Perfect Imperfection

Number 33: This Always Happens

2011-01-03T12:06:00.002-05:00

I don't know what it is about home man... I spend all my time wanting to go back to school and it only takes one instance right at the end of my stay to make me wish I had more time here. Crazy, this break has been nothing like ones in the past. If anything, I've done much more to separate myself from here, but now I wish I had more time.

I feel like home has changed since the last time I was in town for a long period, the people particularly. Some people that I make a valiant effort to see when I'm around, I don't really care to speak to very much anymore, but that's not entirely my fault. It seems that when I talk, they don't do quite as well to talk back. Maybe they're stuck up their boyfriend/girlfriend's asses, I'm not sure. Oh well...

You'd think with some of the things that have happened since I've been back, I'd be ready to get back to school as soon as possible. Sprained my ankle (but I guess that can happen anywhere), blew a tire on the interstate.. Home's not really to blame, but it happened here. I hate that all I really do when I'm here is work, and I feel like I have nothing to show for it. The tire thing is probably to blame for that though. These things always happen...

And even though I say all I really do here is work, I can't complain about that. I thoroughly enjoy my job. It's changed a lot in the past three years since I've started, but it's always there. I've built some of the best relationships I'll ever have because of that place, crazy. Maybe I just wish I had more down time.. Breaks are for relaxing and I feel like I do much more than when I'm at school.

I really enjoyed Christmas this year though.. This time around, it seemed much more about family for me than usual. I guess with not being around much this past year and a half, I start to miss everyone.

As silly as this sounds I feel like it's time for me to find a girl. I mean, it's been forever and I feel all kinds of lonely sometime. I know that makes me sound like a bitch, but whatever.. I know that will only happen at school, I'm not willing enough to come back all the time to make a relationship work here at home. I've heard that you find the one you're looking for when you're not really looking for them... Guess I'm screwed. Then again, perhaps I've already met her, but she's not available right now for whatever reason. I think that's it... Guess I'll just wait and see.

I still want to go back of course, and I don't really want to put it off any longer. I guess I just wish I would have done more while I was here to begin with. I'm excited to see what this next semester has in store for me, but I also don't know how much I care. I guess I need a real break, fall was stressful enough for one year.

I can tell I've been taking home for granted this break. When I really indulge in this place, it make my mind work so much better and I can write more. This is the first time I've done it in so long, guess I'm kind of disappointed in myself. Guess I've been doing too much stuff that I could just be doing at school, even though I'm sure I don't do many things different besides school itself. Guess it's the mind state.

I just realize even more now that it only takes one moment for you to see how much you love something. That moment for me was last night, that something is home. This will always be home and it's really not so bad after all... I wouldn't change it for a thing.

-->Alex Richey<--

Number 32: Trust?

2010-10-03T04:53:00.002-04:00

Who? Does it exist?

I sit in a room full of people that could read this as I write it, people that could question me as I do so, but I don't care...

You put trust in the people who are the very closest to you and yet they always seem to turn their back on you. The worst part is, they don't always realize that they do it. Maybe they just don't think about it enough, or maybe they are just under the influence when they do it. They can't help it right? Bull shit. "I was drunk" is not an excuse. I've tried it before.

I know some people feel me on this.

When I say they don't realize it, I mean, maybe they don't know you as well as they pretend to. I sit here fearing the next 24 hours to go the way I hope they do but the closer it grows to it, the more I think it won't go my way and I start to think that maybe that's not the worse thing.

Maybe it's just been a me venting thing, what I told myself I wouldn't do with this blog, but I couldn't help myself with at this moment. Maybe, I shouldn't do this under the slight influence, but once again, I can't help myself. It's my way of expression, respect it and accept it.

I'm just sick of pretenders. Fake friends, shit talkers, hypocrites, pretenders.. Guess it's been a rough semester and especially a rough week in that aspect. I can't just left things like this go unsaid.

Does that make me a bad friend posting something like this?

I've always been that type to just let shit go but I feel like I'm past that now. I can't call someone my friend who makes up stuff about people that I love, can't call someone my friend who says one thing to my face and does something different behind my back. I'm tired of defending people. You say something about those who I surround myself with, it's the same as if you said it about me. You tell me something to my face and do something differently, you are a liar. Being under the influence does not make you a different person, it makes you just more of who you really are. Maybe you just are the person you claim not to be.

Lying, it's thievery, or just another form. Every bad thing comes down to thievery. Everyone had seen that movie, or read the Kite Runner. You kill a man, you steal his right to life, tell a lie, steal his right to truth, that's what I mean.

I wouldn't put it past me to have unintentionally done this before, I apologize if I have done so. It's a terrible feeling.

I have nothing else to say.. Sorry this is so short.

-->Alex Richey<--

Number 31: The Best Investment

2010-09-19T01:38:00.003-04:00

So what's the most worthy investment you've ever made? Car? Some nice headphones? A phone that does practically everything?

We all have some things like that we all adore, maybe it's something else. The things you love the most are usually the ones you got on your own. Usually, if it's one of those things, probably wasn't the best investment to tell the truth, if the readers are my age at least. We all spend money on stupid stuff that makes us happy at the time, I know how pissed I get when I beat a video game that I dropped $60 on and can't do much with once the story's over. Hence why I download music, it's not guaranteed to be something worth listening to.

Real talk...

Sometimes I dream bigger than I live.. Like, it'd be nice to be able to please everyone and myself. But I know, that's not possible. Making someone happy is gonna piss someone else off, making yourself happy, that'll piss even more people off. That's just how things work. We do what we can, well some of us, I know I do and that it's not always enough. And of course, you can't help someone who doesn't want it, even though it doesn't hurt to try. Hopefully they remember. I know I've said that stuff before.

Anybody that knows me well enough, knows I'm a Fight Club fanatic... Silly right? A movie, well more than a movie to me. Watching this movie multiple times and a conversation with Will Watt has made me realize how I contradict myself on exactly what I've been preaching. "The things you own, will end up owning you." Yeah, I want a $300 pair of headphones because I love some music more than most things. But, I know that I don't need that, it goes against a lot of what I believe. "Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need." But we still buy it because we want it, unworthy investments.

I've come to realize that the best investments that we can make, is investments in people. The greatest gifts you can give are not material, they are time, and yourself. I used to say "I spend money because spending time is hopeless." Yeah that's a Drake line, but I believed it. I was so wrong.

I'm not much for karma, but I feel like this is the most common example of it. If you invest in people, it will reward you in the end. When you know you've done the right thing, there is a sense of fulfillment in that. Investing time is basically investing yourself. What is our best answer not to do something? "Not worth my time." Time is the most valuable thing we have in this world, the most wonderful thing we can invest in another. Giving time is like giving love.

I try to invest as much as myself as possible into those that I care about, sometimes it is just not enough. You try to have a conversation and that person just doesn't want to hear it because they've already made up in their mind that you cannot be right. Let the selfishness blind them, they're just not worth the investment obviously. But eventually, they'll realize that you tried to do right by them. Can't steer you wrong.

A recent conversation I had with a friend while sitting in Moe's made me realize something else I was doing wrong. Just too much of trying to invest myself in people... I never really thought about it like that. He made me realize that I needed to do less of that, more of investing in myself. All of a sudden, it all made sense. That "you can't please anyone until you please yourself" stuff, stuff that I had also been preaching but never really thought I had a problem with, until now. Thanks, Carson.

I know I'm not the only one. Trying to please people, thinking that it'll be the ultimate pleasure. Yeah, it's nice but you gotta make sure you are doing right by yourself first or you're just not doing right at all.

Regardless to who reads this stuff, I really dunno if anyone does for real, but I don't care, I won't stop writing, I'm investing in myself by doing so I realize now. Whenever I'm done with it, if I ever am, I'll know I've done what I should have and that makes me happy.

So yeah, please people, but make sure you can afford to do it with yourself. If you must spend money, don't do things like buy your mom a gift, buy her lunch so you can hang out with her. Material is only temporary, unless it's diamonds, but diamonds can't by people, diamonds can't by time.

Diamonds are forever, but time is not. Give time while you have it, to yourself and the people you love. When you give time, you give love.

-->Alex Richey<--

Number 30: Packing my life into my trunk again.

2010-08-18T01:27:00.002-04:00

So.. Tomorrow is that day where I'm back to Evansville as a permanent place of residence for the next 10 months. As much as I go on about how happy this would usually make me, I've never felt so negatively about it. Crazy right?

Truth is, this Summer as short as it was, has undoubtedly been the greatest one of my life. I feel like I've never done so much good for myself and others, sad part is I still don't feel as if I've done enough. I wish I just had some more time. You can do so much, and yet never to enough, and most certainly cannot do too much. I'm glad the weather is as incredible as it has been these past couple days so I can just really enjoy my last bit of time here.

Where do I begin?

Well, thank God for The Rising.. That's for sure. I've never known such an incredible bunch of people, a family. There is so much love in this one place, it would blow one's mind. Definitely the biggest influence on this great summer I have had. Just getting involved there, starting with Bigstuf... All the new friends I have, it makes leaving home so much harder when you know a lot of people are here that care. I just can't say enough about that place. I owe so much to the place, to the person who brought it to my attention, to the people I've met there. I hope I can bring someone there and it have that same impact on them. My relationship with God isn't just so much better because of the place, it actually exist because of the place. It's gotten to be strong enough to where I know I won't need it forever to keep the relationship strong. It just makes me want to give so much more than I have. One thing I'll never forget, was baptizing one of my best friends. Wanna talk about feeling awesome, that'll do it for ya.

I feel so bad about this summer sometimes... I'm sorry to all the people I didn't get to spend the time with I know I should have. Mckenna, Secoy, Rachel, Kelsey, The Byas family, my own family... I'm really sorry to them. Just some of those things I didn't dedicate myself too enough. I feel like crap for it, but I guess I'm only human. And how in the world I went through a grand and didn't even go shopping, I don't know.. I feel like I'm a fool.. So does my dad ha..

And how little I worked this Summer.. I had big plans for myself, in regards to income. I was gonna do so much with myself financially, and get ready for this coming year.. Well that all went to hell. I ain't even gonna take that blame on my own though.. I can't say I didn't try. Don't ever cheat anyone, ESPECIALLY YOURSELF.

What else... Well, I got a tattoo done this Summer, that will stick with me forever. I think that's pretty cool. I'm glad I got something done I came up with on my own, in my own handwriting even. That makes it a lot more special to me, being something I believe in. And yeah, definitely addicting.

