Rushing Things

A recap of this past Thursday morning...

So... I don't have class until 1:15 on Thursdays and even though I would love to sleep in and get plenty of rest, I opt to wake up at 9:30 so I can get a good start, get lunch, and study for the exam I'm going to have in that class that day. So 9:30 rolls around and I hit the snooze button, why not? I'm in no rush, clearly. Well the second alarm rolls around and all of a sudden it's 1:40... How does that happen? It doesn't snooze for 10 minutes, but an hour and 10 minutes. Now I jump out of bed, highly pissed. Cussing and going off about how stupid this thing is for doing that, while throwing my clothes on and running out the door. On the way across the street I pass one of the guys and complained about my misfortune and he told me good luck, I guess since I was half an hour late for my exam.. I knew I was screwed. Until I had almost made it an entire block and I pull out my cell phone to come to the realization that it is 9:44 am. I turn around and my buddy sees that I notice the time and we both can't help but laugh. I get back to my room to look at my clock and I was right to freak out, it really did jump four hours. I don't know why, maybe it's some sick joke that the clock does. It sure worked.

The panic and rush I was in was not a pleasant position. I hated that moment and it took a good while to collect myself. But I realize, it's like that for many people, just about everyone. We're always rushing to some place or rushing to get something done and it's always our own fault that were in that position. I realized at the moment I was running to class that it was my own fault that I hit the snooze, it's my own fault every time that I wait until the day before to finish a paper and stay up way too late finishing it. And I know I'm not the only one.

You gotta think, it's just part of life, being rushed. But how many of us purposely do that? Wait until the last minute to write a paper, or leave home to give us just enough time to get to work, or class or wherever we shouldn't be late for. Are we just being lazy or can we not imagine life without being rushed?

Why is everyone always in a rush? Why is everyone always speeding to where they are driving except old people? You don't have to be anywhere when your retired, must be nice. Why is everyone always too busy to do a favor because that small gift of time would mess up what they are doing and all of a sudden they're in even more of a rush?

Why do we rush through life? We make it to where we can't even enjoy it. This crazy busy of a semester with non-stop rushing has made me realize that. I remember move in day to the "T" and it was like two and a half months ago, I wonder where time between now and then went. But then again, I remember almost all of it because it all feels like just yesterday. Yeah, it's nice to be able to recall everything, but it would be much better to actually be able to enjoy most of it. The late night talks with my brothers and all the times of the chanting loud enough for the whole campus to hear it. And of course the times when I get to get my ass kicked in 2k by the dude that's pretty much the reason I even go to this school.

All I'm saying is that we're going to continue to rush through life until it's over before we know it because we never took the time to actually enjoy it. I'm trying to slow down, get things right the first time so I can enjoy some free time afterwards, and just enjoy the aspects of life a little bit more.

I'm starting to learn more and more everyday that life is too good to just rush through, and that I'm at the beginning of the best years of my life right now and I can't afford to mess them up. This is where responsibility really starts.

So go head, live life to the fullest...

-->Alex Richey<--

Getting Unsettled Again

So I know I've been in need of one for a very long time now, well that time is here. College has really got to me, its been crazy and that's kept me from writing and I hate it. When it comes to finding some free time and you can actual relax, or write if your like me, good luck and finding it if you don't wanna be up into the wee hours of the night. I can't lie, I'm having the time of my life and I'm sure it's only going to get better but it takes a lot out of me, not the fun but the school.

I can honestly say I've never really had to try in school, well those days are gone now and never to return I'm sure. Mentally it's a killer. I have spent many of days suffering from mental exhaustion. Staying up until two, three in the morning some nights is just not what I was hoping for, thank God I have the student center to work in which also makes me realize that I'm not the only one.

I have definitely learned a lot here though. And no, it's not to don't pass out with your shoes on.. I've gained much more than scholarly knowledge being here but I have received that too. Life lessons have come along with that as well. I would never have expected so much to happen in only my first month of school but it has, it's just insane.

I've had another example that your friends are definitely more important than females, and I have gotten a real example of brotherhood, a brotherhood that I cannot wait to be a part of. I've definitely learned that high school does not prepare you for college, and Clarksville high School doesn't at all... I know I'm being changed by college, it's bound to happen but it's for the better I can already tell. I was told repeatedly that I would fail here, that I wasn't ready. That is motivation enough, and he was right, I wasn't ready but I'm adjusting and I'm not failing either. It's going to take some work to be where I want to but I have full confidence that I'll be better off with time. I've learned that I can stay true to my faith, despite the fact that many thought college would turn me out. Ask anyone and they'll tell you, I've probably spoken to them about God and what God has done for me.

