This Always Happens

I don't know what it is about home man... I spend all my time wanting to go back to school and it only takes one instance right at the end of my stay to make me wish I had more time here. Crazy, this break has been nothing like ones in the past. If anything, I've done much more to separate myself from here, but now I wish I had more time.

I feel like home has changed since the last time I was in town for a long period, the people particularly. Some people that I make a valiant effort to see when I'm around, I don't really care to speak to very much anymore, but that's not entirely my fault. It seems that when I talk, they don't do quite as well to talk back. Maybe they're stuck up their boyfriend/girlfriend's asses, I'm not sure. Oh well...

You'd think with some of the things that have happened since I've been back, I'd be ready to get back to school as soon as possible. Sprained my ankle (but I guess that can happen anywhere), blew a tire on the interstate.. Home's not really to blame, but it happened here. I hate that all I really do when I'm here is work, and I feel like I have nothing to show for it. The tire thing is probably to blame for that though. These things always happen...

And even though I say all I really do here is work, I can't complain about that. I thoroughly enjoy my job. It's changed a lot in the past three years since I've started, but it's always there. I've built some of the best relationships I'll ever have because of that place, crazy. Maybe I just wish I had more down time.. Breaks are for relaxing and I feel like I do much more than when I'm at school.

I really enjoyed Christmas this year though.. This time around, it seemed much more about family for me than usual. I guess with not being around much this past year and a half, I start to miss everyone.

As silly as this sounds I feel like it's time for me to find a girl. I mean, it's been forever and I feel all kinds of lonely sometime. I know that makes me sound like a bitch, but whatever.. I know that will only happen at school, I'm not willing enough to come back all the time to make a relationship work here at home. I've heard that you find the one you're looking for when you're not really looking for them... Guess I'm screwed. Then again, perhaps I've already met her, but she's not available right now for whatever reason. I think that's it... Guess I'll just wait and see.

I still want to go back of course, and I don't really want to put it off any longer. I guess I just wish I would have done more while I was here to begin with. I'm excited to see what this next semester has in store for me, but I also don't know how much I care. I guess I need a real break, fall was stressful enough for one year.

I can tell I've been taking home for granted this break. When I really indulge in this place, it make my mind work so much better and I can write more. This is the first time I've done it in so long, guess I'm kind of disappointed in myself. Guess I've been doing too much stuff that I could just be doing at school, even though I'm sure I don't do many things different besides school itself. Guess it's the mind state.

I just realize even more now that it only takes one moment for you to see how much you love something. That moment for me was last night, that something is home. This will always be home and it's really not so bad after all... I wouldn't change it for a thing.

-->Alex Richey<--

The Best Investment

So what's the most worthy investment you've ever made? Car? Some nice headphones? A phone that does practically everything?

We all have some things like that we all adore, maybe it's something else. The things you love the most are usually the ones you got on your own. Usually, if it's one of those things, probably wasn't the best investment to tell the truth, if the readers are my age at least. We all spend money on stupid stuff that makes us happy at the time, I know how pissed I get when I beat a video game that I dropped $60 on and can't do much with once the story's over. Hence why I download music, it's not guaranteed to be something worth listening to.

Real talk...

Sometimes I dream bigger than I live.. Like, it'd be nice to be able to please everyone and myself. But I know, that's not possible. Making someone happy is gonna piss someone else off, making yourself happy, that'll piss even more people off. That's just how things work. We do what we can, well some of us, I know I do and that it's not always enough. And of course, you can't help someone who doesn't want it, even though it doesn't hurt to try. Hopefully they remember. I know I've said that stuff before.

Anybody that knows me well enough, knows I'm a Fight Club fanatic... Silly right? A movie, well more than a movie to me. Watching this movie multiple times and a conversation with Will Watt has made me realize how I contradict myself on exactly what I've been preaching. "The things you own, will end up owning you." Yeah, I want a $300 pair of headphones because I love some music more than most things. But, I know that I don't need that, it goes against a lot of what I believe. "Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need." But we still buy it because we want it, unworthy investments.

I've come to realize that the best investments that we can make, is investments in people. The greatest gifts you can give are not material, they are time, and yourself. I used to say "I spend money because spending time is hopeless." Yeah that's a Drake line, but I believed it. I was so wrong.

I'm not much for karma, but I feel like this is the most common example of it. If you invest in people, it will reward you in the end. When you know you've done the right thing, there is a sense of fulfillment in that. Investing time is basically investing yourself. What is our best answer not to do something? "Not worth my time." Time is the most valuable thing we have in this world, the most wonderful thing we can invest in another. Giving time is like giving love.

I try to invest as much as myself as possible into those that I care about, sometimes it is just not enough. You try to have a conversation and that person just doesn't want to hear it because they've already made up in their mind that you cannot be right. Let the selfishness blind them, they're just not worth the investment obviously. But eventually, they'll realize that you tried to do right by them. Can't steer you wrong.

A recent conversation I had with a friend while sitting in Moe's made me realize something else I was doing wrong. Just too much of trying to invest myself in people... I never really thought about it like that. He made me realize that I needed to do less of that, more of investing in myself. All of a sudden, it all made sense. That "you can't please anyone until you please yourself" stuff, stuff that I had also been preaching but never really thought I had a problem with, until now. Thanks, Carson.

I know I'm not the only one. Trying to please people, thinking that it'll be the ultimate pleasure. Yeah, it's nice but you gotta make sure you are doing right by yourself first or you're just not doing right at all.

Regardless to who reads this stuff, I really dunno if anyone does for real, but I don't care, I won't stop writing, I'm investing in myself by doing so I realize now. Whenever I'm done with it, if I ever am, I'll know I've done what I should have and that makes me happy.

So yeah, please people, but make sure you can afford to do it with yourself. If you must spend money, don't do things like buy your mom a gift, buy her lunch so you can hang out with her. Material is only temporary, unless it's diamonds, but diamonds can't by people, diamonds can't by time.

Diamonds are forever, but time is not. Give time while you have it, to yourself and the people you love. When you give time, you give love.

-->Alex Richey<--

Packing my life into my trunk again.

So.. Tomorrow is that day where I'm back to Evansville as a permanent place of residence for the next 10 months. As much as I go on about how happy this would usually make me, I've never felt so negatively about it. Crazy right?

Truth is, this Summer as short as it was, has undoubtedly been the greatest one of my life. I feel like I've never done so much good for myself and others, sad part is I still don't feel as if I've done enough. I wish I just had some more time. You can do so much, and yet never to enough, and most certainly cannot do too much. I'm glad the weather is as incredible as it has been these past couple days so I can just really enjoy my last bit of time here.

Where do I begin?

Well, thank God for The Rising.. That's for sure. I've never known such an incredible bunch of people, a family. There is so much love in this one place, it would blow one's mind. Definitely the biggest influence on this great summer I have had. Just getting involved there, starting with Bigstuf... All the new friends I have, it makes leaving home so much harder when you know a lot of people are here that care. I just can't say enough about that place. I owe so much to the place, to the person who brought it to my attention, to the people I've met there. I hope I can bring someone there and it have that same impact on them. My relationship with God isn't just so much better because of the place, it actually exist because of the place. It's gotten to be strong enough to where I know I won't need it forever to keep the relationship strong. It just makes me want to give so much more than I have. One thing I'll never forget, was baptizing one of my best friends. Wanna talk about feeling awesome, that'll do it for ya.

I feel so bad about this summer sometimes... I'm sorry to all the people I didn't get to spend the time with I know I should have. Mckenna, Secoy, Rachel, Kelsey, The Byas family, my own family... I'm really sorry to them. Just some of those things I didn't dedicate myself too enough. I feel like crap for it, but I guess I'm only human. And how in the world I went through a grand and didn't even go shopping, I don't know.. I feel like I'm a fool.. So does my dad ha..

And how little I worked this Summer.. I had big plans for myself, in regards to income. I was gonna do so much with myself financially, and get ready for this coming year.. Well that all went to hell. I ain't even gonna take that blame on my own though.. I can't say I didn't try. Don't ever cheat anyone, ESPECIALLY YOURSELF.

What else... Well, I got a tattoo done this Summer, that will stick with me forever. I think that's pretty cool. I'm glad I got something done I came up with on my own, in my own handwriting even. That makes it a lot more special to me, being something I believe in. And yeah, definitely addicting.

It's a shame that I had to cap off my summer with some bad news.. but I can't really let it bring me down. So what I gotta find another place to live, yeah I'm not happy about it, but that's why you plan for the worst and only HOPE for the best. Never let yourself fall short. I guess that's kinda like a losers way out, but when it's not all up to you there's not much else you can do. Yeah, school is gonna cost me quite a bit more than I had planned on this year, but it's still worth every penny.

