don't feel any different, I haven't actually moved in yet and I still have like 3.5 months so I'm sure it will hit me right around then.

You figure I would just be overjoyed but I'm far from that. I find trouble being happy nowadays with this feeling of dramatic change creeping up on me. I can't even remember the last time I was really happy, I don't really remember a time being extremely sad either it's just been all empty, emotionless. It's just reality having trouble setting in, and I'm not living in a dream world because this is not the way I want to necessarily be feeling.

When I first decided I wanted to attend UE all I could think about is the positives. The getting out on my own, the make my own rules, be my own person, take on some responsibility, COLLEGE lol, all that good stuff... Now that reality is starting to set in, not entirely but some is surely, I'm starting to realize negatives at the same time. There is not enough negative to make me change my mind but it has given me many nights of little sleep because of the constant consideration of what I will be missing. And then the actual realization....

I'm scared.

Is that so wrong? And it's not the scared of going, but the scare of leaving.. Know what I mean? I'm totally stoked to go to UE but I'm not totally stoked about leaving home anymore, not like I used to be.

Oh mann, I couldn't wait to get out of here, it was all I could think about of talk about. I was getting so sick of this place. I didn't think to stop and realize that I actually love it a lot. It's just some of the people I don't like being around. I see too much failure and I can't stand being surrounded by it anymore and I just wanted to get away.

Then I get to thinkin bout some of the things I'm gonna miss, the things that keep me up at night.

Well, its mainly the people of course. Like, I havent done a lot this year since my crew all went away to college so i just kinda laid low but I still do a little here and there and of course I have some friends. It's mainly the people that I hang out with the least, my graduating class. I really don't hang out with many of these people anymore but when I think about these are the people that I have been going to school with for up to 12 years now and that stops at the end of this year. Some of them, like Ty I have known all my life pretty much and we prolly won't talk a whole lot after graduation because we are going separate ways. It's kinda a harsh realization but it's reality, things like that happen and there's not much of anything to be done bout it, not really any point of trying either. Some of the other people I'm graduating with this year though, like the ones I hang out with if I'm ever with clarksville people. I realize that I've been trying to get closer to these people because I notice that this is our last year together so it's almost like a waste of time. I probably won't talk to many of them after June 1st. Growin up is a killer, and I'm at death's door.

Of course its not just high school it's always much more on my mind.

I think about one of my best friends, haven't even known him for a year but michael chrisman is my dude. Well he's a junior, he's still in high school after this year, whats gonna come of us? I mean I'm sure he'll make it up to Evansville occasionally like I did for brandon cuz thats what homies do. I'm sure I have nothing to worry bout but its just one of the many things I consider.

Then there is family, not so much my mom or dad because that's unconditional but my two closest cousins in particular. I miss Mckenna everyday with her being at western and we usually spend time together when she comes home but what about when I go to college too? What about when we both get out of college and we're adults with jobs? I don't know of many cousins that hang out a lot as adults and the thought kinda scares me.

And not to forget to secoy. We've gotten to be much closer as cousins lately and I don't want that to stop. That's one thing I have always wanted is to be closer to my family and now it's happening, I don't want that to be taken away. Hopefully because we are family, we can stick together. It's probably something I really don't need to worry about but at the same time I do. And through her I have all these great new friends that my friendship with them will be short lived because the majority of us are graduating and going on to do different things.

There's just so much that I realize that I could be missing when I go away, and even when I do come back, I could possibly forget these people, or be the forgotten one. We all want our friendships to last forever but people get weeded out by life. It's involuntary, you don't want it to happen but it does, and there is nothing you can to about that. You start to see what's necessary, what's actually important and you don't even notice that your doing it, your involuntary conscience does it for you. Just weeds them right out...

It starts to hit you, the things that your gonna miss. Your family of course and the relationships that you may have with people, may they be ones of significance or just friendships, I know that I'm missing out on both. You gotta make the right choice though and UE is the one for me. I mean I'm sure I could keep a relationship together over the distance but it takes two to do that. It's okay though, prolly won't be missing too much if they were too scared to try, but ya never know how something will go if ya never give it the chance to happen right?

I guess I should go ahead and get started on my goodbye's, because they actually will be goodbye's. Only a few "see ya soon's"... I'm gonna miss ya'll.