I think that's helping me to deal with the difficulties here. I have God in my life, just knowing that simple fact makes things better for me. I had a moment where me and this guy who is an alumni in the fraternity that I'm joining got in my face and called me things like stupid and ignorant for being a Christian. The night before when I met him, before he knew my beliefs we were really cool but he judged me on what I believe. I would never force my beliefs on someone, I accept everyone for who they are and if they don't like the same things I do, so be it. Just respect what I believe. I don't think I had ever been so mad in my life, but with some wise words from some wiser people than I, I was fine.

That was definitely a situation I didn't expect to deal with but I'm well over it now. The thing was that I thought he was real cool until that went down. It's things like that that are making me stronger. I lost that argument I admit. I mean, I wasn't trying to convince the guy that what I believed was better than Atheism, I was just trying to get him to respect me but it didn't work. He did whatever he could to put me down. It got to me but it didn't affect my faith. Only made me stronger.

I've had two instances where I have slept in the room with someone that wasn't my roommate. On both instances I behaved. I was proud of myself I guess because I'm sure that a few months ago I may have acted differently. But also I haven't been into treating women like nothing. A relationship right now is probably far from what I need but I'd much rather do that than just get around. That's not the person I'm going to be.

When it comes to back home, yeah I miss it. I miss my boys, I miss my family. I REALLY miss my dog, she can't communicate with me, that's sad. It made me really appreciate home when I went there last weekend and everyone was really happy to see me, I didn't really expect that much. Honestly I feel like the thing I want here that I have back home is my church. I feel lost without Northside here, it sucks. It's not making me act out in ways I wouldn't if I was going to church but I just want the words of wisdom. I'm still reading my Purpose Driven Life, but only for a few more days. After that I'm going to start on the Bible. I hear that's a good one...

Honestly, I'm loving it. This may be the best time of my life already and I know it's only getting better. I can't wait for this evening, it's passover. No, not the Jewish holiday, the day I pledge to my fraternity and become a part of this brotherhood I'm so excited for. It's probably the same reason I woke up so early. That's why this is titled "Getting Unsettled Again" because I'll probably moving out of my dorm tomorrow, but really I'm feeling right at home here. I was having trouble write, hopefully those days are behind me and can get back to putting them out a lot. I feel it's necessary to share what I learn with the world.

I'm starting to learn how I have to do things, school-wise and that's going to set me up for the rest of college and I'll be absolutely fine. I'll have brothers to get my back if I start to fall. The best days of before are not going to compare to the future, and I can't wait. I'm not going to rush though, I'm going to enjoy every moment of it.

"May the best of your todays be the worst of your tomorrows, but we ain't even thinkin' that far yet..." - Jay-Z: Forever Young

-->Alex Richey<--

Yeah, I'm back... Be ready.

New Life

So today, Sunday the 16th (even though it's technically Monday) I was baptized. I'm 18 years old, older than most people that are typically being baptized but I wouldn't want it any other way. The choice was mine.

A year ago, you would've been crazy to think you'd see me in chuch and even a month ago, getting baptized was not something I had even considered. Now it's all different, this is the path for me, this is the person that I want to be and I could not have made a better choice.

When I was young (like child status) I had occasionally been drug into church. It's not like I didn't necessarily want to go, I just didn't understand, wasn't made to understand so I didn't care much, just went and behaved.

As I got older, more into the middle school ages I went a little more often. I would go to the FCA meetings after school and sometimes to the youth groups on Wednesdays. As I look back onto it I see that I really was only there because I had friends there. Sure I sang along with the songs and stuff but I never got the message. I would sit and listen, but I never really heard what was being said, it just wasnt on my wavelength. So I stopped going for a while.

In high school I would go to church occasionally with my grandma, or with my dad and step mom. I could just never get into it and the catholic church was just really not for me. No disrespect to those who are catholic, it's just not my thing. I really tried hard to get into it, go some sundays, go like every wednesday but it never did anything for me.

I never grew up with the most satifying life. For a while things went well but when they started getting at home around the time I was getting into middle school, they never got better. It was like things would appear to be improving and just never did. Like every little promise was being broken. This was kind of motivation for me to get into it but it never worked. My grandma did it, my granny was in church, and my mom was going with my grandma and taking my brothers as well, and my little sisters are going to a catholic school. It was as if I was the only one not getting in touch.

My grandma would ask me to go to church occasionally and I would just to make her happy, she would ask me if I'd like to attend some camps and I would in the best way I could find a reason not to go. I wasn't much for having the stuff shoved down my throat when it wasn't something I was into. My mom would ask me why I never went anymore. My honest excuse was the one I gave her, "it doesn't do anything for me." That was the truth. I had spent time praying, going to church, and paying dues, hoping for things to be looking up, hoping for my miracle that never happened. She accepted it, for she knew how I felt and wouldn't try to force me into although she would have rather me been there.