This summer has taught me that even though things change, real friends don't. That's why I'm glad I have the tri-pod.. Still the best friends I've ever had, friends that I know I'll have forever. The first people to give me a realization of what friendship is about. I'm forever grateful...

Gotta wonder what if.. I didn't leave home for college... I didn't broaden my horizons... Never wrote a blog... Expressed myself like I only know how to... Never found God... Where would I be without all the things that keep me human? I guess that's why I say to never consider things that didn't happen, because they didn't happen, therefore it's irrelevant.

I dunno man... Life is crazy. To everyone that has been a part of this summer, thank you so much, it's been awesome. Even those of you who I didn't get to enjoy much of it with, you're still appreciated. Can't believe this summer is over.

"Though it's ending, things have only just begun. And the sky still grey, and I still seek the sun."

-Methodical Wun: The Rain

-->Alex Richey<--

Our God is doin' BIGSTUF

Don't mind the spelling, you'd get it if you were there...

Yesterday I returned home from what was undoubtedly the greatest four day span of my life. I'm talkin' like pure incredible. The BIGSTUF camp in Panama City Beach, and you thought that PCB was all about gettin' hammered drunk right? Wrong! It was used for worship, possibly the greatest example of it ever.

Everything we do is through what we think. Our thoughts reflect our words, which reflect our actions, which reflects our habits, which defines who we are. The most important thing that we think is what we think when we think about God. When we think about how great he is, the work he does, the way he loves us.

I saw there greatest gesture of God's power, watching people confess that they need Jesus in front of nearly 2000 others. Hearing one of my best friends tell me that he wanted to get baptized. Might have been the thing that I looked for the most in going there. Talking about it to someone last night brought me to tears because I am so happy, the happiest I have been in the longest time. Just to know that I helped to the work of God in being there to bring others to him is awesome.

Being a leader there meant a little extra responsibility, and more things to go to. None of us where much enthused by the extra stuff but I did hear one thing that will stick with me the rest of my life. "God uses broken people to tell his story of restoration and redemption." We are all God's broken people!!! We have all been broken at some point, those of us to allow our selves to be lifted up by God go on to tell the world of this magnificent change.

There was a time when I was the one, broken and lost... Until I found The Rising, and it did just that, raised me up. Now I'm here, restored and redeemed, ready to show someone else the light. What a bright light it is...

People will read this and think I'm crazy.. Maybe they are right, I'm crazy about God. They'll realize that the person who they went to high school with would never be writing this, that I'm not even that person anymore. The glory of God goes beyond all fame...

Besides the nearly 2000 total, the nearly 200 of the Rising is what I really care about the most. I've never made so many friends in such a short period of time, the work of God is amazing... The way that people come together for him is impossible for anything else. That alone should be enough to show one the power he has.

Romans 12:2-Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

That first sentence means change the way you think. Or maybe it says to be reborn all together. Either way, change the way you think about God until you conform to the second sentence.

There's just no real way to put it into words, you just have to be there... I'm sure it won't be my last.

Think-Live-Serve-Love

-->Alex Richey<--

Surrounded By God

So I talked to my youth pastor the other day about how I'm doing a presentation of a sermon for my religion class this week and I know what I wanna talk about, but just not sure of how to go about doing it. Matt told me to write it, like I do on here. The perfect way to start it because this stuff, well it's me. So here goes nothing...

So people ask a lot of questions about God. I mean, we have no real knowledge of God besides our own relationships. One question I'd say comes up often is "Where is God?" I believe the answer to be quite easy actually, God is everywhere. Some seem to think that you need to go to a church to find God or somewhere where people are doing the work of God like giving back in some way, something like that, no specifics. But like I said, God is everywhere, everything. God is there on a city street, amongst all the people, in this study lounge with me, in the church, everywhere you go.

Most of all, God is in you, in everyone. And as counterproductive as this sounds, you gotta pull God out of you. I know I know... Sounds weird. But think about it.. If you keep God in you, you may just bury him to deep. You have to pull God out of you, hold God above your head. This way, you can always hear him. You cannot hear what goes on inside of your body (besides your stomach sometimes of course), you cannot hear your heart beat without a stethoscope just as if you would not be able to hear God from the inside. God speaks to us, it's up to us to listen.

If we do not listen, if we do not work to build our relationship with the LORD we just bury him deeper inside us. When we do not work to keep this relationship strong, God is no longer on the outside. When we start to do things to not help us, skipping on worshiping, replacing time for God with time for other things, we create idols. This is like burying God in sand and then adding water to it. This is what you want to avoid, you may never get him back. But maybe if you realize you may be creating idols then you can fix it. You can pray, you can start living for God more often then hopefully you can pull God out of the sand.

We're all surrounded by God and there's nothing we can do about that, but it's up to us to accept the part of God that is inside us and what to do with it. Do you bury it or do you hold it high? I suggest figuring it out before you want to hold it high and it's already buried much too deep to find again...

Deuteronomy 3:16 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave nor forsake you.

-->Alex Richey<--

A Friday Night At Home (Spring Break 2010)

I just start thinking, then the typing starts...

And there I go again... I keep telling myself (since I only write to myself it seems) that I'm gonna post a blog and that'll get me back in the loop of doing it as often as I used too... It's a shame that it doesn't work like that.

I have all these thoughts brewing up in my head that I know would make good reading material, I just never put pen to paper (or finger to keyboard, whatever).

I've realized how college changes people, big time. I'll always be me, just not the same exact me I was from 2005 to 2009. Even though I changed throughout my years of high school as well. I'm just not sure how much of a problem I have with it. Sure I hate some of the aspects, like the fact that I don't write as much as I used too. That's multiple things like being too busy on top of school just getting to me and wiping out all of the creative thinking going on in my head.

I feel like college puts you through terrible things just to make you better off in the end. Smart people will suddenly feel dumb, just for a lack of preparation when they get there. They start wanting to transfer home and things like that, start questioning their whole future. I never made it that far, but I know of some people who have.

I have gotten to the point where I feel weird being here, at home. Home? This place? No way... I spent a good couple months at school without taking a trip back here and all of a sudden it's not home anymore. I hate that I feel that way. I'm not necessarily saying that I can't wait to get back because I am definitely enjoying the time off but it's weird. I almost think I'd be enjoying it more if I just had the time off and was sitting in SigEp (my fraternity house) right now. I'm just so out of the loop with being here, I feel so weird. Maybe I just miss my roommates and the other guys.

Time is definitely helping though, especially with today. This is kind of a typical New Albany Friday night for me. I go do my thing with my friends throughout the day then come home and chill. No problem with that, those weekend nights at home is what would put me in the mood to do things like this.

I'd say I'm doing pretty well for being here on spring break, but I did want it this way. I've spent some time with some friends and family, though I wish McKenna was here as well but that's okay. She'll be 21 this summer, I'm sure we'll spend some quality time haha. I'd say the days this week with my people have been less than eventful for the most part but good times for sure (except for pregnant girls at the club). It's still not the same though, something is just not the same. Maybe it's not having the big homie around anymore, it's just not home without Trell, but I have no choice but to get used to that. Rest in paradise fam...

It doesn't help to come back and see how much things have changed here. I walk into my work and I don't know anyone, someone I do know has some new haircut, people I never imagined together have some great relationship, not to mention my house has some interior remodeling going on. I get a break from school just to come home and my dad put me to work. I'm not complaining though, it's nothing but quality time to me.

Maybe eight days is too much though, after getting so comfortable at school I mean. Christmas break was no problem because I was always on edge at school, but now that I'm comfortable there and doing all the right things like good grades, I never really want to leave. After Thursday I was ready to go back, just too much of my mom I guess. I love her but she is definitely overwhelming.

And maybe I just got a lot on my mind, and I don't want to put anything else on there. Like my (Greek) big sister would ask me about why I was making dumb decisions at school, when I knew they were bad decisions. That's a fair enough question I'd say. It took me forever to come up with a legitimate answer but then it hit me. "I'd rather deal with that empty feeling after hooking up with someone, because even though as much as it sucks it's a hell of a lot better than that awful feeling you get from a break up, or even a relationship you were almost in that never really got there. A failure." Is that fair enough? Does anyone feel me on that? I never did well with break ups, granted I haven't been in a relationship in a long time. It's not like I haven't wanted to or tried, they just fall through and I get that awful feeling again. Yeah it's not as bad as a break up but it's a lot worse than it not happening. I've stopped that though, it just took some time, being new to the whole college thing.

It's things like that, just things I get mad at myself for. There's all kinds of things on my mind, just like every other person I'm sure, but not the same things. This job opportunity in Evansville, but am I even worthy of it? The fact that I'm a super pledge weighing on me all the time, killing me that I didn't make it to that one week but I'm glad enough that I'm still around for another chance.