-->Alex Richey<--

Men vs. Women

It seems that my life is consumed by relationships. My own relationships, the counseling that I may provide for others, all the pointless relationships, or relationship drama that I hear everyday. I mean this is something we can all relate to I'm sure. What would life be like without the drama of relationships? It gives us all something to talk about. And one thing that prevents many relationships from working is because so many people assume the typical. Know what I'm talking about?

Try this on for size...

Ladies, think of a guy, not your dream guy, just your typical guy. What do you think of? Is he a player? Is he a cheater? Are all of his words nothing but lies and all he wants to do is get in your pants? What is the word you use for a guy whenever you hear about one of your friends getting cheated on or played? Maybe even yourself? He is just a typical guy right? Right.

And guys, same thing, think of the typical girl. This is probably a bit more difficult, because of another problem with us, and I use "us" loosely because I'm not like the rest of the pack. The typical girl, lets see, guys are most likely to say that she is possessive, very controlling, always thinks that she doesn't make you happy enough? And she always seems to think that there is another girl? Does she jump to conclusions? Does she think that the only thing on your mind 99.9% of the time is sex? With her or even some other girl? I'm not even talking about girlfriends necessarily here but you can factor that in as well.

Here's the stone cold truth about both sexes, the typical is not the ideal. That's obvious to all of us I'm sure, and some that may seem typical to one may or may not seem that way to another. That's just the way it is, some people bring out different sides of others. That's the one you want to find, the one you are willing to change for. Not so much change who you are but to improve yourself, because you feel improved just being with that person. Ya know, that one who makes you feel beautiful or handsome, even if you look like crap. We all look that way some days…

Being a guy of course I have to give my discussion on females first.

There is a lot about the typical girl that guys have problems with. It's difficult to pick somewhere to begin. Well, females, I'll start with ya'll thinking way too much about too much stuff. When you get to thinking, and with nothing to interrupt your thinking, you get to thinking about all the wrong things, and start assuming all the wrong things as well. Assumptions get relationships, those between significant others and those between just about anybody else, nowhere. I'm sure everyone has experienced a situation like that. Like why do ya'll always think your man is cheating on you? He might be a good guy, you just think he is typical because that is what you’re used to dealing with and once you get an upgrade you don't know what to do with it right? Don’t let your all powerful “woman’s intuition” get in the way of something that could be great. Why do so many of you typical girls think that ya'll are in full control of your man? You think just because you date a typical dude that he is only going to bow down because of what is between your legs. He may actually want to make you happy on an emotional level, but no, you’re too typical to notice that. Once again, that woman’s intuition gets in the way.

What is up with so many of these typical girls jumping to ridiculous conclusions? Why do ya'll think that just because the guy is hanging out in the presence of other females that he is just going to be typical and do whatever he can to get some? Most females would be amazed to find out that sex is not the only thing on the top of every guys mind. But no, you women are just too typical and naive to find that possible. Yes, these other typical females are going to want your man for the simple fact that most typical women are cold-blooded and want to turn them into typical men and make them cheaters. What is it with females? I’m sure that Satan was one.

And tell me something... Why do all you females love you some guys that are going to treat you like you are nothing to him? Why would you want a man that does not treat you right, whatsoever? I hear about girls saying that all dudes are the same but all the dudes they date are nobodies. The girls want to blame it on every other guy because they chose to date one who isn’t worth anyone’s time.

That's another thing that has just never made sense to me. As I quote the hilarious Chris Rock from his stand up show "Never Scared". "You would think that women would rule the world, but they don't, they don't! You know why? 'Cause women hate women. Women hate women! You do!"

That right there is some real talk. Because most of the time, women really do have power over their man, if they just learned to work together, we might have a world ran by women. But no, you girls just can't get along for anything! It's always something with girls and it really is the most typical characteristic about them. There isn't one girl who doesn't have some kind of dirt on everyone of their so called "friends" and just can't wait to spread the gossip to someone else. I'm pretty sure that all females do it, no matter how "drama-free" they claim to be, those are the ones that are usually saying things about other ones. I’ve never seen so many people be “besties” one day then worst enemies the next, it's like one of those couples that keep breaking up and get back together and everyone is just tired of that rerun. And somehow, each of those girls when giving their story as to why they are mad at their best friend, make it sound like the other girl was the stupid one with stupid drama. Ha, females kill me!