I had become anti-church. It wasn't that I was atheist because I did believe there was a God, it's just that I didn't believe in that God, didn't believe that it was my God. I was respectful to all those who chose that life style, it was just not my life style. I had tried and tried and it had just never had the effect I had wanted it to so I just shut it out.

I had got to the point where I wasn't gonna look to God for answers, only myself with no consideration for any other way. I had become ambitious, living only for me. I felt as if I was the only person who could make my life better. I didn't like to ever discuss religion with people, especially my family. People want to see someone who loves God, maybe they are envious and impressed sometimes, and I did not want to let anyone down but at the same time I would not avoid being honest so I would therefore feel like an ass for not being what they may want.

I'm not sure when it was that I started hanging out with Michael, sometime when there was still snow on the ground, and I'm not sure when the first time he invited me to church was, I think it was sometime after the snow melted. But I do remember feeling like an ass for being honest with him about my opinion on it. Here is my pretty good friend at the time, not as close as we are now but still someone I hang with a lot, he ask me to go to church with him one day and the only response I have for him is "Church is a hustle to me." and that was my honest opinion. I had gotten out of it so much that I was against it. I had only though of church as something that was designed to get your money. So he left it alone for a while and after inviting me a couple more times I abided and decided to try it out....

I don't remember my first time going to Northside, I was still in my idea of it not being for me, but after going a couple times and attending the Rising occasionally I started to pay attention. I had still never considered my baptism but I was starting to enjoy church somewhat, started to remember what was being talked about, started relating it to my life. Started to actually hear the message.

I remember Easter, my family was mad at me for not going with them but going to Northside for church was what I wanted to do and like I had said, the Catholic church is just not for me. Sure I did feel kind of bad for it but I had to do what is right for me and of course I did not want to turn down brunch with my best friend's family afterwards, the friend that had got me going to church in the first place. I was getting close to graduating, I'm less that a week from moving away now so I started to feel as if I needed to make some decisions on my own.

It started to seem as if faith had a bigger and bigger part in my life as time went on, even though that was not necessarily a big part since I had started from pretty much zero. I remember the long talks with Wendy my manager when I would get off work, this very religious woman, and seeing what she had been through, I listened and I listened very attentively. That helped my growth along with this message I had heard at church in the early part of June about living small, living like Jesus. Matt Allman gave that message and it had hit me harder than any other I had ever heard to that point. I even someone based an older blog on it (post #19) "The Greatness Of Self." After that I had definitely wanted to go to church.

From the later part of June until early/mid part of July I was very busy. Two weeks in Evansville for school, a week home, then a week on vacation. I missed a lot of church in those weeks, and strangely enough, I was not happy about it, I wanted to get back into the church and it was one of the reasons that I wanted to be home.

Shortly after I got home Michael had to go on his church retreat which I had originally wanted to go but could not afford too and was much too tired of being gone. When he came home Steven and I went to the Rising with him that next Sunday to hear about the retreat. These people had all these great stories about how much they had learned while they were there and how much closer they had grown to God. I was greatly envious and I had seen seven people get baptised that evening. That may have been the most amazing thing I had ever seen in my life just to see God have this kind of effect on these people, they were all just so happy... Like they had all just been given new life. It was incredible, it was from that moment that I knew I wanted that in my life. That was two weeks ago.

I had let the days go by just considering it, making a little mention of me wanting to get baptized to a few people, none to my family. I had just felt if I was to tell them before and then not go through with it that I would let them down, and there was still that uncertianty to it.

All that uncertianty had gone this past Friday at the Block when I had spoke to Matt about it. I told him and he thought it was great and he sat me down to have a talk about it. I told him my story in where I had stood my whole life with faith, basically all this typed here and he told me that I was getting baptized Sunday. Strangely it was one of the best things anyone had ever told me. I don't know how or why I got to feeling the way I do but I'm glad I do, I wouldn't have it anyother way. Then he prayed for me, prayed for the decision I had made, prayed for my future life, my new life with Christ. I had never had anyone ever pray for me until then.

He prayed like he was sitting across from God instead of me, prayed like he was talking to one of his buddies. That was something I had never had when I was younger and couldn't get into it. I would pray and instead of talking to God it was more like I was just thinking about what I wanted to pray about to myself. It was one of those things that just made me want to give up. Now I know how to talk to God though and all the doubt is gone.

I was tired of living for only me, I wanted more purpose in my life and I found that purpose with the help of the church, and more importantly and more importantly my friends. Now I have God as that higher purpose and I know I am not doing it alone.

I knew going in there that I wanted Michael to baptize me, or atleast help Matt do it. If not for Michael taking me, I'd never had been in there and if not for the things I had heard Matt say during the Rising and during Sunday mornings I would not have been in that water. All it took was a couple of questions, a couple of confessions. They weren't hard to answer, it was a simple yes or no but it was evidence of how much my life had been changed in such a short time because a few months ago the answers would have been all no.

