I can honestly say I've never really had to try in school, well those days are gone now and never to return I'm sure. Mentally it's a killer. I have spent many of days suffering from mental exhaustion. Staying up until two, three in the morning some nights is just not what I was hoping for, thank God I have the student center to work in which also makes me realize that I'm not the only one.
I have definitely learned a lot here though. And no, it's not to don't pass out with your shoes on.. I've gained much more than scholarly knowledge being here but I have received that too. Life lessons have come along with that as well. I would never have expected so much to happen in only my first month of school but it has, it's just insane.
I've had another example that your friends are definitely more important than females, and I have gotten a real example of brotherhood, a brotherhood that I cannot wait to be a part of. I've definitely learned that high school does not prepare you for college, and Clarksville high School doesn't at all... I know I'm being changed by college, it's bound to happen but it's for the better I can already tell. I was told repeatedly that I would fail here, that I wasn't ready. That is motivation enough, and he was right, I wasn't ready but I'm adjusting and I'm not failing either. It's going to take some work to be where I want to but I have full confidence that I'll be better off with time. I've learned that I can stay true to my faith, despite the fact that many thought college would turn me out. Ask anyone and they'll tell you, I've probably spoken to them about God and what God has done for me.
I think that's helping me to deal with the difficulties here. I have God in my life, just knowing that simple fact makes things better for me. I had a moment where me and this guy who is an alumni in the fraternity that I'm joining got in my face and called me things like stupid and ignorant for being a Christian. The night before when I met him, before he knew my beliefs we were really cool but he judged me on what I believe. I would never force my beliefs on someone, I accept everyone for who they are and if they don't like the same things I do, so be it. Just respect what I believe. I don't think I had ever been so mad in my life, but with some wise words from some wiser people than I, I was fine.
That was definitely a situation I didn't expect to deal with but I'm well over it now. The thing was that I thought he was real cool until that went down. It's things like that that are making me stronger. I lost that argument I admit. I mean, I wasn't trying to convince the guy that what I believed was better than Atheism, I was just trying to get him to respect me but it didn't work. He did whatever he could to put me down. It got to me but it didn't affect my faith. Only made me stronger.
I've had two instances where I have slept in the room with someone that wasn't my roommate. On both instances I behaved. I was proud of myself I guess because I'm sure that a few months ago I may have acted differently. But also I haven't been into treating women like nothing. A relationship right now is probably far from what I need but I'd much rather do that than just get around. That's not the person I'm going to be.
When it comes to back home, yeah I miss it. I miss my boys, I miss my family. I REALLY miss my dog, she can't communicate with me, that's sad. It made me really appreciate home when I went there last weekend and everyone was really happy to see me, I didn't really expect that much. Honestly I feel like the thing I want here that I have back home is my church. I feel lost without Northside here, it sucks. It's not making me act out in ways I wouldn't if I was going to church but I just want the words of wisdom. I'm still reading my Purpose Driven Life, but only for a few more days. After that I'm going to start on the Bible. I hear that's a good one...
Honestly, I'm loving it. This may be the best time of my life already and I know it's only getting better. I can't wait for this evening, it's passover. No, not the Jewish holiday, the day I pledge to my fraternity and become a part of this brotherhood I'm so excited for. It's probably the same reason I woke up so early. That's why this is titled "Getting Unsettled Again" because I'll probably moving out of my dorm tomorrow, but really I'm feeling right at home here. I was having trouble write, hopefully those days are behind me and can get back to putting them out a lot. I feel it's necessary to share what I learn with the world.
I'm starting to learn how I have to do things, school-wise and that's going to set me up for the rest of college and I'll be absolutely fine. I'll have brothers to get my back if I start to fall. The best days of before are not going to compare to the future, and I can't wait. I'm not going to rush though, I'm going to enjoy every moment of it.
"May the best of your todays be the worst of your tomorrows, but we ain't even thinkin' that far yet..." - Jay-Z: Forever Young
-->Alex Richey<--
Yeah, I'm back... Be ready.