I prayed for a couple good friends this past weekend, right in front of them. That was not easy. People may wonder why, but that means a lot to me. I know how it makes me feel when someone prays for me, especially right there with me in front of them. I remember the first time Matt did, that was just the beginning of a new life for me, or the preview to it. But meaning so much to me made it hard because that's the person I want to be, I want to be that person people ask for that, because of the way I look up to those people that ask for prayers from. I just don't know if I'm quite worthy of it, but I want to be, a lot more than some other things.

I spent some quality time with a friend tonight, seems like it brought back some old feelings. I don't know what to think of that, being in Evansville and what not. But I can't pretend to act like I forgot those old feelings, like they died when I moved or something like that, that text message I got definitely made me think. I catch myself reading it more than once so I'm sure I read it right. I just hope she's not putting something on herself she doesn't want to think about.

Jeeze.... what am I doing haha, I love to put myself on blast like this. What I strange life I lead, but I can't help it. Without this, I'm just that mysterious type to those I'm not close to I guess. It's not like anyone reads it anyways. This break's bout over, John Mayer concert tomorrow, can't wait for that one. Then Sunday it's back to school, gotta go to church though. I don't know what I would do without Northside that's for sure, that's one thing that helps make this place feel like home.

"Me and all my friends, we're all misunderstood. They say we stand for nothin' and there's no way we ever could. Now we see everything that's goin' wrong with the world and those who lead it, we just feel like we don't have to means to rise above and beat it. So we keep on waiting, waiting on the world to change. We keep on waiting, waiting on the world to change. It's hard to beat the system when we're standing at a distance. So we keep on waiting, waiting on the world to change."

-->Alex Richey<--

He Dropped The World

I'll remember it as long as I shall live... December 18, 2009 at 2:42 pm I received that phone call. It was my buddy Kyle calling me up, I figured he was trying to invite to do something that night since we had just ran into each other the day before. Dude couldn't even keep his sentences together...

"A-Rich I need to you to t-t-t-take me seriously right now... like as serious as ever,"

"okay whats up bud?"

"I'm not kidding, this is serious..." At this point I'm annoyed

"Dude what the hell do you have to tell me?"

"Dude Trell... Trell's dead..."

"No... no no no no.... your kidding me"

"No I'm not, he died earlier... he... he's gone..."

We talked for a few minutes but nothing else we said mattered after that. I called Biddy to end up talking to Lamar, only to hear Biddy crying in the background. I call Brandon, knowing he's four hours away. It took a few attempts to get a hold of him, but it only hurt to talk to him hearing the state that he was in.

I was like in shock... It was kinda like everything around me just stopped, or it blurred or something, things were just not making sense at all. It amazing some of the things I saw on facebook within hours after the event. You realized how many people were affected.

I'd say I'm a strong person, I've dealt with a lot, I don't really cry. I can honestly say that me and Trell were one of each others' best friends, we were more than that, him, Brandon, Biddy, and myself were a family, are a family, we were accepted as part as his family. I got a lot weaker that day, I didn't cry much, but I still did. This was the single biggest loss I had ever suffered in my life.

I got really pissed off at a lot of people that night, I mean we did, the three of us. When we were invited to drink in his memory by a bunch of people that weren't the friends to him that we are. It was selfish of us no doubt, but we were pissed off, our brother was taken from us and we didn't want to go anywhere to have what could possibly be a good time and we were pissed off that so called friends were doing that. We actually went, and we really had to leave, wasn't our scene that night.

I realized in that selfishness that even though we were the tripod(them being the three legs and me being deemed by Trell as the short arm that points the camera) Trell was a real personal dude. If you didn't like Trell, something was wrong with you, really wrong. He was there for people, he was the muscle in our crew, he was the shoulders, he was a shoulder for everyone. The three of us, hell the four of us because I can't forget Chris lost our shoulders that day.

I so bad wanted to wake up the next day and this be a dream, I'm still in that dream I feel like because it's so surreal. I'm glad I got in touch with God when I did for I would've rejected God after this. Ended up needed God more than ever after this.

We were one day away from all being together. The next day Brandon was gonna be home and we were probably all gonna get trashed together who knows what the hell we would've done, it just would've been great to have us all in the same room again because it had been forever. It would've been just like my junior year when I became part of that crew. The statuesque tradition of movie night. We wasn't always watching a movie but there was always a movie playing. Sometimes it was just us, sometimes it became a party but no matter what it turned into, it was always us. It was our thing, it's what we did and we never did much else because all we ever needed was each other. Always at "Olde Town...my house...third floor...on the couch" as Trell would say. That's where we made our memories and we had plenty more to make.

Every great memory I recall from high school involves these guys, I even remember the first time I ever hung out with them. I was and will always be "token white boy" and they'll always be my niggas, I might not ever call anyone else that... probably shouldn't. I remember when I got to my senior year, I was miserable without them but once they came back it was on. Back to the good old days.

I remember during the wake, I don't know how I ended up at the podium speaking but I did, I had to fight back the tears, he wouldn't want that. I got up there and told about the good times, because Trell was a good times type of guy and I had to do what I could to put a smile on the face of my self and everyone else, that guy was always smiling. I don't get to see that smile anymore, don't get to make anymore stories. I hate that seeing him in a box was the first time I had seen him in way too long. We had just talked a couple days prior, about the weekend too. It was on our agenda to get together.

That funeral service was a hard day. I think that's when it all sunk in. I was one of the honorary pall bearers, Biff, Chris, Biddy, Brandon, and myself. One mentor, one apprentice, and the remaining pieces of the tripod. I sat there, soaking up all that was being said, watering up here and there but never really crying. Until it was over, until we stood up to take one more look and to walk by the family. We were close to that family, we are close to that family. When Trell was in Iowa at school I would still stop by the Olde Towne to see the fam, I was the token white boy to that whole family not just those three. But walking past there was when I lost it, probably the hardest cry I ever cried. I really felt like the whole week of him passing had hit me and the fact that I have to spend the rest of my life without my nigga had all just hit me. It was the single worst feeling I had ever felt. It still hurts.

Brandon, Biddy, and myself shared a hug in the lobby. Tellin' each other that were all we have left, our crew took a major blow there but were still gonna stay strong, he'll keep us that way in spirit. We know that even though we don't spend near as much time together as we used to that shit hasn't changed. There's no doubt in my mind that I'd jump in front of a bullet for those guys and I know they'd do the same.

Trell was that person that you didn't want to let down, if you was messing up, you didn't want to admit it to him. He demanded the best from everyone and did whatever he could to be the best for himself. The promise that Chris made to Trell to get an education outside of Clarksville is the most important promise that Chris will ever keep because that will better him and Trell knew it, and Chris would not let Trell down. Real friends never would and nobody would want to let Trell down because he was trying to look out for everyone. He was the shoulders for everyone.

He held the world up with those shoulders, and when he dropped, so did the world...

I'm gonna recover, I mean I'm done crying. This can't get any worse, God forbid I lose another person. But I can't lose Trell again, I just have to go the rest of my days without him. That's shitty but it's life. To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, shit I hope so. Mourning is just as much a part of life as celebrating, that's something I've learned from this. So I tell our stories of the great times we had to celebrate the life he lived, to celebrate the fact that I know we'll hold movie nights in the sky one day. It's gonna seem like a short time once were there. I'm gonna celebrate the fact that I know that me and the guys have a guardian angel looking over us at all times now because he was that the entire time, but now we just can't see him or speak with him. We don't need to, he knows we love him and we know he loves us.

He told us not to sweat the small stuff, he's probably shaking his head at me right now for being the emotional wreck that I am but I can't help it, now I have to just remember him saying it instead of actually hearing it.

Jeantrell Aushant Byas (11/24/89-12/18/09), "Tiny", number 77, Rest In Paradise my brother... Save some room for me on that sectional couch I'm sure your playin' xbox on for when the rest of us show up...

He loved them head phones, I had to get me a pair as well...

I could never write something good enough, but I had to write something... He'd appreciate it I know he would. My world will always be missing something now, a piece fell off when it dropped and broke, broke my heart but will never break the love I have for mine...

Tripod Forever

-->Alex Richey<--

Rushing Things

A recap of this past Thursday morning...

So... I don't have class until 1:15 on Thursdays and even though I would love to sleep in and get plenty of rest, I opt to wake up at 9:30 so I can get a good start, get lunch, and study for the exam I'm going to have in that class that day. So 9:30 rolls around and I hit the snooze button, why not? I'm in no rush, clearly. Well the second alarm rolls around and all of a sudden it's 1:40... How does that happen? It doesn't snooze for 10 minutes, but an hour and 10 minutes. Now I jump out of bed, highly pissed. Cussing and going off about how stupid this thing is for doing that, while throwing my clothes on and running out the door. On the way across the street I pass one of the guys and complained about my misfortune and he told me good luck, I guess since I was half an hour late for my exam.. I knew I was screwed. Until I had almost made it an entire block and I pull out my cell phone to come to the realization that it is 9:44 am. I turn around and my buddy sees that I notice the time and we both can't help but laugh. I get back to my room to look at my clock and I was right to freak out, it really did jump four hours. I don't know why, maybe it's some sick joke that the clock does. It sure worked.