A part of me feels kind of bad for not telling my family before, but it was the choice I had thought to be the right one. I wanted this for me, not anyone else. I didn't know if it would be the right thng for them to be there because they weren't part of my transition. It also makes me proud that it was a decision that I had made on my own, I wouldn't have done it if I was told do and nobody had ever really suggested it. Sometimes the choices you have to make don't necessarily make everyone happy but you have to live with that because you can't make everyone happy. You gotta make you happy first because you always have to live with yourself.

I'm glad I made the choice I did, there is no empty feeling in my anymore. I hope I can be the inspiration for someone the way my best friend was to me. There can be no better feeling than having a positive impact on someone's life I'm sure. I'm just an example that this is possible, a life with God is possible, and it's the best life to live for me. This is My New Life.

"It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life... for me." -Michael Buble: Feeling Good

-->Alex Richey<--

What Summer Break?

So it's been a minute since I graced the keyboard in this manner, too long of a minute. It's disappointing I know but it was due to forces I could not control, like the weather. Well, I'm back now, back to discuss the time between now and the last post, a lot has gone on, a lot has gone wrong. Somethings in my life are good, somethings in my life, I just don't know exactly what to say about them.

I've really started to miss home. I just graduated high school this year and i should really be having a good time but this summer has been almost nothing but work work work.. On June 18th I went to UE for two weeks for my orientation and a summer class, the EDGE program. That was two weeks long, after that was over, came home for 10 days, then I went to myrtle beach. Yeah it was myrtle beach, nice place but when you have only been home just a little over a week in the past month, there is no place like home. I figured out the other day that I have been away from home this summer about the same amount of time that I have been at home. I haven't started my semester yet, I don't need to get used to it yet, that's just how I feel.

Wednesday marks the start of my final month here at home. I really don't know what to say about that one, I feel like life as I know it is just being yanked out from under my feet, like I'm the dinette set on top of a table clothe and someone is gettin' ready to pull. I'm not gonna land on the table though, I'm gonna fall.

I've been graduated for well over a month now, I have hung out with one person I graduated with, one time. That's all. It's kinda pathetic I know, and it's not necessarily something I like, it's just the way it is. I can honestly say that I have tried to, it just doesn't always work out, I mean something is always wrong somewhere with something. Remember this imperfect life? Nothing is ever perfect, you just have to live it to the best of your abilities.

This past month has just been killer, like major.... Three weeks I have spent away from home, that's three weeks of losing money because if your not making money, then your losing it. Even if your not spending it, your missing an opportunity to make it, a missed opportunity is a loss. This is the worst possible time for it as well, it seems as if everything that cost money is hittin' me right now, I'm glad I paid some bills in advance because I don't know how'd I'd manage paying them along with everything else. I like how the day before I leave for vacation, I blow a tire, and the day I get my tire replaced my antennae falls off... What the hell is up with that?

One thing that is really wrong with this Summer so far is that it has me feeling as if I have already moved away. I was supposed to use it to spend time with my family and the friends that I have right now before I move away and things become different. Things are gonna be different, they already are in a lot of ways and I'm yet to really begin. The summer program doesn't really count, yeah it's a class but I'm home now. I haven't had the opportunity to spend this summer with many of my friends at all, I haven't even really had the opportunity to try. I've talked to some people but it's just not the same... I haven't seen like anybody from clarksville at all this summer, haven't seen Mckenna since the day before she went on vacation, that's over a month and she's been home. I haven't seen Secoy since the day before Mickey left. Man how I miss my boy Mickey Callis. I need to write that dude and I've been slackin, I'm gonna get on that soon though. The last time I saw my cousin was a pretty tragic day, I'd much rather it be a good time.

I'd much rather leave here on a good note in general. Everybody probably has a negative feeling towards me now though because I haven't talked to many of them in a good while. They may get the idea that I consider myself better than them since I'm going away to this private college while the majority of them are staying home. It's not like that at all, I can't help if people don't fit into my life right now, if they really think that I've become some ass hole then they can kiss my ass hole. I don't really care... I'm not legit because I'm going away on a scholarship? I feel like I'm as real as it gets and I'm doing what I can to improve me because that's all it comes down to is looking out for number one.

Life's not easy right now, I feel like I'm getting beat in the head with a blunt object. No, I don't have a headache all the time but it's like I can never find balance, like something is always hitting me, knocking me out of the loop. It's not that I'm scared of the change, I'm just not used to it. Things were the same for a long time and now it's all changing so fast, my body and my mind are struggling to keep up, but they'll catch up eventually. The other day somebody told me that God was testing me. A couple months ago I would've laughed at them... "What God?" I'd probably say... I was starting to feel like religion was just a comfort zone for people who needed to feel like everything actually did happen for a reason. Well now I actually do follow the gospel, sometimes study it. I know I can pass the test, this one I may actually have to study for, that's not something I actually do. Probably the reason I didn't get a higher ranking, maybe I should start to try, start to care.

