Hiatus Vents

"To be great is to be misunderstood." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

When you read this do you think of yourself? I sure do. When I read this quote I feel like he wrote that sh*t for me (even though Emerson died in 1882). I read a lot of those mindblowing quotes or hear some mindblowing music that I feel like I can relate to and feel like that sh*t was written for me, not everybody but me and people like me (good luck finding those people). Thing is, I don't think I know that I'm great. I also know that I am highly misunderstood. This is why I blog. This is why I don't just speak this sh*t to people. If you take the time to read then you are worthy to see and hear my greatness. I don't write blogs for just everyone to see even though I do publically post them. I write them in hope that there is someone who is somewhat like me, because I write for nobody but myself. I write things that I would like to read in hope that there is somewhat who is the slightest bit like me. I know that there is no other me, but I don't believe that I'm alone here. Well I know I'm not, but those people who are on my mindstate are few and far between.

Only a few people would recognoize the play on words of my blog title for number 12. "Hiatus Vents" is an idea I stole from my favorite artist Charles Hamilton. No, he does not have a song titled "Hiatus Vents" but he has a few songs that have the word "vents" in the title. Dude is responsible for a lot I blog about because that music gives me a lift to do these things when I need to. You should really check him out.

This is me, being gone from my blogging for a few weeks. I know that I have not been missed much because of the small number of people that are on my mindstate (my readers). Therefore, I don't get read much. I could talk so much shit about so many people and no one would ever know because so many are missing out on this sh*t. Well I have finally got back to the keyboard, returned from my hiatus, and now I get to vent. I've needed to very much.

These past few weeks have definitely been terrible. Giving me the real definition or senioritis. All this work in school, all this work in work. All this stress. Sh*t, I feel blessed to even feel this stress. Atleast I know I'm human. I know what it's like to be on top of the world and I know what it's like to be on the bottom. It doesn't take much to move you from one to the other.

Everything that has gone on in these past weeks temporarily changed who I am. As stupid as that sounds, it's true. I was not me. I might have seemed like it on the outside, but I was totally different in my head. I'm back now, hopefully not temporarily but I am back nonetheless.

I was like an emotionless zombie lol... I didn't care about anything. It was like that episode of Spongebob where Squidward is trying to impress his old college buddy or whatever so they turn the Krusty Krab into a five-star restaurant. So Squidward tells Spongebob to unlearn everything except breathing and fine dining. Well I felt like I forgot everything except breathing, Texas Roadhouse, William Shakespeare and Diego Rivera. The two people that my two research papers were over. Those papers are mostly done now so I have come back to Earth. I'm still feeling the stress though, just not so heavily.

But it seems like it never stops! There is no end to misery!

I have to tackle these papers with also worrying about my other classes, working of course, and going through the fear of thinking that the marriage of my dad and my step-mom are is in jepordy. Well I am past that big one now, everything is better now (or so it seems) so i can relax. It was just another thing that brought me down, temporaily killed my soul that was already suffering from not being able to handle everything else.

So my soul had to escape... I turned into that zombie. Of course nobody would know that but me, and I'm sure that my readers have trouble understanding what I'm saying, but I was not the same person.

I'm sorry.. I can't help it that I'm weird... I can't help that you don't share my mindstate. I can't help that you don't understand, but that's what makes me great.

So I was just recently informed that my job is in jepordy. Are we serious? This is something that just helped to bring me back to me as well, I needed some strong raw emotion to give me that "smelling salt" sensation. Wake me up a little bit. I just don't see why I have to worry about my job security when I put a lot into that place. I'm not saying I'm the best but I'm a hell of a lot better than a lot of people. It just pisses me off when people don't realize a good thing when they got it, but oh well. If they keep me then they keep me. If not, I'm not gonna be working there for the rest of my life anyways. I have bigger plans than telling people about "fall of the bone ribs, hearty hand cut steaks, made from scratch sides, and fresh baked bread" for the rest of my working life. I could go on about this sh*t for an entire blog itself but then I would have to call it "Roadhouse Vents" wouldn't I?

I'm just a little pissed off because all this is adding up, school, work and family. I'm currently two-weeks behind on my best friend's birthday present because I have no time to make it. I'm trying to do something special and I have never felt so restricted ever.

So Valentine's Day was a couple days ago. I spent it working of course, had to get that money. And I actually had a Valentine. I made a girl that I like a card that said "will you be my valentine?" and she said yes lmwhiteao.. Pretty sweet I know, but I didn't really spend anytime with her, nor have a been lately. Just another restriction of the responsibilities that I have to uphold at the moment. I feel like if I had a girlfriend that truely made me happy at the moment that I wouldn't have all this stress. And no I'm not talking about being able to have sex when I want to I'm talking about having a person around that really cares around to talk to whenever I want to. Just makes me feel better. I won't just date any girl though obviously, I'm picky. Not like I have to have a women in my life to make me feel good about myself, never that. It's just that having someone around who likes having you around, someone that you can make happy by just being there, that's what I'm talkin' about. That's the kinda person I want around to make me feel good. I'm sure she could, but we're not there yet. I'm not one to rush things... anymore.

I'm getting back to me steadily. Trying to get back to writing those kick-ass blogs. This is just a venting session.

While I've been away from the desktop so much has built up in my head. I wish I could write music like my dude Brandon.. I can write a blog but I just wish I had the talent to express myself in song. It's so much easier to get people to listen when it's good. Even though so many people love fake ass music. It's terrible.

Maybe being a nobody helps, because nobody feels the way that I felt. Or nobody feels the way that I feel because nobody can. When I blog it makes me feel so many emotions because I sit and reflect on everything. It brings back memories of doing this, the good and the bad. It's like I'm on the permanent feeling of my life is about to be over because I can always sit back and reflect, see my life flash before my eyes. Well it doesn't just flash, I get to catch it all.

Take a break, just a smile. It's all a dream, it's all a dream...

Every part of right now will just be a memory eventually, that's what we all need to realize. Yeah our decisions now will affect our future but that is what will be cause for the memories.

I've been Alex Richey since before my time, I feel like the world had to prepare for me. I've came from nothing to something and I keep gaining. Woke up one moring and decided that I wasn't gonna be judged anymore, wasn't gonna feel anymore pain. Just realized one day that there is no one above me. If you can read this and comprehend how I feel then we might just be equals. Just maybe...

I'm just on my emotional sh*t... Getting back on the keyboard is the cause for my hiatus vents. I missed being me. Hate dedicating my life at the time to something that isn't making me happy. School, an overload of it duh..

I've told you about me so how bout you vent back...

This is me, signing out.

"Apart of me believes I have a heart that doesn't beat..." -Charles Hamilton (Starchasers)

-->Alex Richey<--