The panic and rush I was in was not a pleasant position. I hated that moment and it took a good while to collect myself. But I realize, it's like that for many people, just about everyone. We're always rushing to some place or rushing to get something done and it's always our own fault that were in that position. I realized at the moment I was running to class that it was my own fault that I hit the snooze, it's my own fault every time that I wait until the day before to finish a paper and stay up way too late finishing it. And I know I'm not the only one.

You gotta think, it's just part of life, being rushed. But how many of us purposely do that? Wait until the last minute to write a paper, or leave home to give us just enough time to get to work, or class or wherever we shouldn't be late for. Are we just being lazy or can we not imagine life without being rushed?

Why is everyone always in a rush? Why is everyone always speeding to where they are driving except old people? You don't have to be anywhere when your retired, must be nice. Why is everyone always too busy to do a favor because that small gift of time would mess up what they are doing and all of a sudden they're in even more of a rush?

Why do we rush through life? We make it to where we can't even enjoy it. This crazy busy of a semester with non-stop rushing has made me realize that. I remember move in day to the "T" and it was like two and a half months ago, I wonder where time between now and then went. But then again, I remember almost all of it because it all feels like just yesterday. Yeah, it's nice to be able to recall everything, but it would be much better to actually be able to enjoy most of it. The late night talks with my brothers and all the times of the chanting loud enough for the whole campus to hear it. And of course the times when I get to get my ass kicked in 2k by the dude that's pretty much the reason I even go to this school.

All I'm saying is that we're going to continue to rush through life until it's over before we know it because we never took the time to actually enjoy it. I'm trying to slow down, get things right the first time so I can enjoy some free time afterwards, and just enjoy the aspects of life a little bit more.

I'm starting to learn more and more everyday that life is too good to just rush through, and that I'm at the beginning of the best years of my life right now and I can't afford to mess them up. This is where responsibility really starts.

So go head, live life to the fullest...

-->Alex Richey<--

Getting Unsettled Again

So I know I've been in need of one for a very long time now, well that time is here. College has really got to me, its been crazy and that's kept me from writing and I hate it. When it comes to finding some free time and you can actual relax, or write if your like me, good luck and finding it if you don't wanna be up into the wee hours of the night. I can't lie, I'm having the time of my life and I'm sure it's only going to get better but it takes a lot out of me, not the fun but the school.

I can honestly say I've never really had to try in school, well those days are gone now and never to return I'm sure. Mentally it's a killer. I have spent many of days suffering from mental exhaustion. Staying up until two, three in the morning some nights is just not what I was hoping for, thank God I have the student center to work in which also makes me realize that I'm not the only one.

I have definitely learned a lot here though. And no, it's not to don't pass out with your shoes on.. I've gained much more than scholarly knowledge being here but I have received that too. Life lessons have come along with that as well. I would never have expected so much to happen in only my first month of school but it has, it's just insane.

I've had another example that your friends are definitely more important than females, and I have gotten a real example of brotherhood, a brotherhood that I cannot wait to be a part of. I've definitely learned that high school does not prepare you for college, and Clarksville high School doesn't at all... I know I'm being changed by college, it's bound to happen but it's for the better I can already tell. I was told repeatedly that I would fail here, that I wasn't ready. That is motivation enough, and he was right, I wasn't ready but I'm adjusting and I'm not failing either. It's going to take some work to be where I want to but I have full confidence that I'll be better off with time. I've learned that I can stay true to my faith, despite the fact that many thought college would turn me out. Ask anyone and they'll tell you, I've probably spoken to them about God and what God has done for me.

I think that's helping me to deal with the difficulties here. I have God in my life, just knowing that simple fact makes things better for me. I had a moment where me and this guy who is an alumni in the fraternity that I'm joining got in my face and called me things like stupid and ignorant for being a Christian. The night before when I met him, before he knew my beliefs we were really cool but he judged me on what I believe. I would never force my beliefs on someone, I accept everyone for who they are and if they don't like the same things I do, so be it. Just respect what I believe. I don't think I had ever been so mad in my life, but with some wise words from some wiser people than I, I was fine.

That was definitely a situation I didn't expect to deal with but I'm well over it now. The thing was that I thought he was real cool until that went down. It's things like that that are making me stronger. I lost that argument I admit. I mean, I wasn't trying to convince the guy that what I believed was better than Atheism, I was just trying to get him to respect me but it didn't work. He did whatever he could to put me down. It got to me but it didn't affect my faith. Only made me stronger.

I've had two instances where I have slept in the room with someone that wasn't my roommate. On both instances I behaved. I was proud of myself I guess because I'm sure that a few months ago I may have acted differently. But also I haven't been into treating women like nothing. A relationship right now is probably far from what I need but I'd much rather do that than just get around. That's not the person I'm going to be.

When it comes to back home, yeah I miss it. I miss my boys, I miss my family. I REALLY miss my dog, she can't communicate with me, that's sad. It made me really appreciate home when I went there last weekend and everyone was really happy to see me, I didn't really expect that much. Honestly I feel like the thing I want here that I have back home is my church. I feel lost without Northside here, it sucks. It's not making me act out in ways I wouldn't if I was going to church but I just want the words of wisdom. I'm still reading my Purpose Driven Life, but only for a few more days. After that I'm going to start on the Bible. I hear that's a good one...

Honestly, I'm loving it. This may be the best time of my life already and I know it's only getting better. I can't wait for this evening, it's passover. No, not the Jewish holiday, the day I pledge to my fraternity and become a part of this brotherhood I'm so excited for. It's probably the same reason I woke up so early. That's why this is titled "Getting Unsettled Again" because I'll probably moving out of my dorm tomorrow, but really I'm feeling right at home here. I was having trouble write, hopefully those days are behind me and can get back to putting them out a lot. I feel it's necessary to share what I learn with the world.

I'm starting to learn how I have to do things, school-wise and that's going to set me up for the rest of college and I'll be absolutely fine. I'll have brothers to get my back if I start to fall. The best days of before are not going to compare to the future, and I can't wait. I'm not going to rush though, I'm going to enjoy every moment of it.

"May the best of your todays be the worst of your tomorrows, but we ain't even thinkin' that far yet..." - Jay-Z: Forever Young

-->Alex Richey<--

Yeah, I'm back... Be ready.

New Life

So today, Sunday the 16th (even though it's technically Monday) I was baptized. I'm 18 years old, older than most people that are typically being baptized but I wouldn't want it any other way. The choice was mine.

A year ago, you would've been crazy to think you'd see me in chuch and even a month ago, getting baptized was not something I had even considered. Now it's all different, this is the path for me, this is the person that I want to be and I could not have made a better choice.

When I was young (like child status) I had occasionally been drug into church. It's not like I didn't necessarily want to go, I just didn't understand, wasn't made to understand so I didn't care much, just went and behaved.

As I got older, more into the middle school ages I went a little more often. I would go to the FCA meetings after school and sometimes to the youth groups on Wednesdays. As I look back onto it I see that I really was only there because I had friends there. Sure I sang along with the songs and stuff but I never got the message. I would sit and listen, but I never really heard what was being said, it just wasnt on my wavelength. So I stopped going for a while.

In high school I would go to church occasionally with my grandma, or with my dad and step mom. I could just never get into it and the catholic church was just really not for me. No disrespect to those who are catholic, it's just not my thing. I really tried hard to get into it, go some sundays, go like every wednesday but it never did anything for me.

I never grew up with the most satifying life. For a while things went well but when they started getting at home around the time I was getting into middle school, they never got better. It was like things would appear to be improving and just never did. Like every little promise was being broken. This was kind of motivation for me to get into it but it never worked. My grandma did it, my granny was in church, and my mom was going with my grandma and taking my brothers as well, and my little sisters are going to a catholic school. It was as if I was the only one not getting in touch.

My grandma would ask me to go to church occasionally and I would just to make her happy, she would ask me if I'd like to attend some camps and I would in the best way I could find a reason not to go. I wasn't much for having the stuff shoved down my throat when it wasn't something I was into. My mom would ask me why I never went anymore. My honest excuse was the one I gave her, "it doesn't do anything for me." That was the truth. I had spent time praying, going to church, and paying dues, hoping for things to be looking up, hoping for my miracle that never happened. She accepted it, for she knew how I felt and wouldn't try to force me into although she would have rather me been there.