It's a shame that I had to cap off my summer with some bad news.. but I can't really let it bring me down. So what I gotta find another place to live, yeah I'm not happy about it, but that's why you plan for the worst and only HOPE for the best. Never let yourself fall short. I guess that's kinda like a losers way out, but when it's not all up to you there's not much else you can do. Yeah, school is gonna cost me quite a bit more than I had planned on this year, but it's still worth every penny.

This summer has taught me that even though things change, real friends don't. That's why I'm glad I have the tri-pod.. Still the best friends I've ever had, friends that I know I'll have forever. The first people to give me a realization of what friendship is about. I'm forever grateful...

Gotta wonder what if.. I didn't leave home for college... I didn't broaden my horizons... Never wrote a blog... Expressed myself like I only know how to... Never found God... Where would I be without all the things that keep me human? I guess that's why I say to never consider things that didn't happen, because they didn't happen, therefore it's irrelevant.

I dunno man... Life is crazy. To everyone that has been a part of this summer, thank you so much, it's been awesome. Even those of you who I didn't get to enjoy much of it with, you're still appreciated. Can't believe this summer is over.

"Though it's ending, things have only just begun. And the sky still grey, and I still seek the sun."

-Methodical Wun: The Rain

-->Alex Richey<--

Number 29: Our God is doin' BIGSTUF

2010-07-24T03:05:00.002-04:00

Don't mind the spelling, you'd get it if you were there...

Yesterday I returned home from what was undoubtedly the greatest four day span of my life. I'm talkin' like pure incredible. The BIGSTUF camp in Panama City Beach, and you thought that PCB was all about gettin' hammered drunk right? Wrong! It was used for worship, possibly the greatest example of it ever.

Everything we do is through what we think. Our thoughts reflect our words, which reflect our actions, which reflects our habits, which defines who we are. The most important thing that we think is what we think when we think about God. When we think about how great he is, the work he does, the way he loves us.

I saw there greatest gesture of God's power, watching people confess that they need Jesus in front of nearly 2000 others. Hearing one of my best friends tell me that he wanted to get baptized. Might have been the thing that I looked for the most in going there. Talking about it to someone last night brought me to tears because I am so happy, the happiest I have been in the longest time. Just to know that I helped to the work of God in being there to bring others to him is awesome.

Being a leader there meant a little extra responsibility, and more things to go to. None of us where much enthused by the extra stuff but I did hear one thing that will stick with me the rest of my life. "God uses broken people to tell his story of restoration and redemption." We are all God's broken people!!! We have all been broken at some point, those of us to allow our selves to be lifted up by God go on to tell the world of this magnificent change.

There was a time when I was the one, broken and lost... Until I found The Rising, and it did just that, raised me up. Now I'm here, restored and redeemed, ready to show someone else the light. What a bright light it is...

People will read this and think I'm crazy.. Maybe they are right, I'm crazy about God. They'll realize that the person who they went to high school with would never be writing this, that I'm not even that person anymore. The glory of God goes beyond all fame...

Besides the nearly 2000 total, the nearly 200 of the Rising is what I really care about the most. I've never made so many friends in such a short period of time, the work of God is amazing... The way that people come together for him is impossible for anything else. That alone should be enough to show one the power he has.

Romans 12:2-Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

That first sentence means change the way you think. Or maybe it says to be reborn all together. Either way, change the way you think about God until you conform to the second sentence.

There's just no real way to put it into words, you just have to be there... I'm sure it won't be my last.

Think-Live-Serve-Love

-->Alex Richey<--

Number 28: Surrounded By God

2010-04-26T03:14:00.003-04:00

So I talked to my youth pastor the other day about how I'm doing a presentation of a sermon for my religion class this week and I know what I wanna talk about, but just not sure of how to go about doing it. Matt told me to write it, like I do on here. The perfect way to start it because this stuff, well it's me. So here goes nothing...

So people ask a lot of questions about God. I mean, we have no real knowledge of God besides our own relationships. One question I'd say comes up often is "Where is God?" I believe the answer to be quite easy actually, God is everywhere. Some seem to think that you need to go to a church to find God or somewhere where people are doing the work of God like giving back in some way, something like that, no specifics. But like I said, God is everywhere, everything. God is there on a city street, amongst all the people, in this study lounge with me, in the church, everywhere you go.

Most of all, God is in you, in everyone. And as counterproductive as this sounds, you gotta pull God out of you. I know I know... Sounds weird. But think about it.. If you keep God in you, you may just bury him to deep. You have to pull God out of you, hold God above your head. This way, you can always hear him. You cannot hear what goes on inside of your body (besides your stomach sometimes of course), you cannot hear your heart beat without a stethoscope just as if you would not be able to hear God from the inside. God speaks to us, it's up to us to listen.

If we do not listen, if we do not work to build our relationship with the LORD we just bury him deeper inside us. When we do not work to keep this relationship strong, God is no longer on the outside. When we start to do things to not help us, skipping on worshiping, replacing time for God with time for other things, we create idols. This is like burying God in sand and then adding water to it. This is what you want to avoid, you may never get him back. But maybe if you realize you may be creating idols then you can fix it. You can pray, you can start living for God more often then hopefully you can pull God out of the sand.

We're all surrounded by God and there's nothing we can do about that, but it's up to us to accept the part of God that is inside us and what to do with it. Do you bury it or do you hold it high? I suggest figuring it out before you want to hold it high and it's already buried much too deep to find again...

Deuteronomy 3:16 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave nor forsake you.

-->Alex Richey<--

Number 27: A Friday Night At Home (Spring Break 2010)

2010-03-13T03:05:00.005-05:00

I just start thinking, then the typing starts...

And there I go again... I keep telling myself (since I only write to myself it seems) that I'm gonna post a blog and that'll get me back in the loop of doing it as often as I used too... It's a shame that it doesn't work like that.

I have all these thoughts brewing up in my head that I know would make good reading material, I just never put pen to paper (or finger to keyboard, whatever).

I've realized how college changes people, big time. I'll always be me, just not the same exact me I was from 2005 to 2009. Even though I changed throughout my years of high school as well. I'm just not sure how much of a problem I have with it. Sure I hate some of the aspects, like the fact that I don't write as much as I used too. That's multiple things like being too busy on top of school just getting to me and wiping out all of the creative thinking going on in my head.

I feel like college puts you through terrible things just to make you better off in the end. Smart people will suddenly feel dumb, just for a lack of preparation when they get there. They start wanting to transfer home and things like that, start questioning their whole future. I never made it that far, but I know of some people who have.

I have gotten to the point where I feel weird being here, at home. Home? This place? No way... I spent a good couple months at school without taking a trip back here and all of a sudden it's not home anymore. I hate that I feel that way. I'm not necessarily saying that I can't wait to get back because I am definitely enjoying the time off but it's weird. I almost think I'd be enjoying it more if I just had the time off and was sitting in SigEp (my fraternity house) right now. I'm just so out of the loop with being here, I feel so weird. Maybe I just miss my roommates and the other guys.

Time is definitely helping though, especially with today. This is kind of a typical New Albany Friday night for me. I go do my thing with my friends throughout the day then come home and chill. No problem with that, those weekend nights at home is what would put me in the mood to do things like this.

I'd say I'm doing pretty well for being here on spring break, but I did want it this way. I've spent some time with some friends and family, though I wish McKenna was here as well but that's okay. She'll be 21 this summer, I'm sure we'll spend some quality time haha. I'd say the days this week with my people have been less than eventful for the most part but good times for sure (except for pregnant girls at the club). It's still not the same though, something is just not the same. Maybe it's not having the big homie around anymore, it's just not home without Trell, but I have no choice but to get used to that. Rest in paradise fam...

It doesn't help to come back and see how much things have changed here. I walk into my work and I don't know anyone, someone I do know has some new haircut, people I never imagined together have some great relationship, not to mention my house has some interior remodeling going on. I get a break from school just to come home and my dad put me to work. I'm not complaining though, it's nothing but quality time to me.

Maybe eight days is too much though, after getting so comfortable at school I mean. Christmas break was no problem because I was always on edge at school, but now that I'm comfortable there and doing all the right things like good grades, I never really want to leave. After Thursday I was ready to go back, just too much of my mom I guess. I love her but she is definitely overwhelming.

And maybe I just got a lot on my mind, and I don't want to put anything else on there. Like my (Greek) big sister would ask me about why I was making dumb decisions at school, when I knew they were bad decisions. That's a fair enough question I'd say. It took me forever to come up with a legitimate answer but then it hit me. "I'd rather deal with that empty feeling after hooking up with someone, because even though as much as it sucks it's a hell of a lot better than that awful feeling you get from a break up, or even a relationship you were almost in that never really got there. A failure." Is that fair enough? Does anyone feel me on that? I never did well with break ups, granted I haven't been in a relationship in a long time. It's not like I haven't wanted to or tried, they just fall through and I get that awful feeling again. Yeah it's not as bad as a break up but it's a lot worse than it not happening. I've stopped that though, it just took some time, being new to the whole college thing.

It's things like that, just things I get mad at myself for. There's all kinds of things on my mind, just like every other person I'm sure, but not the same things. This job opportunity in Evansville, but am I even worthy of it? The fact that I'm a super pledge weighing on me all the time, killing me that I didn't make it to that one week but I'm glad enough that I'm still around for another chance.

I prayed for a couple good friends this past weekend, right in front of them. That was not easy. People may wonder why, but that means a lot to me. I know how it makes me feel when someone prays for me, especially right there with me in front of them. I remember the first time Matt did, that was just the beginning of a new life for me, or the preview to it. But meaning so much to me made it hard because that's the person I want to be, I want to be that person people ask for that, because of the way I look up to those people that ask for prayers from. I just don't know if I'm quite worthy of it, but I want to be, a lot more than some other things.

I spent some quality time with a friend tonight, seems like it brought back some old feelings. I don't know what to think of that, being in Evansville and what not. But I can't pretend to act like I forgot those old feelings, like they died when I moved or something like that, that text message I got definitely made me think. I catch myself reading it more than once so I'm sure I read it right. I just hope she's not putting something on herself she doesn't want to think about.

Jeeze.... what am I doing haha, I love to put myself on blast like this. What I strange life I lead, but I can't help it. Without this, I'm just that mysterious type to those I'm not close to I guess. It's not like anyone reads it anyways. This break's bout over, John Mayer concert tomorrow, can't wait for that one. Then Sunday it's back to school, gotta go to church though. I don't know what I would do without Northside that's for sure, that's one thing that helps make this place feel like home.

"Me and all my friends, we're all misunderstood. They say we stand for nothin' and there's no way we ever could. Now we see everything that's goin' wrong with the world and those who lead it, we just feel like we don't have to means to rise above and beat it. So we keep on waiting, waiting on the world to change. We keep on waiting, waiting on the world to change. It's hard to beat the system when we're standing at a distance. So we keep on waiting, waiting on the world to change."