Okay, okay... I think I'm done. Well actually I could go on about that stuff for a long time but I'm not going to do that. I might just be giving females another reason to hate males, and I wouldn’t want to do that.

I'm sorry ladies but someone had to do it. Might as well of been me. But I can't go and say all these things about females, well typical females and not say anything about typical males. I despise them just as much as the typical females. And let me just say that I can't stand the effect that typical guys have on girls, it gives guys like me, and others a bad name just because I have a penis. Some guys really do think with the bigger head, honestly. I can't count the amount of times I have heard a girl say that "all guys are the same" and I'm like "naw, you never dated a guy like me." It's not a pick up line it's just a line of honesty, it’s just the way it is.

We guys say that the typical girl thinks way too much (as stated above). I will back up this conviction 100% but the reason we think this is because the typical guy doesn't think nearly enough. This may very well be the reason that I am stating so many things wrong with females. It is not necessarily the females’ fault, it is very possible that typical guys are to blame. This is most likely the reason that females think that all guys are typical. The reason that a lot of girls get cheated on or played. I don't speak on behalf of all guys here because I don't have this problem, but I am a guy so I do know how it works. Guys don't consider the consequences their actions may lead to, sometimes they just don't care. I'm too nice of a guy, I don't think I could cheat on a girl and lie to her face about it; I guess I just care too much. Sorry for being different. I mean, not being typical.

I don't see why the typical guys have to have multiple options on females as well. I mean, it makes sense at first because I can understand trying to figure who you want, but some of ya'll just keep them around too long. That's what gets guys called players. The typical guys get all of the other guys deemed to be players and pigs and whatever words that females may create to describe the males they hate so much.


In all honesty, coming from a man, I very strongly believe that all of the problems with typical females are the consequence of actions by the typical males. If there were no examples of the men who females believe that all men are like, then those females would not be the way they are. We men are the ones to blame. Not necessarily we, but those men are to blame. It is true, they do exist, but so do the really good ones who will climb to the top of the tree to pick the good apple, because girls are like apples, the best ones are up top, and the hardest to get to.

The typical guys hurt the chances for the good ones. If we did not have typical guys then we may not have the typical girls. The only question that can be asked of the males is “why?” and a question cannot be asked of the females, only a statement of “don’t think all men are alike”, because they’re not, and not are girls are typical. There are millions of “typical” guys and girls, and not one “perfect” guy or girl. True, no one is perfect, but it is possible to find the perfect one for you.

Hiatus Vents

"To be great is to be misunderstood." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

When you read this do you think of yourself? I sure do. When I read this quote I feel like he wrote that sh*t for me (even though Emerson died in 1882). I read a lot of those mindblowing quotes or hear some mindblowing music that I feel like I can relate to and feel like that sh*t was written for me, not everybody but me and people like me (good luck finding those people). Thing is, I don't think I know that I'm great. I also know that I am highly misunderstood. This is why I blog. This is why I don't just speak this sh*t to people. If you take the time to read then you are worthy to see and hear my greatness. I don't write blogs for just everyone to see even though I do publically post them. I write them in hope that there is someone who is somewhat like me, because I write for nobody but myself. I write things that I would like to read in hope that there is somewhat who is the slightest bit like me. I know that there is no other me, but I don't believe that I'm alone here. Well I know I'm not, but those people who are on my mindstate are few and far between.

Only a few people would recognoize the play on words of my blog title for number 12. "Hiatus Vents" is an idea I stole from my favorite artist Charles Hamilton. No, he does not have a song titled "Hiatus Vents" but he has a few songs that have the word "vents" in the title. Dude is responsible for a lot I blog about because that music gives me a lift to do these things when I need to. You should really check him out.

This is me, being gone from my blogging for a few weeks. I know that I have not been missed much because of the small number of people that are on my mindstate (my readers). Therefore, I don't get read much. I could talk so much shit about so many people and no one would ever know because so many are missing out on this sh*t. Well I have finally got back to the keyboard, returned from my hiatus, and now I get to vent. I've needed to very much.