I had become anti-church. It wasn't that I was atheist because I did believe there was a God, it's just that I didn't believe in that God, didn't believe that it was my God. I was respectful to all those who chose that life style, it was just not my life style. I had tried and tried and it had just never had the effect I had wanted it to so I just shut it out.

I had got to the point where I wasn't gonna look to God for answers, only myself with no consideration for any other way. I had become ambitious, living only for me. I felt as if I was the only person who could make my life better. I didn't like to ever discuss religion with people, especially my family. People want to see someone who loves God, maybe they are envious and impressed sometimes, and I did not want to let anyone down but at the same time I would not avoid being honest so I would therefore feel like an ass for not being what they may want.

I'm not sure when it was that I started hanging out with Michael, sometime when there was still snow on the ground, and I'm not sure when the first time he invited me to church was, I think it was sometime after the snow melted. But I do remember feeling like an ass for being honest with him about my opinion on it. Here is my pretty good friend at the time, not as close as we are now but still someone I hang with a lot, he ask me to go to church with him one day and the only response I have for him is "Church is a hustle to me." and that was my honest opinion. I had gotten out of it so much that I was against it. I had only though of church as something that was designed to get your money. So he left it alone for a while and after inviting me a couple more times I abided and decided to try it out....

I don't remember my first time going to Northside, I was still in my idea of it not being for me, but after going a couple times and attending the Rising occasionally I started to pay attention. I had still never considered my baptism but I was starting to enjoy church somewhat, started to remember what was being talked about, started relating it to my life. Started to actually hear the message.

I remember Easter, my family was mad at me for not going with them but going to Northside for church was what I wanted to do and like I had said, the Catholic church is just not for me. Sure I did feel kind of bad for it but I had to do what is right for me and of course I did not want to turn down brunch with my best friend's family afterwards, the friend that had got me going to church in the first place. I was getting close to graduating, I'm less that a week from moving away now so I started to feel as if I needed to make some decisions on my own.

It started to seem as if faith had a bigger and bigger part in my life as time went on, even though that was not necessarily a big part since I had started from pretty much zero. I remember the long talks with Wendy my manager when I would get off work, this very religious woman, and seeing what she had been through, I listened and I listened very attentively. That helped my growth along with this message I had heard at church in the early part of June about living small, living like Jesus. Matt Allman gave that message and it had hit me harder than any other I had ever heard to that point. I even someone based an older blog on it (post #19) "The Greatness Of Self." After that I had definitely wanted to go to church.

From the later part of June until early/mid part of July I was very busy. Two weeks in Evansville for school, a week home, then a week on vacation. I missed a lot of church in those weeks, and strangely enough, I was not happy about it, I wanted to get back into the church and it was one of the reasons that I wanted to be home.

Shortly after I got home Michael had to go on his church retreat which I had originally wanted to go but could not afford too and was much too tired of being gone. When he came home Steven and I went to the Rising with him that next Sunday to hear about the retreat. These people had all these great stories about how much they had learned while they were there and how much closer they had grown to God. I was greatly envious and I had seen seven people get baptised that evening. That may have been the most amazing thing I had ever seen in my life just to see God have this kind of effect on these people, they were all just so happy... Like they had all just been given new life. It was incredible, it was from that moment that I knew I wanted that in my life. That was two weeks ago.

I had let the days go by just considering it, making a little mention of me wanting to get baptized to a few people, none to my family. I had just felt if I was to tell them before and then not go through with it that I would let them down, and there was still that uncertianty to it.

All that uncertianty had gone this past Friday at the Block when I had spoke to Matt about it. I told him and he thought it was great and he sat me down to have a talk about it. I told him my story in where I had stood my whole life with faith, basically all this typed here and he told me that I was getting baptized Sunday. Strangely it was one of the best things anyone had ever told me. I don't know how or why I got to feeling the way I do but I'm glad I do, I wouldn't have it anyother way. Then he prayed for me, prayed for the decision I had made, prayed for my future life, my new life with Christ. I had never had anyone ever pray for me until then.

He prayed like he was sitting across from God instead of me, prayed like he was talking to one of his buddies. That was something I had never had when I was younger and couldn't get into it. I would pray and instead of talking to God it was more like I was just thinking about what I wanted to pray about to myself. It was one of those things that just made me want to give up. Now I know how to talk to God though and all the doubt is gone.

I was tired of living for only me, I wanted more purpose in my life and I found that purpose with the help of the church, and more importantly and more importantly my friends. Now I have God as that higher purpose and I know I am not doing it alone.

I knew going in there that I wanted Michael to baptize me, or atleast help Matt do it. If not for Michael taking me, I'd never had been in there and if not for the things I had heard Matt say during the Rising and during Sunday mornings I would not have been in that water. All it took was a couple of questions, a couple of confessions. They weren't hard to answer, it was a simple yes or no but it was evidence of how much my life had been changed in such a short time because a few months ago the answers would have been all no.

A part of me feels kind of bad for not telling my family before, but it was the choice I had thought to be the right one. I wanted this for me, not anyone else. I didn't know if it would be the right thng for them to be there because they weren't part of my transition. It also makes me proud that it was a decision that I had made on my own, I wouldn't have done it if I was told do and nobody had ever really suggested it. Sometimes the choices you have to make don't necessarily make everyone happy but you have to live with that because you can't make everyone happy. You gotta make you happy first because you always have to live with yourself.

I'm glad I made the choice I did, there is no empty feeling in my anymore. I hope I can be the inspiration for someone the way my best friend was to me. There can be no better feeling than having a positive impact on someone's life I'm sure. I'm just an example that this is possible, a life with God is possible, and it's the best life to live for me. This is My New Life.

"It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life... for me." -Michael Buble: Feeling Good

-->Alex Richey<--

What Summer Break?

So it's been a minute since I graced the keyboard in this manner, too long of a minute. It's disappointing I know but it was due to forces I could not control, like the weather. Well, I'm back now, back to discuss the time between now and the last post, a lot has gone on, a lot has gone wrong. Somethings in my life are good, somethings in my life, I just don't know exactly what to say about them.

I've really started to miss home. I just graduated high school this year and i should really be having a good time but this summer has been almost nothing but work work work.. On June 18th I went to UE for two weeks for my orientation and a summer class, the EDGE program. That was two weeks long, after that was over, came home for 10 days, then I went to myrtle beach. Yeah it was myrtle beach, nice place but when you have only been home just a little over a week in the past month, there is no place like home. I figured out the other day that I have been away from home this summer about the same amount of time that I have been at home. I haven't started my semester yet, I don't need to get used to it yet, that's just how I feel.

Wednesday marks the start of my final month here at home. I really don't know what to say about that one, I feel like life as I know it is just being yanked out from under my feet, like I'm the dinette set on top of a table clothe and someone is gettin' ready to pull. I'm not gonna land on the table though, I'm gonna fall.

I've been graduated for well over a month now, I have hung out with one person I graduated with, one time. That's all. It's kinda pathetic I know, and it's not necessarily something I like, it's just the way it is. I can honestly say that I have tried to, it just doesn't always work out, I mean something is always wrong somewhere with something. Remember this imperfect life? Nothing is ever perfect, you just have to live it to the best of your abilities.

This past month has just been killer, like major.... Three weeks I have spent away from home, that's three weeks of losing money because if your not making money, then your losing it. Even if your not spending it, your missing an opportunity to make it, a missed opportunity is a loss. This is the worst possible time for it as well, it seems as if everything that cost money is hittin' me right now, I'm glad I paid some bills in advance because I don't know how'd I'd manage paying them along with everything else. I like how the day before I leave for vacation, I blow a tire, and the day I get my tire replaced my antennae falls off... What the hell is up with that?

One thing that is really wrong with this Summer so far is that it has me feeling as if I have already moved away. I was supposed to use it to spend time with my family and the friends that I have right now before I move away and things become different. Things are gonna be different, they already are in a lot of ways and I'm yet to really begin. The summer program doesn't really count, yeah it's a class but I'm home now. I haven't had the opportunity to spend this summer with many of my friends at all, I haven't even really had the opportunity to try. I've talked to some people but it's just not the same... I haven't seen like anybody from clarksville at all this summer, haven't seen Mckenna since the day before she went on vacation, that's over a month and she's been home. I haven't seen Secoy since the day before Mickey left. Man how I miss my boy Mickey Callis. I need to write that dude and I've been slackin, I'm gonna get on that soon though. The last time I saw my cousin was a pretty tragic day, I'd much rather it be a good time.

I'd much rather leave here on a good note in general. Everybody probably has a negative feeling towards me now though because I haven't talked to many of them in a good while. They may get the idea that I consider myself better than them since I'm going away to this private college while the majority of them are staying home. It's not like that at all, I can't help if people don't fit into my life right now, if they really think that I've become some ass hole then they can kiss my ass hole. I don't really care... I'm not legit because I'm going away on a scholarship? I feel like I'm as real as it gets and I'm doing what I can to improve me because that's all it comes down to is looking out for number one.