-->Alex Richey<--

Number 26: He Dropped The World

2010-01-16T05:03:00.005-05:00

I'll remember it as long as I shall live... December 18, 2009 at 2:42 pm I received that phone call. It was my buddy Kyle calling me up, I figured he was trying to invite to do something that night since we had just ran into each other the day before. Dude couldn't even keep his sentences together...

"A-Rich I need to you to t-t-t-take me seriously right now... like as serious as ever,"

"okay whats up bud?"

"I'm not kidding, this is serious..." At this point I'm annoyed

"Dude what the hell do you have to tell me?"

"Dude Trell... Trell's dead..."

"No... no no no no.... your kidding me"

"No I'm not, he died earlier... he... he's gone..."

We talked for a few minutes but nothing else we said mattered after that. I called Biddy to end up talking to Lamar, only to hear Biddy crying in the background. I call Brandon, knowing he's four hours away. It took a few attempts to get a hold of him, but it only hurt to talk to him hearing the state that he was in.

I was like in shock... It was kinda like everything around me just stopped, or it blurred or something, things were just not making sense at all. It amazing some of the things I saw on facebook within hours after the event. You realized how many people were affected.

I'd say I'm a strong person, I've dealt with a lot, I don't really cry. I can honestly say that me and Trell were one of each others' best friends, we were more than that, him, Brandon, Biddy, and myself were a family, are a family, we were accepted as part as his family. I got a lot weaker that day, I didn't cry much, but I still did. This was the single biggest loss I had ever suffered in my life.

I got really pissed off at a lot of people that night, I mean we did, the three of us. When we were invited to drink in his memory by a bunch of people that weren't the friends to him that we are. It was selfish of us no doubt, but we were pissed off, our brother was taken from us and we didn't want to go anywhere to have what could possibly be a good time and we were pissed off that so called friends were doing that. We actually went, and we really had to leave, wasn't our scene that night.

I realized in that selfishness that even though we were the tripod(them being the three legs and me being deemed by Trell as the short arm that points the camera) Trell was a real personal dude. If you didn't like Trell, something was wrong with you, really wrong. He was there for people, he was the muscle in our crew, he was the shoulders, he was a shoulder for everyone. The three of us, hell the four of us because I can't forget Chris lost our shoulders that day.

I so bad wanted to wake up the next day and this be a dream, I'm still in that dream I feel like because it's so surreal. I'm glad I got in touch with God when I did for I would've rejected God after this. Ended up needed God more than ever after this.

We were one day away from all being together. The next day Brandon was gonna be home and we were probably all gonna get trashed together who knows what the hell we would've done, it just would've been great to have us all in the same room again because it had been forever. It would've been just like my junior year when I became part of that crew. The statuesque tradition of movie night. We wasn't always watching a movie but there was always a movie playing. Sometimes it was just us, sometimes it became a party but no matter what it turned into, it was always us. It was our thing, it's what we did and we never did much else because all we ever needed was each other. Always at "Olde Town...my house...third floor...on the couch" as Trell would say. That's where we made our memories and we had plenty more to make.

Every great memory I recall from high school involves these guys, I even remember the first time I ever hung out with them. I was and will always be "token white boy" and they'll always be my niggas, I might not ever call anyone else that... probably shouldn't. I remember when I got to my senior year, I was miserable without them but once they came back it was on. Back to the good old days.

I remember during the wake, I don't know how I ended up at the podium speaking but I did, I had to fight back the tears, he wouldn't want that. I got up there and told about the good times, because Trell was a good times type of guy and I had to do what I could to put a smile on the face of my self and everyone else, that guy was always smiling. I don't get to see that smile anymore, don't get to make anymore stories. I hate that seeing him in a box was the first time I had seen him in way too long. We had just talked a couple days prior, about the weekend too. It was on our agenda to get together.

That funeral service was a hard day. I think that's when it all sunk in. I was one of the honorary pall bearers, Biff, Chris, Biddy, Brandon, and myself. One mentor, one apprentice, and the remaining pieces of the tripod. I sat there, soaking up all that was being said, watering up here and there but never really crying. Until it was over, until we stood up to take one more look and to walk by the family. We were close to that family, we are close to that family. When Trell was in Iowa at school I would still stop by the Olde Towne to see the fam, I was the token white boy to that whole family not just those three. But walking past there was when I lost it, probably the hardest cry I ever cried. I really felt like the whole week of him passing had hit me and the fact that I have to spend the rest of my life without my nigga had all just hit me. It was the single worst feeling I had ever felt. It still hurts.

Brandon, Biddy, and myself shared a hug in the lobby. Tellin' each other that were all we have left, our crew took a major blow there but were still gonna stay strong, he'll keep us that way in spirit. We know that even though we don't spend near as much time together as we used to that shit hasn't changed. There's no doubt in my mind that I'd jump in front of a bullet for those guys and I know they'd do the same.

Trell was that person that you didn't want to let down, if you was messing up, you didn't want to admit it to him. He demanded the best from everyone and did whatever he could to be the best for himself. The promise that Chris made to Trell to get an education outside of Clarksville is the most important promise that Chris will ever keep because that will better him and Trell knew it, and Chris would not let Trell down. Real friends never would and nobody would want to let Trell down because he was trying to look out for everyone. He was the shoulders for everyone.

He held the world up with those shoulders, and when he dropped, so did the world...

I'm gonna recover, I mean I'm done crying. This can't get any worse, God forbid I lose another person. But I can't lose Trell again, I just have to go the rest of my days without him. That's shitty but it's life. To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, shit I hope so. Mourning is just as much a part of life as celebrating, that's something I've learned from this. So I tell our stories of the great times we had to celebrate the life he lived, to celebrate the fact that I know we'll hold movie nights in the sky one day. It's gonna seem like a short time once were there. I'm gonna celebrate the fact that I know that me and the guys have a guardian angel looking over us at all times now because he was that the entire time, but now we just can't see him or speak with him. We don't need to, he knows we love him and we know he loves us.

He told us not to sweat the small stuff, he's probably shaking his head at me right now for being the emotional wreck that I am but I can't help it, now I have to just remember him saying it instead of actually hearing it.

Jeantrell Aushant Byas (11/24/89-12/18/09), "Tiny", number 77, Rest In Paradise my brother... Save some room for me on that sectional couch I'm sure your playin' xbox on for when the rest of us show up...

He loved them head phones, I had to get me a pair as well...

I could never write something good enough, but I had to write something... He'd appreciate it I know he would. My world will always be missing something now, a piece fell off when it dropped and broke, broke my heart but will never break the love I have for mine...

Tripod Forever

-->Alex Richey<--

Number 25: Rushing Things

2009-11-07T02:10:00.002-05:00

A recap of this past Thursday morning...

So... I don't have class until 1:15 on Thursdays and even though I would love to sleep in and get plenty of rest, I opt to wake up at 9:30 so I can get a good start, get lunch, and study for the exam I'm going to have in that class that day. So 9:30 rolls around and I hit the snooze button, why not? I'm in no rush, clearly. Well the second alarm rolls around and all of a sudden it's 1:40... How does that happen? It doesn't snooze for 10 minutes, but an hour and 10 minutes. Now I jump out of bed, highly pissed. Cussing and going off about how stupid this thing is for doing that, while throwing my clothes on and running out the door. On the way across the street I pass one of the guys and complained about my misfortune and he told me good luck, I guess since I was half an hour late for my exam.. I knew I was screwed. Until I had almost made it an entire block and I pull out my cell phone to come to the realization that it is 9:44 am. I turn around and my buddy sees that I notice the time and we both can't help but laugh. I get back to my room to look at my clock and I was right to freak out, it really did jump four hours. I don't know why, maybe it's some sick joke that the clock does. It sure worked.

The panic and rush I was in was not a pleasant position. I hated that moment and it took a good while to collect myself. But I realize, it's like that for many people, just about everyone. We're always rushing to some place or rushing to get something done and it's always our own fault that were in that position. I realized at the moment I was running to class that it was my own fault that I hit the snooze, it's my own fault every time that I wait until the day before to finish a paper and stay up way too late finishing it. And I know I'm not the only one.

You gotta think, it's just part of life, being rushed. But how many of us purposely do that? Wait until the last minute to write a paper, or leave home to give us just enough time to get to work, or class or wherever we shouldn't be late for. Are we just being lazy or can we not imagine life without being rushed?

Why is everyone always in a rush? Why is everyone always speeding to where they are driving except old people? You don't have to be anywhere when your retired, must be nice. Why is everyone always too busy to do a favor because that small gift of time would mess up what they are doing and all of a sudden they're in even more of a rush?

Why do we rush through life? We make it to where we can't even enjoy it. This crazy busy of a semester with non-stop rushing has made me realize that. I remember move in day to the "T" and it was like two and a half months ago, I wonder where time between now and then went. But then again, I remember almost all of it because it all feels like just yesterday. Yeah, it's nice to be able to recall everything, but it would be much better to actually be able to enjoy most of it. The late night talks with my brothers and all the times of the chanting loud enough for the whole campus to hear it. And of course the times when I get to get my ass kicked in 2k by the dude that's pretty much the reason I even go to this school.

All I'm saying is that we're going to continue to rush through life until it's over before we know it because we never took the time to actually enjoy it. I'm trying to slow down, get things right the first time so I can enjoy some free time afterwards, and just enjoy the aspects of life a little bit more.

I'm starting to learn more and more everyday that life is too good to just rush through, and that I'm at the beginning of the best years of my life right now and I can't afford to mess them up. This is where responsibility really starts.

So go head, live life to the fullest...

-->Alex Richey<--

Number 24: Getting Unsettled Again

2009-09-26T09:31:00.003-04:00

So I know I've been in need of one for a very long time now, well that time is here. College has really got to me, its been crazy and that's kept me from writing and I hate it. When it comes to finding some free time and you can actual relax, or write if your like me, good luck and finding it if you don't wanna be up into the wee hours of the night. I can't lie, I'm having the time of my life and I'm sure it's only going to get better but it takes a lot out of me, not the fun but the school.

I can honestly say I've never really had to try in school, well those days are gone now and never to return I'm sure. Mentally it's a killer. I have spent many of days suffering from mental exhaustion. Staying up until two, three in the morning some nights is just not what I was hoping for, thank God I have the student center to work in which also makes me realize that I'm not the only one.

I have definitely learned a lot here though. And no, it's not to don't pass out with your shoes on.. I've gained much more than scholarly knowledge being here but I have received that too. Life lessons have come along with that as well. I would never have expected so much to happen in only my first month of school but it has, it's just insane.