These past few weeks have definitely been terrible. Giving me the real definition or senioritis. All this work in school, all this work in work. All this stress. Sh*t, I feel blessed to even feel this stress. Atleast I know I'm human. I know what it's like to be on top of the world and I know what it's like to be on the bottom. It doesn't take much to move you from one to the other.

Everything that has gone on in these past weeks temporarily changed who I am. As stupid as that sounds, it's true. I was not me. I might have seemed like it on the outside, but I was totally different in my head. I'm back now, hopefully not temporarily but I am back nonetheless.

I was like an emotionless zombie lol... I didn't care about anything. It was like that episode of Spongebob where Squidward is trying to impress his old college buddy or whatever so they turn the Krusty Krab into a five-star restaurant. So Squidward tells Spongebob to unlearn everything except breathing and fine dining. Well I felt like I forgot everything except breathing, Texas Roadhouse, William Shakespeare and Diego Rivera. The two people that my two research papers were over. Those papers are mostly done now so I have come back to Earth. I'm still feeling the stress though, just not so heavily.

But it seems like it never stops! There is no end to misery!

I have to tackle these papers with also worrying about my other classes, working of course, and going through the fear of thinking that the marriage of my dad and my step-mom are is in jepordy. Well I am past that big one now, everything is better now (or so it seems) so i can relax. It was just another thing that brought me down, temporaily killed my soul that was already suffering from not being able to handle everything else.

So my soul had to escape... I turned into that zombie. Of course nobody would know that but me, and I'm sure that my readers have trouble understanding what I'm saying, but I was not the same person.

I'm sorry.. I can't help it that I'm weird... I can't help that you don't share my mindstate. I can't help that you don't understand, but that's what makes me great.

So I was just recently informed that my job is in jepordy. Are we serious? This is something that just helped to bring me back to me as well, I needed some strong raw emotion to give me that "smelling salt" sensation. Wake me up a little bit. I just don't see why I have to worry about my job security when I put a lot into that place. I'm not saying I'm the best but I'm a hell of a lot better than a lot of people. It just pisses me off when people don't realize a good thing when they got it, but oh well. If they keep me then they keep me. If not, I'm not gonna be working there for the rest of my life anyways. I have bigger plans than telling people about "fall of the bone ribs, hearty hand cut steaks, made from scratch sides, and fresh baked bread" for the rest of my working life. I could go on about this sh*t for an entire blog itself but then I would have to call it "Roadhouse Vents" wouldn't I?

I'm just a little pissed off because all this is adding up, school, work and family. I'm currently two-weeks behind on my best friend's birthday present because I have no time to make it. I'm trying to do something special and I have never felt so restricted ever.

So Valentine's Day was a couple days ago. I spent it working of course, had to get that money. And I actually had a Valentine. I made a girl that I like a card that said "will you be my valentine?" and she said yes lmwhiteao.. Pretty sweet I know, but I didn't really spend anytime with her, nor have a been lately. Just another restriction of the responsibilities that I have to uphold at the moment. I feel like if I had a girlfriend that truely made me happy at the moment that I wouldn't have all this stress. And no I'm not talking about being able to have sex when I want to I'm talking about having a person around that really cares around to talk to whenever I want to. Just makes me feel better. I won't just date any girl though obviously, I'm picky. Not like I have to have a women in my life to make me feel good about myself, never that. It's just that having someone around who likes having you around, someone that you can make happy by just being there, that's what I'm talkin' about. That's the kinda person I want around to make me feel good. I'm sure she could, but we're not there yet. I'm not one to rush things... anymore.

I'm getting back to me steadily. Trying to get back to writing those kick-ass blogs. This is just a venting session.

While I've been away from the desktop so much has built up in my head. I wish I could write music like my dude Brandon.. I can write a blog but I just wish I had the talent to express myself in song. It's so much easier to get people to listen when it's good. Even though so many people love fake ass music. It's terrible.

Maybe being a nobody helps, because nobody feels the way that I felt. Or nobody feels the way that I feel because nobody can. When I blog it makes me feel so many emotions because I sit and reflect on everything. It brings back memories of doing this, the good and the bad. It's like I'm on the permanent feeling of my life is about to be over because I can always sit back and reflect, see my life flash before my eyes. Well it doesn't just flash, I get to catch it all.