Life's not easy right now, I feel like I'm getting beat in the head with a blunt object. No, I don't have a headache all the time but it's like I can never find balance, like something is always hitting me, knocking me out of the loop. It's not that I'm scared of the change, I'm just not used to it. Things were the same for a long time and now it's all changing so fast, my body and my mind are struggling to keep up, but they'll catch up eventually. The other day somebody told me that God was testing me. A couple months ago I would've laughed at them... "What God?" I'd probably say... I was starting to feel like religion was just a comfort zone for people who needed to feel like everything actually did happen for a reason. Well now I actually do follow the gospel, sometimes study it. I know I can pass the test, this one I may actually have to study for, that's not something I actually do. Probably the reason I didn't get a higher ranking, maybe I should start to try, start to care.

This whole going out on a good note thing has been a struggle so far. I made somebody really sad recently, hurt her feelings. Really didn't want to do that, ultimately it was my fault, I will take the blame for that. I feel like the actions of her and maybe some other people around could have led to that not happening but those actions never happened. I felt like shit, a complete ass. The one thing I do agree with that people say about me, a nice guy. I'd like to keep that title, but I feel like I do things to mess it up. I'm glad all that is okay now, but it did some damage to me. I just can't stand to be the one to make somebody sad, I'm usually the one trying to be the shoulder to cry on.

I've been trying to spend some more time at my mom's house recently. I lived with her for the first 16 years of my life and now I'm bout to move away. She's one of those types with the letting go problem. I hated being gone three weeks out of the past month, I can't really even imagine what that did to her, I'm her first child, she has to hate it I know. It doesn't help that all this time she gets to see me is limited. It also makes me feel kinda bad that I want to go hang out with my friends more that my family recently. The family love is unconditional, which is not the same for the friends, these are people you can live without and usually end up getting weeded out. I don't necessarily want that to happen yet so I'm trying to make the best of the time I have.

We can call that my certain situation right now, just trying to make the best of the time I have. I'd say I'm doing a little bit better than others who are just letting it slip away, like I bout did. This past year has been a roller coaster thats for sure. Wanting just move on and wanting to hold on. Right now I'm wanting to hold on just because I realize how close I am from having no choice but to move on. I'm okay with that, that's the way it is. I got great people around me right now, can't complain a bit, I really care about these people but there is about to be a time where these relationships are going to be tested. I know of a few that will continue to matter, I'm still trying to decide on some others.

I got about a month to go, and I got a lot to do between now and then. Okay God, bring on the exam, I'm as ready as I'll ever be, probably can't find another as ready as me...

I'm just one man, waiting on my world to change. Until then, I'm just trying to make the best of the time I have left, God knows I don't have much...

-->Alex Richey<--

Time Is Against Us (Ode To Mickey Callis)

**This one goes out to my dear friend Mickey Callis and everyone affected by him leaving. Summer 2009 will not be the same without Mickey but we're gonna live it up the best we can on his behalf. He wouldn't want it any other way.**

We all have those memories that we can remember just as they were yesterday, regardless how long ago they actually happened. Soak up those memories for everything they are worth. These memories stay with us as long as we would want them too. When they say "Things forgotten are sure to repeat" they are not entirely right, so hold onto those memories as long as you can, forever if you can.

Today was a hard day for me and a few of my friends, we had to say bye to Mickey. Here in just a few hours he will be on a plane to basic training in South Carolina. Today was the last time I will see Mickey until atleast November, the last time I will have an actual conversation with Mickey for atleast nine weeks. It's a very, very harsh reality for me and the ones there with me today. I'm not one to cry, I am one to be sad, and I am one to be the shoulder for those who can't help but let out their emotions. It did not help my mood to see Secoy, Kasey, and Britt not take it so well, but I can't blame them.

It's gonna be a real shitty time without him. Mickey is a great guy, just as big, maybe a bigger inspiration to me than he claims to me to be to him. I never would have thought that going to hang out at my cousin's after prom party would lead to me making so many new friends, especially a friend like him. I've only know Mickey for about two months but it seems like we've been boys for years.

I refuse to say goodbye, that's just not the way it is. You don't say goodbye to someone you plan to see again, I had to correct him on his last blog that had "goodbye" in the title because everyone he tagged in it is gonna see him again, atleast I'll be sure I will. When's the last time you actually said "goodbye" to someone? It only seems appropriate to me to say to someone who is about to die, but at the same time you don't want to say it because you don't want it to happen, so it is usually never said. I'm not gonna say goodbye to Mickey because I know I'll be seeing him as soon as possible. He's going to basic training, not war. He will be back.

That doesn't change the fact that he is leaving for a long ass time...

There is just never enough time... We all do what we can, but no matter how much we do, we always feel as if we didn't do enough, didn't do as much as we wanted to. It didn't take long at all for us to develop the good friendship that we have, but as we are becoming the good friends that we are, it is time for him to go. It's shitty, but that's the way that it is. It's unfair, as life is. It's as if we did something, in becoming the friends that we are but never got the chance to live it out to the fullest, never got enough time to kick enough times, never got enough time to really enjoy it.

I've made so many new friends through this group lately. Of course I'm closest to Secoy that I am to the rest of them, that's fam, then it would be Kasey since I've gotten to know her for a few years now but it didn't take me long to develope this friendship with Mickey, as if we clicked the first time we kicked it. He's a goofy ass dude, but so much deeper and intelligent than meets the eye. I could always count on his input on my blogs, very shortly after they are posted. Loved how Mickey is the reader that he is. The biggest impact on my life has been the impact that I have had on others. I'm just glad that I have made an impact and he let's me know it. That is huge inspiration.

The clock never stops ticking... And it always moves at one speed, fast. If your not careful time will blow right past you. There's no such thing as a "New York Minute" obviously, time flies by for all of us, we need to enjoy every minute of it to the best of our abilities, don't miss out on anything. I feel as if I did. Since I realize the friendships that I have with these people now, I wish(yeah i said wish) that I would have started to hang out with them sooner. Opportunity is taken or it is missed, that was a missed opportunity but not missed entirely. Like I said in an earlier post "wishing is wanting something that you most likely will not have" and I can't change the past so I didn't get what I wished for.

As you reach the end of one of your books in your series of life (post #17) it would be wise to carry a camera. It is great to replay memories in your mind but it is better to actually see them, to better keep them alive. Don't waste an opportunity to make the most out of your life, don't waste the opportunity to create a memory. Time is against everyone, it is our mortal enemy. Unless your on the winning end of a game, time ticking means opportunity lost if your not taking full advantage of the moment.

I'm gonna miss Mickey big time while he's gone, but he is not the only one. There is a similar feeling towards some of my other friends who I will not likely be seeing or talking too for a long time. It's just different becuase Mick is one of my good friends, someone I make an effort to hang out with and he's being forced into this position, it just makes it all the worse. But we're gonna make it through no problem, anything for Mickey.

Dear Mickey,

Thanks for being the guy that you are. I haven't had many friends as good as you and have had many less inspirations like the one that you are. I'm gonna miss you while your gone big time, but I'm gonna live it up for you for sure and I'm gonna make sure all of our friends are doing the same thing. I know you wouldn't want us to be sad over you not being around. I'm gonna continue to hold it down, keep blogging and definitely keep you posted through the mail because I know you'll be looking forward to it. Regardless to the short amount of time we had between now and the first time we hung out I know you see me as just as much a friend as I do you. You have no idea how much you input and words are inspiring and appreciated. I'll be writing and expecting your replies, but I understand, so will everyone else so it's okay if it takes some time my dude, nothing but love. I hope you get the opportunity to read this before they take away your life over there lol. If not, you'll get it in the mail for sure. Your last day, as sad as it may have been for all of us, only showed that we really love you for who you are bro, don't let the drill sgt. drill the "Mickey" out of "Richard Mitchell Callis". We all know damn well that's impossible anyways. Keep doin' you bro, I'm gonna keep doin me and I'll be in touch. Don't forget me, or anyone else while your out there...

Your boy,

-->Alex Richey<--

This Imperfect Life

It's a lovely summer night...

I've been waiting on this since like what? Blog 10? Lol it feels damn good outside right about now. It's maybe a little cooler than I'd prefer but still, at the moment I'm really enjoying myself and being outside on a summer night is really the only time I can enjoy myself, by myself.

I feel like as I get older that it becomes easier for me to be okay with me to be alone, not like a loner but like right now. I used to absolutely hate going and doing something with friends then coming home, drove me crazy but now I've got to the point were I'm totally ok with it.