I've had another example that your friends are definitely more important than females, and I have gotten a real example of brotherhood, a brotherhood that I cannot wait to be a part of. I've definitely learned that high school does not prepare you for college, and Clarksville high School doesn't at all... I know I'm being changed by college, it's bound to happen but it's for the better I can already tell. I was told repeatedly that I would fail here, that I wasn't ready. That is motivation enough, and he was right, I wasn't ready but I'm adjusting and I'm not failing either. It's going to take some work to be where I want to but I have full confidence that I'll be better off with time. I've learned that I can stay true to my faith, despite the fact that many thought college would turn me out. Ask anyone and they'll tell you, I've probably spoken to them about God and what God has done for me.

I think that's helping me to deal with the difficulties here. I have God in my life, just knowing that simple fact makes things better for me. I had a moment where me and this guy who is an alumni in the fraternity that I'm joining got in my face and called me things like stupid and ignorant for being a Christian. The night before when I met him, before he knew my beliefs we were really cool but he judged me on what I believe. I would never force my beliefs on someone, I accept everyone for who they are and if they don't like the same things I do, so be it. Just respect what I believe. I don't think I had ever been so mad in my life, but with some wise words from some wiser people than I, I was fine.

That was definitely a situation I didn't expect to deal with but I'm well over it now. The thing was that I thought he was real cool until that went down. It's things like that that are making me stronger. I lost that argument I admit. I mean, I wasn't trying to convince the guy that what I believed was better than Atheism, I was just trying to get him to respect me but it didn't work. He did whatever he could to put me down. It got to me but it didn't affect my faith. Only made me stronger.

I've had two instances where I have slept in the room with someone that wasn't my roommate. On both instances I behaved. I was proud of myself I guess because I'm sure that a few months ago I may have acted differently. But also I haven't been into treating women like nothing. A relationship right now is probably far from what I need but I'd much rather do that than just get around. That's not the person I'm going to be.

When it comes to back home, yeah I miss it. I miss my boys, I miss my family. I REALLY miss my dog, she can't communicate with me, that's sad. It made me really appreciate home when I went there last weekend and everyone was really happy to see me, I didn't really expect that much. Honestly I feel like the thing I want here that I have back home is my church. I feel lost without Northside here, it sucks. It's not making me act out in ways I wouldn't if I was going to church but I just want the words of wisdom. I'm still reading my Purpose Driven Life, but only for a few more days. After that I'm going to start on the Bible. I hear that's a good one...

Honestly, I'm loving it. This may be the best time of my life already and I know it's only getting better. I can't wait for this evening, it's passover. No, not the Jewish holiday, the day I pledge to my fraternity and become a part of this brotherhood I'm so excited for. It's probably the same reason I woke up so early. That's why this is titled "Getting Unsettled Again" because I'll probably moving out of my dorm tomorrow, but really I'm feeling right at home here. I was having trouble write, hopefully those days are behind me and can get back to putting them out a lot. I feel it's necessary to share what I learn with the world.

I'm starting to learn how I have to do things, school-wise and that's going to set me up for the rest of college and I'll be absolutely fine. I'll have brothers to get my back if I start to fall. The best days of before are not going to compare to the future, and I can't wait. I'm not going to rush though, I'm going to enjoy every moment of it.

"May the best of your todays be the worst of your tomorrows, but we ain't even thinkin' that far yet..." - Jay-Z: Forever Young

-->Alex Richey<--

Yeah, I'm back... Be ready.

Number 23: New Life

2009-08-17T00:40:00.003-04:00

So today, Sunday the 16th (even though it's technically Monday) I was baptized. I'm 18 years old, older than most people that are typically being baptized but I wouldn't want it any other way. The choice was mine.

A year ago, you would've been crazy to think you'd see me in chuch and even a month ago, getting baptized was not something I had even considered. Now it's all different, this is the path for me, this is the person that I want to be and I could not have made a better choice.

When I was young (like child status) I had occasionally been drug into church. It's not like I didn't necessarily want to go, I just didn't understand, wasn't made to understand so I didn't care much, just went and behaved.

As I got older, more into the middle school ages I went a little more often. I would go to the FCA meetings after school and sometimes to the youth groups on Wednesdays. As I look back onto it I see that I really was only there because I had friends there. Sure I sang along with the songs and stuff but I never got the message. I would sit and listen, but I never really heard what was being said, it just wasnt on my wavelength. So I stopped going for a while.

In high school I would go to church occasionally with my grandma, or with my dad and step mom. I could just never get into it and the catholic church was just really not for me. No disrespect to those who are catholic, it's just not my thing. I really tried hard to get into it, go some sundays, go like every wednesday but it never did anything for me.

I never grew up with the most satifying life. For a while things went well but when they started getting at home around the time I was getting into middle school, they never got better. It was like things would appear to be improving and just never did. Like every little promise was being broken. This was kind of motivation for me to get into it but it never worked. My grandma did it, my granny was in church, and my mom was going with my grandma and taking my brothers as well, and my little sisters are going to a catholic school. It was as if I was the only one not getting in touch.

My grandma would ask me to go to church occasionally and I would just to make her happy, she would ask me if I'd like to attend some camps and I would in the best way I could find a reason not to go. I wasn't much for having the stuff shoved down my throat when it wasn't something I was into. My mom would ask me why I never went anymore. My honest excuse was the one I gave her, "it doesn't do anything for me." That was the truth. I had spent time praying, going to church, and paying dues, hoping for things to be looking up, hoping for my miracle that never happened. She accepted it, for she knew how I felt and wouldn't try to force me into although she would have rather me been there.

I had become anti-church. It wasn't that I was atheist because I did believe there was a God, it's just that I didn't believe in that God, didn't believe that it was my God. I was respectful to all those who chose that life style, it was just not my life style. I had tried and tried and it had just never had the effect I had wanted it to so I just shut it out.

I had got to the point where I wasn't gonna look to God for answers, only myself with no consideration for any other way. I had become ambitious, living only for me. I felt as if I was the only person who could make my life better. I didn't like to ever discuss religion with people, especially my family. People want to see someone who loves God, maybe they are envious and impressed sometimes, and I did not want to let anyone down but at the same time I would not avoid being honest so I would therefore feel like an ass for not being what they may want.

I'm not sure when it was that I started hanging out with Michael, sometime when there was still snow on the ground, and I'm not sure when the first time he invited me to church was, I think it was sometime after the snow melted. But I do remember feeling like an ass for being honest with him about my opinion on it. Here is my pretty good friend at the time, not as close as we are now but still someone I hang with a lot, he ask me to go to church with him one day and the only response I have for him is "Church is a hustle to me." and that was my honest opinion. I had gotten out of it so much that I was against it. I had only though of church as something that was designed to get your money. So he left it alone for a while and after inviting me a couple more times I abided and decided to try it out....

I don't remember my first time going to Northside, I was still in my idea of it not being for me, but after going a couple times and attending the Rising occasionally I started to pay attention. I had still never considered my baptism but I was starting to enjoy church somewhat, started to remember what was being talked about, started relating it to my life. Started to actually hear the message.

I remember Easter, my family was mad at me for not going with them but going to Northside for church was what I wanted to do and like I had said, the Catholic church is just not for me. Sure I did feel kind of bad for it but I had to do what is right for me and of course I did not want to turn down brunch with my best friend's family afterwards, the friend that had got me going to church in the first place. I was getting close to graduating, I'm less that a week from moving away now so I started to feel as if I needed to make some decisions on my own.

It started to seem as if faith had a bigger and bigger part in my life as time went on, even though that was not necessarily a big part since I had started from pretty much zero. I remember the long talks with Wendy my manager when I would get off work, this very religious woman, and seeing what she had been through, I listened and I listened very attentively. That helped my growth along with this message I had heard at church in the early part of June about living small, living like Jesus. Matt Allman gave that message and it had hit me harder than any other I had ever heard to that point. I even someone based an older blog on it (post #19) "The Greatness Of Self." After that I had definitely wanted to go to church.

From the later part of June until early/mid part of July I was very busy. Two weeks in Evansville for school, a week home, then a week on vacation. I missed a lot of church in those weeks, and strangely enough, I was not happy about it, I wanted to get back into the church and it was one of the reasons that I wanted to be home.

Shortly after I got home Michael had to go on his church retreat which I had originally wanted to go but could not afford too and was much too tired of being gone. When he came home Steven and I went to the Rising with him that next Sunday to hear about the retreat. These people had all these great stories about how much they had learned while they were there and how much closer they had grown to God. I was greatly envious and I had seen seven people get baptised that evening. That may have been the most amazing thing I had ever seen in my life just to see God have this kind of effect on these people, they were all just so happy... Like they had all just been given new life. It was incredible, it was from that moment that I knew I wanted that in my life. That was two weeks ago.

I had let the days go by just considering it, making a little mention of me wanting to get baptized to a few people, none to my family. I had just felt if I was to tell them before and then not go through with it that I would let them down, and there was still that uncertianty to it.

All that uncertianty had gone this past Friday at the Block when I had spoke to Matt about it. I told him and he thought it was great and he sat me down to have a talk about it. I told him my story in where I had stood my whole life with faith, basically all this typed here and he told me that I was getting baptized Sunday. Strangely it was one of the best things anyone had ever told me. I don't know how or why I got to feeling the way I do but I'm glad I do, I wouldn't have it anyother way. Then he prayed for me, prayed for the decision I had made, prayed for my future life, my new life with Christ. I had never had anyone ever pray for me until then.

He prayed like he was sitting across from God instead of me, prayed like he was talking to one of his buddies. That was something I had never had when I was younger and couldn't get into it. I would pray and instead of talking to God it was more like I was just thinking about what I wanted to pray about to myself. It was one of those things that just made me want to give up. Now I know how to talk to God though and all the doubt is gone.

I was tired of living for only me, I wanted more purpose in my life and I found that purpose with the help of the church, and more importantly and more importantly my friends. Now I have God as that higher purpose and I know I am not doing it alone.

I knew going in there that I wanted Michael to baptize me, or atleast help Matt do it. If not for Michael taking me, I'd never had been in there and if not for the things I had heard Matt say during the Rising and during Sunday mornings I would not have been in that water. All it took was a couple of questions, a couple of confessions. They weren't hard to answer, it was a simple yes or no but it was evidence of how much my life had been changed in such a short time because a few months ago the answers would have been all no.

A part of me feels kind of bad for not telling my family before, but it was the choice I had thought to be the right one. I wanted this for me, not anyone else. I didn't know if it would be the right thng for them to be there because they weren't part of my transition. It also makes me proud that it was a decision that I had made on my own, I wouldn't have done it if I was told do and nobody had ever really suggested it. Sometimes the choices you have to make don't necessarily make everyone happy but you have to live with that because you can't make everyone happy. You gotta make you happy first because you always have to live with yourself.