This whole going out on a good note thing has been a struggle so far. I made somebody really sad recently, hurt her feelings. Really didn't want to do that, ultimately it was my fault, I will take the blame for that. I feel like the actions of her and maybe some other people around could have led to that not happening but those actions never happened. I felt like shit, a complete ass. The one thing I do agree with that people say about me, a nice guy. I'd like to keep that title, but I feel like I do things to mess it up. I'm glad all that is okay now, but it did some damage to me. I just can't stand to be the one to make somebody sad, I'm usually the one trying to be the shoulder to cry on.

I've been trying to spend some more time at my mom's house recently. I lived with her for the first 16 years of my life and now I'm bout to move away. She's one of those types with the letting go problem. I hated being gone three weeks out of the past month, I can't really even imagine what that did to her, I'm her first child, she has to hate it I know. It doesn't help that all this time she gets to see me is limited. It also makes me feel kinda bad that I want to go hang out with my friends more that my family recently. The family love is unconditional, which is not the same for the friends, these are people you can live without and usually end up getting weeded out. I don't necessarily want that to happen yet so I'm trying to make the best of the time I have.

We can call that my certain situation right now, just trying to make the best of the time I have. I'd say I'm doing a little bit better than others who are just letting it slip away, like I bout did. This past year has been a roller coaster thats for sure. Wanting just move on and wanting to hold on. Right now I'm wanting to hold on just because I realize how close I am from having no choice but to move on. I'm okay with that, that's the way it is. I got great people around me right now, can't complain a bit, I really care about these people but there is about to be a time where these relationships are going to be tested. I know of a few that will continue to matter, I'm still trying to decide on some others.

I got about a month to go, and I got a lot to do between now and then. Okay God, bring on the exam, I'm as ready as I'll ever be, probably can't find another as ready as me...

I'm just one man, waiting on my world to change. Until then, I'm just trying to make the best of the time I have left, God knows I don't have much...

-->Alex Richey<--

Time Is Against Us (Ode To Mickey Callis)

**This one goes out to my dear friend Mickey Callis and everyone affected by him leaving. Summer 2009 will not be the same without Mickey but we're gonna live it up the best we can on his behalf. He wouldn't want it any other way.**

We all have those memories that we can remember just as they were yesterday, regardless how long ago they actually happened. Soak up those memories for everything they are worth. These memories stay with us as long as we would want them too. When they say "Things forgotten are sure to repeat" they are not entirely right, so hold onto those memories as long as you can, forever if you can.

Today was a hard day for me and a few of my friends, we had to say bye to Mickey. Here in just a few hours he will be on a plane to basic training in South Carolina. Today was the last time I will see Mickey until atleast November, the last time I will have an actual conversation with Mickey for atleast nine weeks. It's a very, very harsh reality for me and the ones there with me today. I'm not one to cry, I am one to be sad, and I am one to be the shoulder for those who can't help but let out their emotions. It did not help my mood to see Secoy, Kasey, and Britt not take it so well, but I can't blame them.

It's gonna be a real shitty time without him. Mickey is a great guy, just as big, maybe a bigger inspiration to me than he claims to me to be to him. I never would have thought that going to hang out at my cousin's after prom party would lead to me making so many new friends, especially a friend like him. I've only know Mickey for about two months but it seems like we've been boys for years.

I refuse to say goodbye, that's just not the way it is. You don't say goodbye to someone you plan to see again, I had to correct him on his last blog that had "goodbye" in the title because everyone he tagged in it is gonna see him again, atleast I'll be sure I will. When's the last time you actually said "goodbye" to someone? It only seems appropriate to me to say to someone who is about to die, but at the same time you don't want to say it because you don't want it to happen, so it is usually never said. I'm not gonna say goodbye to Mickey because I know I'll be seeing him as soon as possible. He's going to basic training, not war. He will be back.

That doesn't change the fact that he is leaving for a long ass time...

There is just never enough time... We all do what we can, but no matter how much we do, we always feel as if we didn't do enough, didn't do as much as we wanted to. It didn't take long at all for us to develop the good friendship that we have, but as we are becoming the good friends that we are, it is time for him to go. It's shitty, but that's the way that it is. It's unfair, as life is. It's as if we did something, in becoming the friends that we are but never got the chance to live it out to the fullest, never got enough time to kick enough times, never got enough time to really enjoy it.