Take a break, just a smile. It's all a dream, it's all a dream...

Every part of right now will just be a memory eventually, that's what we all need to realize. Yeah our decisions now will affect our future but that is what will be cause for the memories.

I've been Alex Richey since before my time, I feel like the world had to prepare for me. I've came from nothing to something and I keep gaining. Woke up one moring and decided that I wasn't gonna be judged anymore, wasn't gonna feel anymore pain. Just realized one day that there is no one above me. If you can read this and comprehend how I feel then we might just be equals. Just maybe...

I'm just on my emotional sh*t... Getting back on the keyboard is the cause for my hiatus vents. I missed being me. Hate dedicating my life at the time to something that isn't making me happy. School, an overload of it duh..

I've told you about me so how bout you vent back...

This is me, signing out.

"Apart of me believes I have a heart that doesn't beat..." -Charles Hamilton (Starchasers)

-->Alex Richey<--

The Things That Keep Me Going

So I don't know exactly how many people read my blogs. I get views on blogspot, I get views on Facebook, and I get views on Myspace as well. The only place where I can tell how many people read and it actually matters is myspace because nobody uses a blogspot really, but I don't really get on myspace too much to care any more...

But what I do know is that I do have some readers. Not as many as I would like probably, but some is better than none. It really drives me up a wall whenever I see that someone has viewed it but didn't comment. I really want to know what people think of my writing. I think people open up the page and get scared to read it by the look of how long it may be. Oh well... Their loss...

But sometimes people do tell me what they think, and I don't get negative responses. If I did, I would fix where I don't do so well, or just stop writing all together, but that's not a problem.

Recently a friend of mine that I work with was telling me about how she read my blog entitled "My Intervention" and told me that it inspired her to quit smoking. As simple as this is it really did give me a lift. The blog was something I wrote for me, talking about how I plan to better myself, and I inspired someone to better themselves. Not that I see anything wrong with smoking or have a problem with it, I just think it's a bad habit and find it unattractive. Especially on girls. And I know that it is very hard to give up on, kudos to you people who do.

What I got from this is that I am actually making an impact on someone who reads what I write, and even though it's only one person that has told me about how I helped them better themselves, it's good enough for me. I'd like to have that kind of impact on everyone I meet but I realize that that is a bit outrageous. Just to know that something as simple as a blog, as long as a couple pages of paper, could make someone want to better themselves... That's good stuff.

I don't get paid to do this, I'm not a motivational speaker or writer or whatever, I just do it because it is one thing that I can put my heart into and something I can enjoy and be 100% real about. That's funny because I hear people tell me that I should look into journalism, make this a career. That would be nice to get paid to do something that I absolutely love doing but when you really absolutely love doing something, you do it for free.

Of course I do it for free. And I can't help but try to more when I realize that I can make an impact with my words.

"You get what you pay for" it is only true with materialistic things. Free advice can be worth everything if you get it from the right people

You can say all the right things, but they aren't worth a thing unless you mean it.

Until something else inspires me, I stay waiting...

-->Alex Richey<--

Warm Summer Nights

Remember that old saying, "You want what you can't have" or some bullsh*t like that? Of course you do, we all do. And we all probably think it's a bunch of.. well, bullsh*t lol.

I know I do, well did atleast. The truth is self-evident now.

I remember, few months back, I kinda had this thing for this one girl and I think she had a thing for me in return but I'm not really sure, that's not the point anyways really. We talked a little bit, texted eachother a lot, and saw eachother a lot too at work lol. Well we never had a relationship. I'm not saying I wanted one, I really just wanted to get to know her a little better (she was one of those secretive types), but she thought I wanted to get with her. We was talkin' one night after we was sure that we didn't have anykind of realationship happening and I remember her saying "You only wanted me because you couldn't have me." I was like damn, that kinda f*cked up lol. It wasn't true of course because I did like her kinda, and didn't really want the realtionship for sure either. It just made me mad because I'm not the kind of person to what something just cause I can't have it.

Well I know that I was right but I'm starting to think that I do want somethings just because I can't have them.