I'm glad I made the choice I did, there is no empty feeling in my anymore. I hope I can be the inspiration for someone the way my best friend was to me. There can be no better feeling than having a positive impact on someone's life I'm sure. I'm just an example that this is possible, a life with God is possible, and it's the best life to live for me. This is My New Life.

"It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life... for me." -Michael Buble: Feeling Good

-->Alex Richey<--

Number 22: What Summer Break?

2009-07-21T01:59:00.003-04:00

So it's been a minute since I graced the keyboard in this manner, too long of a minute. It's disappointing I know but it was due to forces I could not control, like the weather. Well, I'm back now, back to discuss the time between now and the last post, a lot has gone on, a lot has gone wrong. Somethings in my life are good, somethings in my life, I just don't know exactly what to say about them.

I've really started to miss home. I just graduated high school this year and i should really be having a good time but this summer has been almost nothing but work work work.. On June 18th I went to UE for two weeks for my orientation and a summer class, the EDGE program. That was two weeks long, after that was over, came home for 10 days, then I went to myrtle beach. Yeah it was myrtle beach, nice place but when you have only been home just a little over a week in the past month, there is no place like home. I figured out the other day that I have been away from home this summer about the same amount of time that I have been at home. I haven't started my semester yet, I don't need to get used to it yet, that's just how I feel.

Wednesday marks the start of my final month here at home. I really don't know what to say about that one, I feel like life as I know it is just being yanked out from under my feet, like I'm the dinette set on top of a table clothe and someone is gettin' ready to pull. I'm not gonna land on the table though, I'm gonna fall.

I've been graduated for well over a month now, I have hung out with one person I graduated with, one time. That's all. It's kinda pathetic I know, and it's not necessarily something I like, it's just the way it is. I can honestly say that I have tried to, it just doesn't always work out, I mean something is always wrong somewhere with something. Remember this imperfect life? Nothing is ever perfect, you just have to live it to the best of your abilities.

This past month has just been killer, like major.... Three weeks I have spent away from home, that's three weeks of losing money because if your not making money, then your losing it. Even if your not spending it, your missing an opportunity to make it, a missed opportunity is a loss. This is the worst possible time for it as well, it seems as if everything that cost money is hittin' me right now, I'm glad I paid some bills in advance because I don't know how'd I'd manage paying them along with everything else. I like how the day before I leave for vacation, I blow a tire, and the day I get my tire replaced my antennae falls off... What the hell is up with that?

One thing that is really wrong with this Summer so far is that it has me feeling as if I have already moved away. I was supposed to use it to spend time with my family and the friends that I have right now before I move away and things become different. Things are gonna be different, they already are in a lot of ways and I'm yet to really begin. The summer program doesn't really count, yeah it's a class but I'm home now. I haven't had the opportunity to spend this summer with many of my friends at all, I haven't even really had the opportunity to try. I've talked to some people but it's just not the same... I haven't seen like anybody from clarksville at all this summer, haven't seen Mckenna since the day before she went on vacation, that's over a month and she's been home. I haven't seen Secoy since the day before Mickey left. Man how I miss my boy Mickey Callis. I need to write that dude and I've been slackin, I'm gonna get on that soon though. The last time I saw my cousin was a pretty tragic day, I'd much rather it be a good time.

I'd much rather leave here on a good note in general. Everybody probably has a negative feeling towards me now though because I haven't talked to many of them in a good while. They may get the idea that I consider myself better than them since I'm going away to this private college while the majority of them are staying home. It's not like that at all, I can't help if people don't fit into my life right now, if they really think that I've become some ass hole then they can kiss my ass hole. I don't really care... I'm not legit because I'm going away on a scholarship? I feel like I'm as real as it gets and I'm doing what I can to improve me because that's all it comes down to is looking out for number one.

Life's not easy right now, I feel like I'm getting beat in the head with a blunt object. No, I don't have a headache all the time but it's like I can never find balance, like something is always hitting me, knocking me out of the loop. It's not that I'm scared of the change, I'm just not used to it. Things were the same for a long time and now it's all changing so fast, my body and my mind are struggling to keep up, but they'll catch up eventually. The other day somebody told me that God was testing me. A couple months ago I would've laughed at them... "What God?" I'd probably say... I was starting to feel like religion was just a comfort zone for people who needed to feel like everything actually did happen for a reason. Well now I actually do follow the gospel, sometimes study it. I know I can pass the test, this one I may actually have to study for, that's not something I actually do. Probably the reason I didn't get a higher ranking, maybe I should start to try, start to care.

This whole going out on a good note thing has been a struggle so far. I made somebody really sad recently, hurt her feelings. Really didn't want to do that, ultimately it was my fault, I will take the blame for that. I feel like the actions of her and maybe some other people around could have led to that not happening but those actions never happened. I felt like shit, a complete ass. The one thing I do agree with that people say about me, a nice guy. I'd like to keep that title, but I feel like I do things to mess it up. I'm glad all that is okay now, but it did some damage to me. I just can't stand to be the one to make somebody sad, I'm usually the one trying to be the shoulder to cry on.

I've been trying to spend some more time at my mom's house recently. I lived with her for the first 16 years of my life and now I'm bout to move away. She's one of those types with the letting go problem. I hated being gone three weeks out of the past month, I can't really even imagine what that did to her, I'm her first child, she has to hate it I know. It doesn't help that all this time she gets to see me is limited. It also makes me feel kinda bad that I want to go hang out with my friends more that my family recently. The family love is unconditional, which is not the same for the friends, these are people you can live without and usually end up getting weeded out. I don't necessarily want that to happen yet so I'm trying to make the best of the time I have.

We can call that my certain situation right now, just trying to make the best of the time I have. I'd say I'm doing a little bit better than others who are just letting it slip away, like I bout did. This past year has been a roller coaster thats for sure. Wanting just move on and wanting to hold on. Right now I'm wanting to hold on just because I realize how close I am from having no choice but to move on. I'm okay with that, that's the way it is. I got great people around me right now, can't complain a bit, I really care about these people but there is about to be a time where these relationships are going to be tested. I know of a few that will continue to matter, I'm still trying to decide on some others.

I got about a month to go, and I got a lot to do between now and then. Okay God, bring on the exam, I'm as ready as I'll ever be, probably can't find another as ready as me...

I'm just one man, waiting on my world to change. Until then, I'm just trying to make the best of the time I have left, God knows I don't have much...

-->Alex Richey<--

Number 21: Time Is Against Us (Ode To Mickey Callis)

2009-06-17T00:24:00.005-04:00

**This one goes out to my dear friend Mickey Callis and everyone affected by him leaving. Summer 2009 will not be the same without Mickey but we're gonna live it up the best we can on his behalf. He wouldn't want it any other way.**

We all have those memories that we can remember just as they were yesterday, regardless how long ago they actually happened. Soak up those memories for everything they are worth. These memories stay with us as long as we would want them too. When they say "Things forgotten are sure to repeat" they are not entirely right, so hold onto those memories as long as you can, forever if you can.

Today was a hard day for me and a few of my friends, we had to say bye to Mickey. Here in just a few hours he will be on a plane to basic training in South Carolina. Today was the last time I will see Mickey until atleast November, the last time I will have an actual conversation with Mickey for atleast nine weeks. It's a very, very harsh reality for me and the ones there with me today. I'm not one to cry, I am one to be sad, and I am one to be the shoulder for those who can't help but let out their emotions. It did not help my mood to see Secoy, Kasey, and Britt not take it so well, but I can't blame them.

It's gonna be a real shitty time without him. Mickey is a great guy, just as big, maybe a bigger inspiration to me than he claims to me to be to him. I never would have thought that going to hang out at my cousin's after prom party would lead to me making so many new friends, especially a friend like him. I've only know Mickey for about two months but it seems like we've been boys for years.

I refuse to say goodbye, that's just not the way it is. You don't say goodbye to someone you plan to see again, I had to correct him on his last blog that had "goodbye" in the title because everyone he tagged in it is gonna see him again, atleast I'll be sure I will. When's the last time you actually said "goodbye" to someone? It only seems appropriate to me to say to someone who is about to die, but at the same time you don't want to say it because you don't want it to happen, so it is usually never said. I'm not gonna say goodbye to Mickey because I know I'll be seeing him as soon as possible. He's going to basic training, not war. He will be back.

That doesn't change the fact that he is leaving for a long ass time...

There is just never enough time... We all do what we can, but no matter how much we do, we always feel as if we didn't do enough, didn't do as much as we wanted to. It didn't take long at all for us to develop the good friendship that we have, but as we are becoming the good friends that we are, it is time for him to go. It's shitty, but that's the way that it is. It's unfair, as life is. It's as if we did something, in becoming the friends that we are but never got the chance to live it out to the fullest, never got enough time to kick enough times, never got enough time to really enjoy it.

I've made so many new friends through this group lately. Of course I'm closest to Secoy that I am to the rest of them, that's fam, then it would be Kasey since I've gotten to know her for a few years now but it didn't take me long to develope this friendship with Mickey, as if we clicked the first time we kicked it. He's a goofy ass dude, but so much deeper and intelligent than meets the eye. I could always count on his input on my blogs, very shortly after they are posted. Loved how Mickey is the reader that he is. The biggest impact on my life has been the impact that I have had on others. I'm just glad that I have made an impact and he let's me know it. That is huge inspiration.

The clock never stops ticking... And it always moves at one speed, fast. If your not careful time will blow right past you. There's no such thing as a "New York Minute" obviously, time flies by for all of us, we need to enjoy every minute of it to the best of our abilities, don't miss out on anything. I feel as if I did. Since I realize the friendships that I have with these people now, I wish(yeah i said wish) that I would have started to hang out with them sooner. Opportunity is taken or it is missed, that was a missed opportunity but not missed entirely. Like I said in an earlier post "wishing is wanting something that you most likely will not have" and I can't change the past so I didn't get what I wished for.

As you reach the end of one of your books in your series of life (post #17) it would be wise to carry a camera. It is great to replay memories in your mind but it is better to actually see them, to better keep them alive. Don't waste an opportunity to make the most out of your life, don't waste the opportunity to create a memory. Time is against everyone, it is our mortal enemy. Unless your on the winning end of a game, time ticking means opportunity lost if your not taking full advantage of the moment.

I'm gonna miss Mickey big time while he's gone, but he is not the only one. There is a similar feeling towards some of my other friends who I will not likely be seeing or talking too for a long time. It's just different becuase Mick is one of my good friends, someone I make an effort to hang out with and he's being forced into this position, it just makes it all the worse. But we're gonna make it through no problem, anything for Mickey.