I've made so many new friends through this group lately. Of course I'm closest to Secoy that I am to the rest of them, that's fam, then it would be Kasey since I've gotten to know her for a few years now but it didn't take me long to develope this friendship with Mickey, as if we clicked the first time we kicked it. He's a goofy ass dude, but so much deeper and intelligent than meets the eye. I could always count on his input on my blogs, very shortly after they are posted. Loved how Mickey is the reader that he is. The biggest impact on my life has been the impact that I have had on others. I'm just glad that I have made an impact and he let's me know it. That is huge inspiration.

The clock never stops ticking... And it always moves at one speed, fast. If your not careful time will blow right past you. There's no such thing as a "New York Minute" obviously, time flies by for all of us, we need to enjoy every minute of it to the best of our abilities, don't miss out on anything. I feel as if I did. Since I realize the friendships that I have with these people now, I wish(yeah i said wish) that I would have started to hang out with them sooner. Opportunity is taken or it is missed, that was a missed opportunity but not missed entirely. Like I said in an earlier post "wishing is wanting something that you most likely will not have" and I can't change the past so I didn't get what I wished for.

As you reach the end of one of your books in your series of life (post #17) it would be wise to carry a camera. It is great to replay memories in your mind but it is better to actually see them, to better keep them alive. Don't waste an opportunity to make the most out of your life, don't waste the opportunity to create a memory. Time is against everyone, it is our mortal enemy. Unless your on the winning end of a game, time ticking means opportunity lost if your not taking full advantage of the moment.

I'm gonna miss Mickey big time while he's gone, but he is not the only one. There is a similar feeling towards some of my other friends who I will not likely be seeing or talking too for a long time. It's just different becuase Mick is one of my good friends, someone I make an effort to hang out with and he's being forced into this position, it just makes it all the worse. But we're gonna make it through no problem, anything for Mickey.

Dear Mickey,

Thanks for being the guy that you are. I haven't had many friends as good as you and have had many less inspirations like the one that you are. I'm gonna miss you while your gone big time, but I'm gonna live it up for you for sure and I'm gonna make sure all of our friends are doing the same thing. I know you wouldn't want us to be sad over you not being around. I'm gonna continue to hold it down, keep blogging and definitely keep you posted through the mail because I know you'll be looking forward to it. Regardless to the short amount of time we had between now and the first time we hung out I know you see me as just as much a friend as I do you. You have no idea how much you input and words are inspiring and appreciated. I'll be writing and expecting your replies, but I understand, so will everyone else so it's okay if it takes some time my dude, nothing but love. I hope you get the opportunity to read this before they take away your life over there lol. If not, you'll get it in the mail for sure. Your last day, as sad as it may have been for all of us, only showed that we really love you for who you are bro, don't let the drill sgt. drill the "Mickey" out of "Richard Mitchell Callis". We all know damn well that's impossible anyways. Keep doin' you bro, I'm gonna keep doin me and I'll be in touch. Don't forget me, or anyone else while your out there...

Your boy,

-->Alex Richey<--

This Imperfect Life

It's a lovely summer night...

I've been waiting on this since like what? Blog 10? Lol it feels damn good outside right about now. It's maybe a little cooler than I'd prefer but still, at the moment I'm really enjoying myself and being outside on a summer night is really the only time I can enjoy myself, by myself.

I feel like as I get older that it becomes easier for me to be okay with me to be alone, not like a loner but like right now. I used to absolutely hate going and doing something with friends then coming home, drove me crazy but now I've got to the point were I'm totally ok with it.

So until yesterday for a week I was without my cellular, it wasn't hell but it definitely was not pleasant. It didn't kill me but I definitely would not want to do it again. During the time I only talked to a few people, the ones that I see or talk to on a daily. I was without text messaging so I was without talking to a large amount of people. This made graduation set in very quickly. The reason I didn't blog about graduation the day of or any day soon after is because it never really hit me, but those several days without my cellphone cut off communication to most of my friends and I was without my classmates the entire time. I then got a sample of what it is soon to be like. It didn't necessarily sadden me because it is expected but it was different. Like, I could live without these people but I wouldn't necessarily want to and it most likely would not be the same life. It's amazing how one thing as simple as a cell phone can change so much of the way your life is.

Now as I sit here and do what I usually do when I'm alone, I think about how perfect and imperfect things are. If you didn't catch that, when I'm alone I reflect on life. The gears are always turning, I'm always thinking. I've had a really tough life, I've dealt with plenty of adversity and hard times, but have managed to pull through. Now I feel like karma is in my favor and the hard life that I had growing up with things falling apart and promises being broken, now it seems like things are only going in a positive direction. Of course things can be great but never perfect... But I'm far from complaining.

I owe so much to my closest of friends, the ones I have had the past few years and some for even just a few months, the ones that have been the true friends. The ones I can relate to, the ones that can help me through the ups and downs that I have been through because they understand where I'm coming from with it. The people that didn't have to be there but were.