So until yesterday for a week I was without my cellular, it wasn't hell but it definitely was not pleasant. It didn't kill me but I definitely would not want to do it again. During the time I only talked to a few people, the ones that I see or talk to on a daily. I was without text messaging so I was without talking to a large amount of people. This made graduation set in very quickly. The reason I didn't blog about graduation the day of or any day soon after is because it never really hit me, but those several days without my cellphone cut off communication to most of my friends and I was without my classmates the entire time. I then got a sample of what it is soon to be like. It didn't necessarily sadden me because it is expected but it was different. Like, I could live without these people but I wouldn't necessarily want to and it most likely would not be the same life. It's amazing how one thing as simple as a cell phone can change so much of the way your life is.

Now as I sit here and do what I usually do when I'm alone, I think about how perfect and imperfect things are. If you didn't catch that, when I'm alone I reflect on life. The gears are always turning, I'm always thinking. I've had a really tough life, I've dealt with plenty of adversity and hard times, but have managed to pull through. Now I feel like karma is in my favor and the hard life that I had growing up with things falling apart and promises being broken, now it seems like things are only going in a positive direction. Of course things can be great but never perfect... But I'm far from complaining.

I owe so much to my closest of friends, the ones I have had the past few years and some for even just a few months, the ones that have been the true friends. The ones I can relate to, the ones that can help me through the ups and downs that I have been through because they understand where I'm coming from with it. The people that didn't have to be there but were.

Brandon Frazier; always a dude that I have looked to for advice, a man who I have chosen to follow a similar path and with good reason. Someone I can look up to but also not put on a pedestal. Always more than meets the eye, one of the best friends I've ever had. I don't need an essay to show how big a part of my life this guy is.

Jeantrell Byas; the muscle, the quiet one. The one person who can understand anything and most likely relate to it all as well. The one to go to when I or any of our friends really needed to talk to someone about something. Everyones' shoulder.

Robert Myers; Biddy, a little late on responsibility lol but it's all good.. Maybe the most chill person I know but always there to lighten up a situation, always able to make a place way more fun, but surprisingly thats not all he is about. Just like the other two of the tripod that I learned to call fam he is as deep and as intelligent as they come. A little man, a huge presence.

I didn't think I'd make it through my senior year without these three but I did just fine. It was hard at first but they aren't the type of friends that would allow me to throw it all away when they know that I've put in a lot of work, that I've gone through too much to let it all be a waste. The tripod, and as trell put it, I'm the little handle on top that swindles the camera around. These three were the first to ever make me feel like I belonged somewhere.

Also I can't forget...

Kelsey Becker; practially my sister for like six years now ever since we had a personal journal in the 7th grade to write notes back and forth too. That was cute... My prom date, both times. One of the most beautiful people I have ever met and I'm sure, will ever know. It helped having her in school with me for those years, even when high school came and we never shared classes. My "American Sister" lets not go there lol...

Michael Chrisman; Crispy. Probably the first person that ever got me to try new things. Got me to like soccer and got me into church, wow. The friend I needed when all the real friends I had were away. The biggest smart ass in the world, without a doubt but you get used to it. Christian, Chrispan, Crimson, and even Cheeseman, however you get his last name messed up, that's still my dude.

Chris Smith; brother bear. He has his nickname for a reason. He's just the type of friend to come to the rescue when someone needs it. Been friends since the diaper days and still good friends today. Hopefully the separation of college don't change that. I could never forget the nights when it was us and the tripod, talkin bout how McDonalds stole his ideas, or having the time of our lives during movie night.

Mickey Callis; the hero. Only a man that I have known for a very short time but time well worth it. Now as he goes away to basic training in less than a week I can only wish for more time for him to be around but we all know that wishing gets you nowhere as I know is truthful here. Just an all around great guy who I'm gonna miss for the time he is gone, especially while he can't talk to anyone. A man making a sacrifice by joining the army, a hero in the making.

John Gray; the animal eater. Maybe the best dancing that I've ever seen on a white guy in my life. The life of the party, maybe the funniest man alive too. First time I met him had a "J" shaved in his chest, wow. Qualifies for class clown but doesn't take away from the person that he is. Just one of those people that I own plenty of good times too, especially when I needed them the most.

As I sit out here and watch the wind blow through the flowers in my back yard I think about my future. The flowers have bloomed just as my life soon will. I'm about to go away to school, I'm about to do something with my life.

The life I have lived, as hard as it may have been, after I look at what it has come to at this point, I realize that it has been a damn good life. Through ups and downs I cant think of anything that is a legitimate complaint at this point. I somewhat want to have a girl in my life to share my current happiness with, because I'd really like some affection in my life but it's okay.

I think that right now is the best I have felt in a long time. I'm not broke, my friends are all here, i have a new car that I love, I don't have any problems that I can think of like drama or anything, life is just pretty good right now. Never perfect, but damn good. I just graduated with an honors diploma that I wasn't sure I was gonna get and I got a scholarship worth 104k, damn right I feel like I'm the man.

I feel like I'm a prime example of someone who has made it. I'm not done yet but I'm not turning back. I'll be the first Richey to go to college. If I can do it, I'm sure as hell not the only one.

Life will always be imperfect, remember that. But it's possible to have that perfect imperfection. In my mind I am living my life to the best of my abilities and it is the perfect state of mind for this life. If things continue to get better, maybe one day I'll be writing "This Perfect Life" but that day hasn't come yet.

Something in life will always be amiss and you gotta learn to accept that now so it doesn't keep your from being as happy as you can be. You can probably pick out plenty of things now that you would like to have different but honestly that doesn't matter if your happy. I'll think about this blog tomorrow and even if I feel like I did a good job, I'll notice something I left out, that's the way it is.

Just live your life as perfectly imperfect as you can, life is way too short to try to reach perfection. You'll die trying to get there. So if your happy, just hit the cruise control, there is no point in accelerating to the end of the road, it may be a dead end. Don't rush into the end of a good time, there is always days we wished last forever, but one life is much longer than one day.

A good life, will last a lifetime...

-->Alex Richey<--

(perfected)

The Greatness of Self

So I had a couple inspirations for today's lesson... This is about being great in your own way.

So I've been listening to a lot of Big Sean lately and he has a song on the mixtape UKNOWBIGSEAN titled "Say You Will" which is basically about getting his record deal, and getting his music out there. He doesn't want to be another rapper left on the shelf who was told by their label that they would make him big. In the song there is a line where he says "I don't mean to sound selfish, but I'm not an artist that's selfless..." This stuck out to me because this is some real shit. Music is this man's career and when almost nobody knows about him, it doesn't seem like his career is the best it can be.

We all want a promotion, a raise. We all start at the bottom of the totem pole and try to work our way up. It's ambition, it's natural. It's the invisible hand theory that everyone working together to be the best that they can be, will in turn improve everyone else. So why would we settle? Why be selfless?

Another inspiration for today's lesson is that ironically, when i walked into church today they were talkin' about stuff just like this. Maybe it was like somekind of sign, I then felt the need to talk about it.

Let's face some facts, most people in this world are selfish and ambitious, but there's nothing wrong with that. Think of all the great things we have in this world, your car, your t.v., the computer that you are reading this on at this very moment.. All created for pure ambition. Sure, the people resonsible for making them are doing us all great favors, but who benefits the most? They do! How many people drive that type of car, watch that type of t.v. or use that same computer? Thousands? Millions? And how many millions of dollars do you think they have because of that? This is the invisible hand theory, the company that created your most prized possessions benefitted just as much or more than you did on your purchase, or your parent's purchase of that product. Of course, you are happy and so are they, pushing each to do more.

Here's the relation to greatness. Think about your favorite athlete or necessarily the best.. Lets take LeBron James for example. Most of us think of him as the best basketball player in the world right now, some even consider him to be the best ever. Why do you think he's like that? Why do you think that when LBJ walks into a room, he is the man? Amition. Ambition is not necessarily just selfishness but it is very close. LeBron is the best because he wanted to be the best, and he had a little help in the gene pool of course. He could still be 6' 9" and sittin' at a desk, but he decided years ago that he wanted to be like Mike, maybe better. Here in a few years it won't be like Mike anymore, it will be "I wanna be like LeBron." Me calling him selfish and ambitious doesn't necessarily have to do with what he does on the court, the man has like 20 triple doubles (can i have one?!?!) but the reason he is "King James" is because he made the choice to persue that.

And Michael Jordan was the same way. Been retired nearly 10 years and he is still collecting greenbacks. As great as LeBron and Kobe are they shouldn't have to be compared to him. People are as great as they can be. Comparisons to the latter should all be set aside because who are we to judge the best someone can be? When someone is performing to their greatest ability then they are doing great at it, regardless it is the very best or not. But still, they are most likely doing it for themselves. Sometimes you hear about people putting their lives on the line, but it's very rare.