Dear Mickey,

Thanks for being the guy that you are. I haven't had many friends as good as you and have had many less inspirations like the one that you are. I'm gonna miss you while your gone big time, but I'm gonna live it up for you for sure and I'm gonna make sure all of our friends are doing the same thing. I know you wouldn't want us to be sad over you not being around. I'm gonna continue to hold it down, keep blogging and definitely keep you posted through the mail because I know you'll be looking forward to it. Regardless to the short amount of time we had between now and the first time we hung out I know you see me as just as much a friend as I do you. You have no idea how much you input and words are inspiring and appreciated. I'll be writing and expecting your replies, but I understand, so will everyone else so it's okay if it takes some time my dude, nothing but love. I hope you get the opportunity to read this before they take away your life over there lol. If not, you'll get it in the mail for sure. Your last day, as sad as it may have been for all of us, only showed that we really love you for who you are bro, don't let the drill sgt. drill the "Mickey" out of "Richard Mitchell Callis". We all know damn well that's impossible anyways. Keep doin' you bro, I'm gonna keep doin me and I'll be in touch. Don't forget me, or anyone else while your out there...

Your boy,

-->Alex Richey<--

Number 20: This Imperfect Life

2009-06-13T01:44:00.003-04:00

It's a lovely summer night...

I've been waiting on this since like what? Blog 10? Lol it feels damn good outside right about now. It's maybe a little cooler than I'd prefer but still, at the moment I'm really enjoying myself and being outside on a summer night is really the only time I can enjoy myself, by myself.

I feel like as I get older that it becomes easier for me to be okay with me to be alone, not like a loner but like right now. I used to absolutely hate going and doing something with friends then coming home, drove me crazy but now I've got to the point were I'm totally ok with it.

So until yesterday for a week I was without my cellular, it wasn't hell but it definitely was not pleasant. It didn't kill me but I definitely would not want to do it again. During the time I only talked to a few people, the ones that I see or talk to on a daily. I was without text messaging so I was without talking to a large amount of people. This made graduation set in very quickly. The reason I didn't blog about graduation the day of or any day soon after is because it never really hit me, but those several days without my cellphone cut off communication to most of my friends and I was without my classmates the entire time. I then got a sample of what it is soon to be like. It didn't necessarily sadden me because it is expected but it was different. Like, I could live without these people but I wouldn't necessarily want to and it most likely would not be the same life. It's amazing how one thing as simple as a cell phone can change so much of the way your life is.

Now as I sit here and do what I usually do when I'm alone, I think about how perfect and imperfect things are. If you didn't catch that, when I'm alone I reflect on life. The gears are always turning, I'm always thinking. I've had a really tough life, I've dealt with plenty of adversity and hard times, but have managed to pull through. Now I feel like karma is in my favor and the hard life that I had growing up with things falling apart and promises being broken, now it seems like things are only going in a positive direction. Of course things can be great but never perfect... But I'm far from complaining.

I owe so much to my closest of friends, the ones I have had the past few years and some for even just a few months, the ones that have been the true friends. The ones I can relate to, the ones that can help me through the ups and downs that I have been through because they understand where I'm coming from with it. The people that didn't have to be there but were.

Brandon Frazier; always a dude that I have looked to for advice, a man who I have chosen to follow a similar path and with good reason. Someone I can look up to but also not put on a pedestal. Always more than meets the eye, one of the best friends I've ever had. I don't need an essay to show how big a part of my life this guy is.

Jeantrell Byas; the muscle, the quiet one. The one person who can understand anything and most likely relate to it all as well. The one to go to when I or any of our friends really needed to talk to someone about something. Everyones' shoulder.

Robert Myers; Biddy, a little late on responsibility lol but it's all good.. Maybe the most chill person I know but always there to lighten up a situation, always able to make a place way more fun, but surprisingly thats not all he is about. Just like the other two of the tripod that I learned to call fam he is as deep and as intelligent as they come. A little man, a huge presence.

I didn't think I'd make it through my senior year without these three but I did just fine. It was hard at first but they aren't the type of friends that would allow me to throw it all away when they know that I've put in a lot of work, that I've gone through too much to let it all be a waste. The tripod, and as trell put it, I'm the little handle on top that swindles the camera around. These three were the first to ever make me feel like I belonged somewhere.

Also I can't forget...

Kelsey Becker; practially my sister for like six years now ever since we had a personal journal in the 7th grade to write notes back and forth too. That was cute... My prom date, both times. One of the most beautiful people I have ever met and I'm sure, will ever know. It helped having her in school with me for those years, even when high school came and we never shared classes. My "American Sister" lets not go there lol...

Michael Chrisman; Crispy. Probably the first person that ever got me to try new things. Got me to like soccer and got me into church, wow. The friend I needed when all the real friends I had were away. The biggest smart ass in the world, without a doubt but you get used to it. Christian, Chrispan, Crimson, and even Cheeseman, however you get his last name messed up, that's still my dude.

Chris Smith; brother bear. He has his nickname for a reason. He's just the type of friend to come to the rescue when someone needs it. Been friends since the diaper days and still good friends today. Hopefully the separation of college don't change that. I could never forget the nights when it was us and the tripod, talkin bout how McDonalds stole his ideas, or having the time of our lives during movie night.

Mickey Callis; the hero. Only a man that I have known for a very short time but time well worth it. Now as he goes away to basic training in less than a week I can only wish for more time for him to be around but we all know that wishing gets you nowhere as I know is truthful here. Just an all around great guy who I'm gonna miss for the time he is gone, especially while he can't talk to anyone. A man making a sacrifice by joining the army, a hero in the making.

John Gray; the animal eater. Maybe the best dancing that I've ever seen on a white guy in my life. The life of the party, maybe the funniest man alive too. First time I met him had a "J" shaved in his chest, wow. Qualifies for class clown but doesn't take away from the person that he is. Just one of those people that I own plenty of good times too, especially when I needed them the most.

As I sit out here and watch the wind blow through the flowers in my back yard I think about my future. The flowers have bloomed just as my life soon will. I'm about to go away to school, I'm about to do something with my life.

The life I have lived, as hard as it may have been, after I look at what it has come to at this point, I realize that it has been a damn good life. Through ups and downs I cant think of anything that is a legitimate complaint at this point. I somewhat want to have a girl in my life to share my current happiness with, because I'd really like some affection in my life but it's okay.

I think that right now is the best I have felt in a long time. I'm not broke, my friends are all here, i have a new car that I love, I don't have any problems that I can think of like drama or anything, life is just pretty good right now. Never perfect, but damn good. I just graduated with an honors diploma that I wasn't sure I was gonna get and I got a scholarship worth 104k, damn right I feel like I'm the man.

I feel like I'm a prime example of someone who has made it. I'm not done yet but I'm not turning back. I'll be the first Richey to go to college. If I can do it, I'm sure as hell not the only one.

Life will always be imperfect, remember that. But it's possible to have that perfect imperfection. In my mind I am living my life to the best of my abilities and it is the perfect state of mind for this life. If things continue to get better, maybe one day I'll be writing "This Perfect Life" but that day hasn't come yet.

Something in life will always be amiss and you gotta learn to accept that now so it doesn't keep your from being as happy as you can be. You can probably pick out plenty of things now that you would like to have different but honestly that doesn't matter if your happy. I'll think about this blog tomorrow and even if I feel like I did a good job, I'll notice something I left out, that's the way it is.

Just live your life as perfectly imperfect as you can, life is way too short to try to reach perfection. You'll die trying to get there. So if your happy, just hit the cruise control, there is no point in accelerating to the end of the road, it may be a dead end. Don't rush into the end of a good time, there is always days we wished last forever, but one life is much longer than one day.

A good life, will last a lifetime...

-->Alex Richey<--

(perfected)

Number 19: The Greatness of Self

2009-06-08T01:53:00.000-04:00

So I had a couple inspirations for today's lesson... This is about being great in your own way.

So I've been listening to a lot of Big Sean lately and he has a song on the mixtape UKNOWBIGSEAN titled "Say You Will" which is basically about getting his record deal, and getting his music out there. He doesn't want to be another rapper left on the shelf who was told by their label that they would make him big. In the song there is a line where he says "I don't mean to sound selfish, but I'm not an artist that's selfless..." This stuck out to me because this is some real shit. Music is this man's career and when almost nobody knows about him, it doesn't seem like his career is the best it can be.

We all want a promotion, a raise. We all start at the bottom of the totem pole and try to work our way up. It's ambition, it's natural. It's the invisible hand theory that everyone working together to be the best that they can be, will in turn improve everyone else. So why would we settle? Why be selfless?

Another inspiration for today's lesson is that ironically, when i walked into church today they were talkin' about stuff just like this. Maybe it was like somekind of sign, I then felt the need to talk about it.

Let's face some facts, most people in this world are selfish and ambitious, but there's nothing wrong with that. Think of all the great things we have in this world, your car, your t.v., the computer that you are reading this on at this very moment.. All created for pure ambition. Sure, the people resonsible for making them are doing us all great favors, but who benefits the most? They do! How many people drive that type of car, watch that type of t.v. or use that same computer? Thousands? Millions? And how many millions of dollars do you think they have because of that? This is the invisible hand theory, the company that created your most prized possessions benefitted just as much or more than you did on your purchase, or your parent's purchase of that product. Of course, you are happy and so are they, pushing each to do more.

Here's the relation to greatness. Think about your favorite athlete or necessarily the best.. Lets take LeBron James for example. Most of us think of him as the best basketball player in the world right now, some even consider him to be the best ever. Why do you think he's like that? Why do you think that when LBJ walks into a room, he is the man? Amition. Ambition is not necessarily just selfishness but it is very close. LeBron is the best because he wanted to be the best, and he had a little help in the gene pool of course. He could still be 6' 9" and sittin' at a desk, but he decided years ago that he wanted to be like Mike, maybe better. Here in a few years it won't be like Mike anymore, it will be "I wanna be like LeBron." Me calling him selfish and ambitious doesn't necessarily have to do with what he does on the court, the man has like 20 triple doubles (can i have one?!?!) but the reason he is "King James" is because he made the choice to persue that.

And Michael Jordan was the same way. Been retired nearly 10 years and he is still collecting greenbacks. As great as LeBron and Kobe are they shouldn't have to be compared to him. People are as great as they can be. Comparisons to the latter should all be set aside because who are we to judge the best someone can be? When someone is performing to their greatest ability then they are doing great at it, regardless it is the very best or not. But still, they are most likely doing it for themselves. Sometimes you hear about people putting their lives on the line, but it's very rare.