Brandon Frazier; always a dude that I have looked to for advice, a man who I have chosen to follow a similar path and with good reason. Someone I can look up to but also not put on a pedestal. Always more than meets the eye, one of the best friends I've ever had. I don't need an essay to show how big a part of my life this guy is.

Jeantrell Byas; the muscle, the quiet one. The one person who can understand anything and most likely relate to it all as well. The one to go to when I or any of our friends really needed to talk to someone about something. Everyones' shoulder.

Robert Myers; Biddy, a little late on responsibility lol but it's all good.. Maybe the most chill person I know but always there to lighten up a situation, always able to make a place way more fun, but surprisingly thats not all he is about. Just like the other two of the tripod that I learned to call fam he is as deep and as intelligent as they come. A little man, a huge presence.

I didn't think I'd make it through my senior year without these three but I did just fine. It was hard at first but they aren't the type of friends that would allow me to throw it all away when they know that I've put in a lot of work, that I've gone through too much to let it all be a waste. The tripod, and as trell put it, I'm the little handle on top that swindles the camera around. These three were the first to ever make me feel like I belonged somewhere.

Also I can't forget...

Kelsey Becker; practially my sister for like six years now ever since we had a personal journal in the 7th grade to write notes back and forth too. That was cute... My prom date, both times. One of the most beautiful people I have ever met and I'm sure, will ever know. It helped having her in school with me for those years, even when high school came and we never shared classes. My "American Sister" lets not go there lol...

Michael Chrisman; Crispy. Probably the first person that ever got me to try new things. Got me to like soccer and got me into church, wow. The friend I needed when all the real friends I had were away. The biggest smart ass in the world, without a doubt but you get used to it. Christian, Chrispan, Crimson, and even Cheeseman, however you get his last name messed up, that's still my dude.

Chris Smith; brother bear. He has his nickname for a reason. He's just the type of friend to come to the rescue when someone needs it. Been friends since the diaper days and still good friends today. Hopefully the separation of college don't change that. I could never forget the nights when it was us and the tripod, talkin bout how McDonalds stole his ideas, or having the time of our lives during movie night.

Mickey Callis; the hero. Only a man that I have known for a very short time but time well worth it. Now as he goes away to basic training in less than a week I can only wish for more time for him to be around but we all know that wishing gets you nowhere as I know is truthful here. Just an all around great guy who I'm gonna miss for the time he is gone, especially while he can't talk to anyone. A man making a sacrifice by joining the army, a hero in the making.

John Gray; the animal eater. Maybe the best dancing that I've ever seen on a white guy in my life. The life of the party, maybe the funniest man alive too. First time I met him had a "J" shaved in his chest, wow. Qualifies for class clown but doesn't take away from the person that he is. Just one of those people that I own plenty of good times too, especially when I needed them the most.

As I sit out here and watch the wind blow through the flowers in my back yard I think about my future. The flowers have bloomed just as my life soon will. I'm about to go away to school, I'm about to do something with my life.

The life I have lived, as hard as it may have been, after I look at what it has come to at this point, I realize that it has been a damn good life. Through ups and downs I cant think of anything that is a legitimate complaint at this point. I somewhat want to have a girl in my life to share my current happiness with, because I'd really like some affection in my life but it's okay.

I think that right now is the best I have felt in a long time. I'm not broke, my friends are all here, i have a new car that I love, I don't have any problems that I can think of like drama or anything, life is just pretty good right now. Never perfect, but damn good. I just graduated with an honors diploma that I wasn't sure I was gonna get and I got a scholarship worth 104k, damn right I feel like I'm the man.

I feel like I'm a prime example of someone who has made it. I'm not done yet but I'm not turning back. I'll be the first Richey to go to college. If I can do it, I'm sure as hell not the only one.

Life will always be imperfect, remember that. But it's possible to have that perfect imperfection. In my mind I am living my life to the best of my abilities and it is the perfect state of mind for this life. If things continue to get better, maybe one day I'll be writing "This Perfect Life" but that day hasn't come yet.

Something in life will always be amiss and you gotta learn to accept that now so it doesn't keep your from being as happy as you can be. You can probably pick out plenty of things now that you would like to have different but honestly that doesn't matter if your happy. I'll think about this blog tomorrow and even if I feel like I did a good job, I'll notice something I left out, that's the way it is.

Just live your life as perfectly imperfect as you can, life is way too short to try to reach perfection. You'll die trying to get there. So if your happy, just hit the cruise control, there is no point in accelerating to the end of the road, it may be a dead end. Don't rush into the end of a good time, there is always days we wished last forever, but one life is much longer than one day.

A good life, will last a lifetime...

-->Alex Richey<--

(perfected)

The Greatness of Self

So I had a couple inspirations for today's lesson... This is about being great in your own way.