Sometimes this "living small" acquires great recognition. When you step down and help someone else rise up to be the best they can, sometimes credit is given where it is due, but that should not be the intention for the one receiving. Most cases of greatness that we see are cases of pure ambition or selfishness. Not necessarily saying it's a bad thing, just saying it's the way it is. It would be nice to see an anomaly every once in a while though.

Do you recall who is considered to be the greatest human being to ever live? The one man that people in this world strive to be like more than anyone else? The one person that can NEVER be duplicated, not even close? Still guessing???????? Does Jesus Christ ring a bell? Now don't go thinkin' "this guy done went all religious on us..." because that's not the case, I'm just stating a fact. This blog has nothing to do with my relgious views. I'm just saying.... There was never such a perfect person, and never will be. One man who lived without sin, we all sin everyday. Once again, there is nothing wrong with that! I'm just sayin'... This is reason for the LeBron/Kobe/Mike comparison... To each his own, because there is no real duplication, regardless as to how close one may come. But do we know why Jesus is considered to be the most perfect person ever? Do you realize that everything done was out of pure selflessness? Do you ever read the bible or listen to a lecture at church where it was talking about Jesus ever being selfish or ambitious? (Don't worry, I can received emails at anytime of the day)...

I'm not trying to make saints out of regular men and women, not trying to tell anyone to try to be like Jesus, just showing proof that it is possible to be great by being selfless.

There is nothing wrong with some selfishness, I will be the first to tell anyone that you have to love YOURSELF before you love another and have to make yourself happy before you do that for another.

We are not perfect, we are only human beings. Each and everyone of us selfish and selfless in our own way, but each and everyone of us capable of being great in our own way...

Shoutout to Mickey Callis because I'm pretty sure that regardless of whatever award is in store for you that army=selfless. 10 days left my dude, make them count. I'm definitely gonna miss you and my biggest regret of my senior year is not getting to know you sooner.

We each have one life to live, one life to do something great with it. LIFE IS SHORT. Don't miss out on your opportunity to be great in whatever way you may be doing it because regardless of being selfish or selfless, your not the only one affected.

-->Alex Richey<--

(Soon to be perfected)

Singing With Passion

Alright so it's late, I should probably go to sleep because I graduate in about 13 hours and I know I just wrote one like two days ago but I could not resist.

I just got home about an hour ago from the kenny chesney concert and from Ihop. Long ass day but pretty much awesome. But here I go rambling, to the point.

So there was several performers at the concert, the main focus being kenny chesney who had a kick ass performance. As good as it was, it was not the one that i thought was the best though. I'd never really been much of a fan of sugarland, the music isn't bad but I'm usually into that fun country and most of her music was always too serious. I realized how serious today. I'd never seen something done with so much passion as when she sang the song "stay". It was just amazing.

The girl sang her heart out, looked almost like she was close to crying, it gave me goosebumps. I just feel like that one song, maybe just the chorus to it made my day better on some real shit, just incredible. I just wonder how much better the world would be if everyone did things with as much passion and love as she put into this song. It makes me want to put passion and love into everything i do.

Kenny Chesney did a hell of a job too. He didn't have a song that stood out to me on a passionate level like she did but he did have a kick ass performance. I was really impressed when he continued his performance even through the rain, i dont think lil' wayne would do something like that. It just shows that he cares about what he is doing and wants to do the best job possible.

i feel like success changes people sometimes, I know it does. Not every performance was great tonight but some were and you can tell that the money did change these people. They are still doing it because they love it, not because it pays the bills as well. I dusted off Kanye's "graduation" this weekend. Not because I'm graduating today even though it may have helped but because it is such an amazingly passionate album. Everytime I play it, it just makes everything better and i feel like I need to be happy with all this uncertainty ahead of me.

You cant really see this in acting, the passion. Sometimes i guess so, but these people get paid to be fake so its just not the same. Music and writing is where the real passion is at. Sometimes sports as well but you can just see where some athletes get lazy because they get paid to play and get paid a shitton. I will admit though, some are deserving of it.

But here I am again just rambling about my opinions on who is passionate and who is not...

The lesson I have taken from tonight and hope to pass on to other people is that in everything you do, do it with passion. You may just rub off on another and they may just be somewhat more passionate in everything you do. Regardless if you are the best or most popular at what your are doing, you will be noticed for putting your heart into it. As unnoticed as you may feel, you are gonna have an impact on someone. Passion, like many other adverbs is contagious. If you put passion in to whatever you do, you have done your best, you can not be disappointed in yourself because your best is not as good as someone else's. You are not at fault for being the lesser, they are at fault for being the better. Someone is always better at something. That's the way it is and will always be and there is nothing wrong with that. Don't overlook that your better, can also make someone else better as well.

just remember: "your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your character, and your character defines who you are.."

think with passion, and become a passionate person

I hope this puts the passion into everything that ya'll do.

-->Alex Richey<--

(soon to be perfected)

Epilogue of High School

So it's a little after midnight, I still consider it thursday but technically it's friday. Here in just about seven hours or so I'll be waking up to walk into Clarksville High School for my very last day in there as a student, considering the next time I will be in there I will be graduating.

Yesterday(wednesday) I took my very last high school final exam ever and today(thursday), I sat in a high school classroom for the last time in my life as a student. It's funny how things are now that I look at them in a past perspective. Even though I had planned on writing this blog for a few days now the feeling of the reality of all this happening had not really hit me until about two hours ago.

I really didn't know what was going through my mind but it just seemed to be an undeniable nervousness. I know exactly what to expect of what I'm about to go through this weekend but earlier tonight I spent about 30 minutes feeling scared. However, in my mind I was not, just my body was reacting in that way. I couldn't stop shaking, I don't know why. It was an involuntary action, like a shiver but I wasn't cold, no goosebumps. Maybe it was bringing all that stuff home from school today, the locker that had been mine for the entirety of my senior year, now empty with only the words "Alex Jordan Richey Class of 2009" written in it. So unreal...

I've stopped the nervous shakings but I still feel the urge of convulsions... some what like a cold chill but not so much. I'll be fine in the morning, it's just weird to think about it; "It's all over". When it comes tournament time in sports you hear things like "time to leave it all on the field/court" well now it's time to leave it all in the school. Everything we have done up to this point is no longer relevant up until the point we graduate. It's time to grow up and no longer worry about the drama we went through, the sports we played, the trouble we got in, the grades we made.. Unless of course these are things that you HAVE to take with you, like perhaps your playin a college sport or your still with your high school sweetheart. Goodluck with that one coming out of my school though.

I've been doing a lot of thinking (uh oh), about how I'm going to take this, how others will do the same, what to write in this blog and what to call it. Also, a way to relate this situation that we are going through to something simple and easy to explain. This took a lot of thinking but I'm good at that so I'm pretty satisfied with what I came up with.

High school is not a chapter of your life, don't make the mistake of thinking so. How many good books are actually just good books? Umm zero except for a very select few, they are all good series. Think about Harry Potter, the Series of Unfortunate Events, the Ender's Game books, all great series' and I'm sure there is more I'm leaving out. Here's how I'm relating it to life... High school is a book in the series of life, not a chapter in the book of it. Life is way too long of a story for high school to be a chapter, or even four chapters, it's a story in itself. This is why I named this "epilogue". An epilogue is a concluding part added to a literary work, usually a novel(dictionary.com). High school is about over, we will soon be closing the book so and these are the final pages of it.

For me it's been a pretty good book. Full of ups and downs just as anyones' would be but what's not to expect? At the end of the day, the protagonist comes out on top, just as I am about to do. Tomorrow I'll be recieving a scholarship that is worth about an estimated $26,000 a year for four years. Hell yes I mean that. That's just one, I'm getting more money as well. Also, I found out wednesday that I'll be recieving an academic honors diploma which I wasn't completely confident that I would do but I did it.

Anyone writing a review on it I'm sure would be satisfied with what they read and would have plenty to write about in the review. I'm not feeling an autobiography of high school though so that probably won't happen lol...

It's just crazy to think about how I look back and I remember the last day of highschool my freshman year pretty well. I don't remember my finals or really the order of my classes but I could tell you exactly what I wore, I could tell you exactly what I did after school. Me and Mike hung out about an hour afterwards waiting on a ride because it was about 94 degrees outside and we wasn't down to walk to his crib. We hung out it the cafeteria on the steps for a while and hung out in Ms. Badger's room who I didn't even personally know at the time but has come to be one of the most influencial people I have ever met. Man, I really miss those days, miss being best friends with mike but still today despite all the time we don't spend together, when we talk we still act like brothers. Today on my last day of school me and him skipped third period together and went and sat on the steps of the cafeteria, just like we did our freshman year on the last day and just talked and reminisced about it all... We were both kind of just caught off gaurd at how fast it has all came and went...

Congradulations Class of 2009, all of us.

I just have one question,

How good was your book?

-->Alex Richey<--