Sometimes this "living small" acquires great recognition. When you step down and help someone else rise up to be the best they can, sometimes credit is given where it is due, but that should not be the intention for the one receiving. Most cases of greatness that we see are cases of pure ambition or selfishness. Not necessarily saying it's a bad thing, just saying it's the way it is. It would be nice to see an anomaly every once in a while though.

Do you recall who is considered to be the greatest human being to ever live? The one man that people in this world strive to be like more than anyone else? The one person that can NEVER be duplicated, not even close? Still guessing???????? Does Jesus Christ ring a bell? Now don't go thinkin' "this guy done went all religious on us..." because that's not the case, I'm just stating a fact. This blog has nothing to do with my relgious views. I'm just saying.... There was never such a perfect person, and never will be. One man who lived without sin, we all sin everyday. Once again, there is nothing wrong with that! I'm just sayin'... This is reason for the LeBron/Kobe/Mike comparison... To each his own, because there is no real duplication, regardless as to how close one may come. But do we know why Jesus is considered to be the most perfect person ever? Do you realize that everything done was out of pure selflessness? Do you ever read the bible or listen to a lecture at church where it was talking about Jesus ever being selfish or ambitious? (Don't worry, I can received emails at anytime of the day)...

I'm not trying to make saints out of regular men and women, not trying to tell anyone to try to be like Jesus, just showing proof that it is possible to be great by being selfless.

There is nothing wrong with some selfishness, I will be the first to tell anyone that you have to love YOURSELF before you love another and have to make yourself happy before you do that for another.

We are not perfect, we are only human beings. Each and everyone of us selfish and selfless in our own way, but each and everyone of us capable of being great in our own way...

Shoutout to Mickey Callis because I'm pretty sure that regardless of whatever award is in store for you that army=selfless. 10 days left my dude, make them count. I'm definitely gonna miss you and my biggest regret of my senior year is not getting to know you sooner.

We each have one life to live, one life to do something great with it. LIFE IS SHORT. Don't miss out on your opportunity to be great in whatever way you may be doing it because regardless of being selfish or selfless, your not the only one affected.

-->Alex Richey<--

(Soon to be perfected)

Number 18: Singing With Passion

2009-05-31T02:11:00.000-04:00

Alright so it's late, I should probably go to sleep because I graduate in about 13 hours and I know I just wrote one like two days ago but I could not resist.

I just got home about an hour ago from the kenny chesney concert and from Ihop. Long ass day but pretty much awesome. But here I go rambling, to the point.

So there was several performers at the concert, the main focus being kenny chesney who had a kick ass performance. As good as it was, it was not the one that i thought was the best though. I'd never really been much of a fan of sugarland, the music isn't bad but I'm usually into that fun country and most of her music was always too serious. I realized how serious today. I'd never seen something done with so much passion as when she sang the song "stay". It was just amazing.

The girl sang her heart out, looked almost like she was close to crying, it gave me goosebumps. I just feel like that one song, maybe just the chorus to it made my day better on some real shit, just incredible. I just wonder how much better the world would be if everyone did things with as much passion and love as she put into this song. It makes me want to put passion and love into everything i do.

Kenny Chesney did a hell of a job too. He didn't have a song that stood out to me on a passionate level like she did but he did have a kick ass performance. I was really impressed when he continued his performance even through the rain, i dont think lil' wayne would do something like that. It just shows that he cares about what he is doing and wants to do the best job possible.

i feel like success changes people sometimes, I know it does. Not every performance was great tonight but some were and you can tell that the money did change these people. They are still doing it because they love it, not because it pays the bills as well. I dusted off Kanye's "graduation" this weekend. Not because I'm graduating today even though it may have helped but because it is such an amazingly passionate album. Everytime I play it, it just makes everything better and i feel like I need to be happy with all this uncertainty ahead of me.

You cant really see this in acting, the passion. Sometimes i guess so, but these people get paid to be fake so its just not the same. Music and writing is where the real passion is at. Sometimes sports as well but you can just see where some athletes get lazy because they get paid to play and get paid a shitton. I will admit though, some are deserving of it.

But here I am again just rambling about my opinions on who is passionate and who is not...

The lesson I have taken from tonight and hope to pass on to other people is that in everything you do, do it with passion. You may just rub off on another and they may just be somewhat more passionate in everything you do. Regardless if you are the best or most popular at what your are doing, you will be noticed for putting your heart into it. As unnoticed as you may feel, you are gonna have an impact on someone. Passion, like many other adverbs is contagious. If you put passion in to whatever you do, you have done your best, you can not be disappointed in yourself because your best is not as good as someone else's. You are not at fault for being the lesser, they are at fault for being the better. Someone is always better at something. That's the way it is and will always be and there is nothing wrong with that. Don't overlook that your better, can also make someone else better as well.

just remember: "your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your character, and your character defines who you are.."

think with passion, and become a passionate person

I hope this puts the passion into everything that ya'll do.

-->Alex Richey<--

(soon to be perfected)

Number 17: Epilogue of High School

2009-05-29T00:19:00.000-04:00

So it's a little after midnight, I still consider it thursday but technically it's friday. Here in just about seven hours or so I'll be waking up to walk into Clarksville High School for my very last day in there as a student, considering the next time I will be in there I will be graduating.

Yesterday(wednesday) I took my very last high school final exam ever and today(thursday), I sat in a high school classroom for the last time in my life as a student. It's funny how things are now that I look at them in a past perspective. Even though I had planned on writing this blog for a few days now the feeling of the reality of all this happening had not really hit me until about two hours ago.

I really didn't know what was going through my mind but it just seemed to be an undeniable nervousness. I know exactly what to expect of what I'm about to go through this weekend but earlier tonight I spent about 30 minutes feeling scared. However, in my mind I was not, just my body was reacting in that way. I couldn't stop shaking, I don't know why. It was an involuntary action, like a shiver but I wasn't cold, no goosebumps. Maybe it was bringing all that stuff home from school today, the locker that had been mine for the entirety of my senior year, now empty with only the words "Alex Jordan Richey Class of 2009" written in it. So unreal...

I've stopped the nervous shakings but I still feel the urge of convulsions... some what like a cold chill but not so much. I'll be fine in the morning, it's just weird to think about it; "It's all over". When it comes tournament time in sports you hear things like "time to leave it all on the field/court" well now it's time to leave it all in the school. Everything we have done up to this point is no longer relevant up until the point we graduate. It's time to grow up and no longer worry about the drama we went through, the sports we played, the trouble we got in, the grades we made.. Unless of course these are things that you HAVE to take with you, like perhaps your playin a college sport or your still with your high school sweetheart. Goodluck with that one coming out of my school though.

I've been doing a lot of thinking (uh oh), about how I'm going to take this, how others will do the same, what to write in this blog and what to call it. Also, a way to relate this situation that we are going through to something simple and easy to explain. This took a lot of thinking but I'm good at that so I'm pretty satisfied with what I came up with.

High school is not a chapter of your life, don't make the mistake of thinking so. How many good books are actually just good books? Umm zero except for a very select few, they are all good series. Think about Harry Potter, the Series of Unfortunate Events, the Ender's Game books, all great series' and I'm sure there is more I'm leaving out. Here's how I'm relating it to life... High school is a book in the series of life, not a chapter in the book of it. Life is way too long of a story for high school to be a chapter, or even four chapters, it's a story in itself. This is why I named this "epilogue". An epilogue is a concluding part added to a literary work, usually a novel(dictionary.com). High school is about over, we will soon be closing the book so and these are the final pages of it.

For me it's been a pretty good book. Full of ups and downs just as anyones' would be but what's not to expect? At the end of the day, the protagonist comes out on top, just as I am about to do. Tomorrow I'll be recieving a scholarship that is worth about an estimated $26,000 a year for four years. Hell yes I mean that. That's just one, I'm getting more money as well. Also, I found out wednesday that I'll be recieving an academic honors diploma which I wasn't completely confident that I would do but I did it.

Anyone writing a review on it I'm sure would be satisfied with what they read and would have plenty to write about in the review. I'm not feeling an autobiography of high school though so that probably won't happen lol...

It's just crazy to think about how I look back and I remember the last day of highschool my freshman year pretty well. I don't remember my finals or really the order of my classes but I could tell you exactly what I wore, I could tell you exactly what I did after school. Me and Mike hung out about an hour afterwards waiting on a ride because it was about 94 degrees outside and we wasn't down to walk to his crib. We hung out it the cafeteria on the steps for a while and hung out in Ms. Badger's room who I didn't even personally know at the time but has come to be one of the most influencial people I have ever met. Man, I really miss those days, miss being best friends with mike but still today despite all the time we don't spend together, when we talk we still act like brothers. Today on my last day of school me and him skipped third period together and went and sat on the steps of the cafeteria, just like we did our freshman year on the last day and just talked and reminisced about it all... We were both kind of just caught off gaurd at how fast it has all came and went...

Congradulations Class of 2009, all of us.

I just have one question,

How good was your book?

-->Alex Richey<--

Number 16: The Countdown.

2009-05-03T02:20:00.000-04:00

So as of just a few days ago I am officially a University of Evansville student. Putting in that deposit and filling out that form was just like a huge relief, a just lift off my chest because it has been stessful getting to this point, becoming official. Feels very liberating.

But at the same time it's just an empty feeling.

I'm sure I can relate it to what my 18th birthday is gonna feel like here in a couple of weeks since there will be no real advantages to me turning 18, except the club I guess (wowee)... What I'm sayin is I don't feel any different, I haven't actually moved in yet and I still have like 3.5 months so I'm sure it will hit me right around then.

You figure I would just be overjoyed but I'm far from that. I find trouble being happy nowadays with this feeling of dramatic change creeping up on me. I can't even remember the last time I was really happy, I don't really remember a time being extremely sad either it's just been all empty, emotionless. It's just reality having trouble setting in, and I'm not living in a dream world because this is not the way I want to necessarily be feeling.

When I first decided I wanted to attend UE all I could think about is the positives. The getting out on my own, the make my own rules, be my own person, take on some responsibility, COLLEGE lol, all that good stuff... Now that reality is starting to set in, not entirely but some is surely, I'm starting to realize negatives at the same time. There is not enough negative to make me change my mind but it has given me many nights of little sleep because of the constant consideration of what I will be missing. And then the actual realization....

I'm scared.

Is that so wrong? And it's not the scared of going, but the scare of leaving.. Know what I mean? I'm totally stoked to go to UE but I'm not totally stoked about leaving home anymore, not like I used to be.

Oh mann, I couldn't wait to get out of here, it was all I could think about of talk about. I was getting so sick of this place. I didn't think to stop and realize that I actually love it a lot. It's just some of the people I don't like being around. I see too much failure and I can't stand being surrounded by it anymore and I just wanted to get away.