So I've been listening to a lot of Big Sean lately and he has a song on the mixtape UKNOWBIGSEAN titled "Say You Will" which is basically about getting his record deal, and getting his music out there. He doesn't want to be another rapper left on the shelf who was told by their label that they would make him big. In the song there is a line where he says "I don't mean to sound selfish, but I'm not an artist that's selfless..." This stuck out to me because this is some real shit. Music is this man's career and when almost nobody knows about him, it doesn't seem like his career is the best it can be.

We all want a promotion, a raise. We all start at the bottom of the totem pole and try to work our way up. It's ambition, it's natural. It's the invisible hand theory that everyone working together to be the best that they can be, will in turn improve everyone else. So why would we settle? Why be selfless?

Another inspiration for today's lesson is that ironically, when i walked into church today they were talkin' about stuff just like this. Maybe it was like somekind of sign, I then felt the need to talk about it.

Let's face some facts, most people in this world are selfish and ambitious, but there's nothing wrong with that. Think of all the great things we have in this world, your car, your t.v., the computer that you are reading this on at this very moment.. All created for pure ambition. Sure, the people resonsible for making them are doing us all great favors, but who benefits the most? They do! How many people drive that type of car, watch that type of t.v. or use that same computer? Thousands? Millions? And how many millions of dollars do you think they have because of that? This is the invisible hand theory, the company that created your most prized possessions benefitted just as much or more than you did on your purchase, or your parent's purchase of that product. Of course, you are happy and so are they, pushing each to do more.

Here's the relation to greatness. Think about your favorite athlete or necessarily the best.. Lets take LeBron James for example. Most of us think of him as the best basketball player in the world right now, some even consider him to be the best ever. Why do you think he's like that? Why do you think that when LBJ walks into a room, he is the man? Amition. Ambition is not necessarily just selfishness but it is very close. LeBron is the best because he wanted to be the best, and he had a little help in the gene pool of course. He could still be 6' 9" and sittin' at a desk, but he decided years ago that he wanted to be like Mike, maybe better. Here in a few years it won't be like Mike anymore, it will be "I wanna be like LeBron." Me calling him selfish and ambitious doesn't necessarily have to do with what he does on the court, the man has like 20 triple doubles (can i have one?!?!) but the reason he is "King James" is because he made the choice to persue that.

And Michael Jordan was the same way. Been retired nearly 10 years and he is still collecting greenbacks. As great as LeBron and Kobe are they shouldn't have to be compared to him. People are as great as they can be. Comparisons to the latter should all be set aside because who are we to judge the best someone can be? When someone is performing to their greatest ability then they are doing great at it, regardless it is the very best or not. But still, they are most likely doing it for themselves. Sometimes you hear about people putting their lives on the line, but it's very rare.

Sometimes this "living small" acquires great recognition. When you step down and help someone else rise up to be the best they can, sometimes credit is given where it is due, but that should not be the intention for the one receiving. Most cases of greatness that we see are cases of pure ambition or selfishness. Not necessarily saying it's a bad thing, just saying it's the way it is. It would be nice to see an anomaly every once in a while though.

Do you recall who is considered to be the greatest human being to ever live? The one man that people in this world strive to be like more than anyone else? The one person that can NEVER be duplicated, not even close? Still guessing???????? Does Jesus Christ ring a bell? Now don't go thinkin' "this guy done went all religious on us..." because that's not the case, I'm just stating a fact. This blog has nothing to do with my relgious views. I'm just saying.... There was never such a perfect person, and never will be. One man who lived without sin, we all sin everyday. Once again, there is nothing wrong with that! I'm just sayin'... This is reason for the LeBron/Kobe/Mike comparison... To each his own, because there is no real duplication, regardless as to how close one may come. But do we know why Jesus is considered to be the most perfect person ever? Do you realize that everything done was out of pure selflessness? Do you ever read the bible or listen to a lecture at church where it was talking about Jesus ever being selfish or ambitious? (Don't worry, I can received emails at anytime of the day)...

I'm not trying to make saints out of regular men and women, not trying to tell anyone to try to be like Jesus, just showing proof that it is possible to be great by being selfless.

There is nothing wrong with some selfishness, I will be the first to tell anyone that you have to love YOURSELF before you love another and have to make yourself happy before you do that for another.

We are not perfect, we are only human beings. Each and everyone of us selfish and selfless in our own way, but each and everyone of us capable of being great in our own way...

Shoutout to Mickey Callis because I'm pretty sure that regardless of whatever award is in store for you that army=selfless. 10 days left my dude, make them count. I'm definitely gonna miss you and my biggest regret of my senior year is not getting to know you sooner.

We each have one life to live, one life to do something great with it. LIFE IS SHORT. Don't miss out on your opportunity to be great in whatever way you may be doing it because regardless of being selfish or selfless, your not the only one affected.

-->Alex Richey<--

(Soon to be perfected)