Highschool is a little bit of sh*tty this year, mainly becuase I don't have my three-anegroes around to hold me down. When they are in town, I'm tryin' to kick it with them everyday. Who wouldn't wanna hang with their closest homies when you don't get too as much as the good ol' days? Here is the thing, even though I spend the majority of my kickin' it time with these dudes, before they got shipped out, I didn't feel the need to hang out with them every weekend and when they were in town for a few good weeks over the holidays, I didn't always hang out with them either. I see now that I want these guys around a lot more because they are not around. I'm sure they miss everybody back here too, even though when they spend a lot of time with them, they get annoying.

I hate walking anywhere. Always have since I got a whip, never walked much since I got in highschool anyways, except for my freshman year and a little bit of the summer afterwards when Mike and me used to do it all the time for the hell of it. No, I'm not talkin' about wanting to drive when I can't, that's a terrible example because everyone has that feeling. I'm talkin' about warm summer nights. This winter has been damn cold, it is really making me miss the summer more that ever, the summer that I CAN'T HAVE RIGHT NOW!!! Ugh.... Pissin' me off... Like I said, I hate walking but nothin' quite beats a nice walk in the perfect weather of a summer night. Even just walkin' out in my back yard and stickin' my feet in the pool, sh*t is lovely. But ya know what, can't even do it right now. IT IS SO F*CKIN' COLD! I hate the winter...

Well I hate it when it is just cold. Winter serves no purpose to me if there is no snow. And guess what, it has only snowed and stuck... once. Here atleast. It definitely did make last night a lot more interesting though. I hit a curb in my car when I lost control while I was taking Matt to Frank's and thought I broke something but I didn't thankfully. And playing in the snow with Kels and Aleisha and some other peoples was pretty fun (view pics on facebook lol). I would definitely trade the fun in the snow for fun in the sun that's for sure.

It's just ironic how just about a month ago I had something taken away from me that I really cared about. I was sh*tty and wanted it back, but I couldn't have it. Few weeks later, I could have it, but I had already moved on and didn't really care to have it back. Seems like I wanted it only because I couldn't have it. Now I'm not sure how I feel about that. I kinda want it, but i feel as if it has less value than it had at first. I feel like I'm not bothered too much by not having it. Should I feel like an ass hole for not waiting around? Naw... Definitely not.

Here's another saying that a lot of us think of as bullsh*t..."It's all about wanting what you've got..." or some other bullsh*t like that. I know I didn't get those entirely right, but everyone who reads knows what I'm getting at.

I think the whole thing goes like "It's not about wanting what you can't have, It's about loving what you've got."

Sounds pretty good to me... I think that's what I'm gonna be about. It's what we all need to be about, and sometimes all we need to do is be thankful for what we do have.

Don't pass up on something you have already because you think you can have something that is possibly better. You might get around to realizing that you let a good thing go. When you try to go back and get it, it might not be there anymore.

You can always want more, but can't always have it. And you can always, ALWAYS have less...

Marinate on that...

-->Alex Richey<--

My Intervention (Getting Real With Myself)

So I'm just gonna put this out there, I'm one of the realest people, if not the realest person I know. Yeah, sounds a little cocky, which I'm not trying to be but that's the way it came out. I'm real with everybody, about everything. And no, it hasn't always been that way but I have been the person that I am for well over a year now so it's probably been about that long. I've been the Alex Jordan Richey that I am since early in my junior year of highschool. Since I guess you could say I found where I belong and the friends in which I belong with. My niche.

No more little Alex Richey the little boy that is sad on the inside all the time and don't talk to many people if anyone at all about it, instead spills pain through the pen onto the personal little notebook or onto the keyboard typing blogs about how sh*tty I am feeling at the time. That's not me anymore, nor has that been me for a while now. I birthed a new me, evolved I guess but of course I didn't turn into a perfect person, just a better one. But nobody is perfect, duh...

I became a real person, and a really happy person most of time. No, I haven't completely changed, I'm still Alex Richey and I will always be me. There will always be some of me that most people don't know, but they really don't need to either. I'm still capable of blowing minds by writing an incredible blog about how I feel on a topic, by letting people get a sample of what goes on in my head which is more complex than most. I assure you that... There is definitely a lot goin' on up there.

But rewind to the top for a minute. There is something wrong, that's why I'm having this "intervention" with myself. Like I said, I'm one of the realest people you will ever meet, that's just who I choose to be. I'm real with everyone.... Everyone except myself.

That's right!!!!! Little ol' me is the only one I lie to. I'm real and honest with everybody but I just caught myself today, being unreal, and untrue to myself. Letting my mind try to convince me of things that aren't right for me. Not one thing in specific but I realized that I haven't been real with myself in a lot of ways but I'm real with everyone else in everyway.

I was listening to my Charles Hamilton today (that's everyday now lol) and it was the "Intervention" mixtape actually and I caught this line he said in one of his songs called "Supernatural Vacation" it said...

"The only person I gotta worry about being real to is me."

I was like "Damn, this dude has a point. Why didn't I think of that?" And that's not even what inspired me to write this today, I was already thinkin' about doin' it, that just gave me a little extra push I guess.

So I decided that that is what I'm gonna do, kinda. I'm not gonna change the way I am to other people, I'm still gonna be 100% real. No fake sh*t because I can't stand fake people and I don't want to be something I hate. I'm not saying that I hated myself before I got hit with this epiphany because I wasn't fake to anyone but myself, therefore I didn't realize. Blind to it I guess.

Now I see, and now I have found myself. I'm no longer going to let outside forces influence who I am. I'm going to be influence by Alex Jordan Richey. Can't really ask for a better person to be influenced by lol.

I'm writing in the sky now, leaving a positive impression on everything I touch.

I have started to figure out what I want to do with my life, post high school. I know I plan on attending the University of Evansville and I was pretty sure that it was set in stone, until I got my report card last week. I had a 2.7 gpa. I TWO POINT MUTHA F*CKIN SEVEN! Seriously, I'm so much smarter than that, it was just one class that f*cked me. Now this is an example of where I was being unreal with myself. I was letting the outside forces influence my work in the classroom. Someone who is real with themselves wouldn't allow something like that to happen. Now I gotta pick up slack, make sure I bust my ass to make up for my f*ck up. Gotta be real with myself and do what's best for number one, me duh...

I didn't know what was going on with me, now I have an idea.

Like I was thinking about some of the stuff I do, I might sound so nice to other people but I realize how stupid I sound to myself. This is me, I sometimes let a little too much of my personal side out to people, but that's just me being real to them and I try to get people to open up in return but not everybody is gonna be real with you in return so it don't always happen. People tell me about how they got sh*t going on in their head that bothers them too. I tell them that it is okay to cry. Which it is, crying is a healthy process that the body undergoes to relieve stress. We should do it. Then they ask me if I do.... Well no, not really. Then I realize what a hypocrite I am. I tell people that it is okay to let your emotions out, and be real with themselves, and here I am. I haven't cried since 8th grade when Bailey died. And I balled my eyes out in school. I ain't gonna lie about it because I loved that damn dog lol. But seriously, who am I to try to tell people what they should do because it is better for them and I don't even do whats best for me? Unbelieveable...

Time to get real with me...

Today somebody told me that I have girl problems... No not quite, I told them that girls have a problem with me. They were talkin' bout how I'm usually unsure about my female situation. Which is true but at the same time I don't consider it my problem because I know what I want, but most females never know what they want. Sorry ladies, but it's true. WELL... Today I feel like I realized another flaw. No, I will not correct myself on what I just wrote but I feel like I don't want these things quite as much as I thought. Instead after some thought, and a talk with my girl Cassy after school today who seemed to know more about what I wanted then I knew myself. Well I'm more sure now than ever on what I want to do about this topic. Time to get real with me. It's about doin' what makes me happy and what is the best for me.

I'm finally a 100% real dude and I'm surrounded with real.

My friend Brandon once said "Today is a gift, that's why they call it the present."

Now you can interpret this in anyway you like too. Like, tomorrow is not promised to us so we gotta make the best of today and every day. That type of thing. Or you can think about those days, like I had today. I really learned something about myself, something that is gonna help me live my life to the fullest. Now what kinda gift is better than that?

If you took time to read My Intervention, I appreciate it, REAL TALK lol. I'm just trying to improve me and I hope that seeing me become better might just help somebody else do the same.

The hardest thing to find is yourself, but you will never find a treasure of greater value.

I think I'm gonna write that in the sky...

-->Alex Richey<--