Then I get to thinkin bout some of the things I'm gonna miss, the things that keep me up at night.

Well, its mainly the people of course. Like, I havent done a lot this year since my crew all went away to college so i just kinda laid low but I still do a little here and there and of course I have some friends. It's mainly the people that I hang out with the least, my graduating class. I really don't hang out with many of these people anymore but when I think about these are the people that I have been going to school with for up to 12 years now and that stops at the end of this year. Some of them, like Ty I have known all my life pretty much and we prolly won't talk a whole lot after graduation because we are going separate ways. It's kinda a harsh realization but it's reality, things like that happen and there's not much of anything to be done bout it, not really any point of trying either. Some of the other people I'm graduating with this year though, like the ones I hang out with if I'm ever with clarksville people. I realize that I've been trying to get closer to these people because I notice that this is our last year together so it's almost like a waste of time. I probably won't talk to many of them after June 1st. Growin up is a killer, and I'm at death's door.

Of course its not just high school it's always much more on my mind.

I think about one of my best friends, haven't even known him for a year but michael chrisman is my dude. Well he's a junior, he's still in high school after this year, whats gonna come of us? I mean I'm sure he'll make it up to Evansville occasionally like I did for brandon cuz thats what homies do. I'm sure I have nothing to worry bout but its just one of the many things I consider.

Then there is family, not so much my mom or dad because that's unconditional but my two closest cousins in particular. I miss Mckenna everyday with her being at western and we usually spend time together when she comes home but what about when I go to college too? What about when we both get out of college and we're adults with jobs? I don't know of many cousins that hang out a lot as adults and the thought kinda scares me.

And not to forget to secoy. We've gotten to be much closer as cousins lately and I don't want that to stop. That's one thing I have always wanted is to be closer to my family and now it's happening, I don't want that to be taken away. Hopefully because we are family, we can stick together. It's probably something I really don't need to worry about but at the same time I do. And through her I have all these great new friends that my friendship with them will be short lived because the majority of us are graduating and going on to do different things.

There's just so much that I realize that I could be missing when I go away, and even when I do come back, I could possibly forget these people, or be the forgotten one. We all want our friendships to last forever but people get weeded out by life. It's involuntary, you don't want it to happen but it does, and there is nothing you can to about that. You start to see what's necessary, what's actually important and you don't even notice that your doing it, your involuntary conscience does it for you. Just weeds them right out...

It starts to hit you, the things that your gonna miss. Your family of course and the relationships that you may have with people, may they be ones of significance or just friendships, I know that I'm missing out on both. You gotta make the right choice though and UE is the one for me. I mean I'm sure I could keep a relationship together over the distance but it takes two to do that. It's okay though, prolly won't be missing too much if they were too scared to try, but ya never know how something will go if ya never give it the chance to happen right?

I guess I should go ahead and get started on my goodbye's, because they actually will be goodbye's. Only a few "see ya soon's"... I'm gonna miss ya'll.

-->Alex Richey<--

Number 15: Derby Festival Classic Wrap Up

2009-04-12T00:41:00.000-04:00

Ok so I love to write about whats on my mind, usually some stuff that everybody can enjoy or learn something from reading but sadly I have kind of been away from that as of late. It's just that I have a lot going on at the moment just like every highschool senior does and it's hard to focus and put the time into these things that definitely take time. So it's another hiatus for the amazing blogs of Alex Richey (sad face) but it's gonna be alright, I'll be back doin' my thing before too long.

Something that I can easily thing of though is the Derby Festival Classic that I attended this weekend so I figured I might as well opine what I think about the local college stars for next year that were part of the festivities.

Of course being a cards fan, they come first. So I really love the passion that Peyton Siva has for his future team, it's like this guy cannot wait to come and play for Pitino and he makes sure tha everyone knows it. He came out during the introductions with a Cards flag wrapped around his shoulders, throwin' up the L's and went to the center court to kiss the bird, classic material. He also let his skill do the talking. He had a great performance in the game, and the 5' 11" point guard gets higher than anyone else in the event I'm sure. He didn't force anything, played like a point guard should with distributing the ball without a problem and playing good perimeter defense. He also did not shy away from taking it in on a bigger defender or pullin' up with a man in his face. Very impressive and fun to watch, and the UK fans didn't like him showing up Jon Hood or getting to the rim over Orton either lol. He is a crowd pleaser with his style and pregame antics but didn't let that get in the way of his game. If I was to compare his style of play to another it would plobably be Deron Williams of the Jazz. True point guard but can also score without a problem and I leader on the floor. Nice guy too, I was getting the players autographs after the player showcase at Bellarmine Friday and I started talkin' to him. I said "Man I feel like a goon for gettin' your autograph, I'm graduating with you this year." We was laughing about it but he shook my hand and said "Naw you cool man, Lance Stephenson got one too." I thought that line was hilarious...

Most people haven't heard of Mike Marra probably unless they went to see the event. Pitino calls him the best shooter he's ever recruited and he probably wasn't lying. Pitino knows his basketball that's for sure. Marra is a goofy looking white dude out of Rhode Island that has a thing for gettin' hot on the perimeter, and showed by winning the dunk contest that he is not the average white boy. When I say goofy I mean skinny, fo-hawk, crooked nose, and covered in tattoos. Just think of him as a skinny, tall, athletic version of Eric Devendorf. He's not as big headed as Devendorf either. Took him a minute to hit a three in the shootout but after he hit that first one it just seemed to go on forever. I had fun talkin' to this guy too, he made fun of one of the non-louisville recruits because me and Michael had him sign the "Louisville" paper while all the other guys had to sign a different one. He was also talkin' to me bout his tattoos, I kinda have a feeling he might regret the clown in a straight jacket that covers his whole right are basically one day lol. I'm sure he will come off the bench his first two years or maybe just one but he will definitely make an impact with his shooting since they will have an actual pure shooter now.

Rakeem Buckles did some major work in the 3rd quarter tonight. I think he had 15 in the 3rd alone to bring the black team back in the game. It's like Earl Clark never left UofL though because this guy plays just like him, without forcing it. He has the height at 6' 8" but he needs to gain some weight that's for sure. He showed his inside game and pulled up for some threes, and un-characteristicly of Earl Clark, hit almost all of them. He looks like he belongs outside like the nba guards do. This guy is definitely fun to watch with his game that is adept for every area of the court, if he can just gain some strength so he can easily post up the true big men then he will be a dominant force of nature.

Stephen Van Reese is the last of the new Cardinals and even though he not so much the potential nba players that Siva and Buckles are and maybe Marra, he is going to be a great college basketball forward before he graduates. He is not overly tall but isn't a little guy either. He looks a lot like Tyler Hansbrough did when he was a senior in highschool and plays like him too. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not sayin the guy is gonna be national player of the year when he is a junior but he did have to practice against Greg Oden his freshman year of high school, no easy task. To me it looked as if he played harder than anyone on the court, knocked down outside shots when open, and got every board that came his way. I thought he looked more like a tight end because he wasn't huge but he was big at the same time, he's the kind that just can't be blocked out. Offensive rebounds mean 2nd chance points which are the big killers to teams in the 2nd half.

All the future Cards started together for the black team and the black team outplayed the gold during that first quarter but when the started taking them out and spreading their minutes the gold started to win. It got close again in the end with Buckles sparking a comeback but I don't think they ever had the lead again but I left before it was over.

The Wildcat fans are very dedicated that's forsure. I don't have a problem with them but I believe that many of them are just so obsessed with UK that they think everyone sucks, they are so arrogant about that school. They turned out well for the event but I speak the truth when I say both the UofL and IU players overall outplayed the UK players.

Jon Hood got a big ovation when he came in and I really don't know why. Dude is not good really. He really shouldn't be playing for an SEC team, he is more of a big10 style guy. Well he can shoot but out of all the white guys that played he shot the worst that's for sure. He is about 6' 7" skinny white guard. He was Mr. Basketball in Kentucky but that wasn't necessarily a hard task this year. Don't get me wrong, dude can play but not in the SEC. UK fans seem to think he is the next Tyler Singler or something, who isn't that good either but Hood isn't even as good as him. That's a good comparison, Tyler Singler but not as good lol.

Now they was really loving Orton when he came in. This guy actually can play but once again the UK fans seem like he is God just because they actually got a respectable big man coming in. If he got a dunk or blocked a shot the boys in blue went nuts but they must not have realized that he was by far the biggest man on the court. I mean, Siva threw it down just as hard and he is a foot shorter than Orton. But nonetheless he was impressive, definitely played like a big man should. Had some low post moves, a lot like this other guy that plays in that state... Oh yeah, Samardo Samuels. Orton just finishes a little stronger but he is bigger. Better enjoy him cats fans because he will be on the stage of the NBA draft before he graduates with that new coach ya'll got.

UK better get off John Wall's jock and get this Bledsoe kid. He did his thing in the game even though he had to team up with the UofL guys. He's not as good as Siva but that's okay considering Siva is a beast. Can't really think of a comparison but Sherron Collins comes to mind. He is a floor general at the pg spot and can get hot from outside while still distibuting like he should and occasionally getting to the rim. They better not wait on him, if they continue to go after Wall they are gonna miss out on both.

We can officially say that IU will definitely have a better season than that of last year. They had three in the game but I only really paid attention to two of them. These guys won't necessarily turn it around themselves but they are going to be a good contribution to Coach Crean thats for sure.

I watched Jordan Hulls tear up New Albany High School in the regional semi-final this year with is ability to shoot and distribute. He brought all that along with him tonight, especially showing it by winning the 3-point shoot out. In all honesty at first glance he did not look like he belonged out there. He looked like he was a boy amongst men, mainly because he actually looked younger than the rest but he showed by his play that he belonged. He did not fear anyone on that court, actually looked like he shook Siva up a bit on one possession. He is going to fit great in the big10 style of play with team basketball. The most obvious comparrison is Robbie Hummel of Purdue, without the broken back lol.

The other player I kept my eyes on that will be a Hoosier next year was Maurice Creek. This guy was a freak on the perimeter tonight. Knocked down several 3's with the D draped over him. We're looking at possible big10 freshman of the year with this guy. Of course that wasn't all he did because he got the the rim as well and took the ball from the other team on mumerous occasions. Even hooked Jon Hood up on an alley-oop pass off the backboard on one fast break, pretty shameful of an IU guy but entertaining nonetheless. This guy is one I'm having difficulty finding someone to compare to, I would say Johnny Flynn but that's probably only because he wore a headband lol. If it was Johnny Flynn just imagine him staying on the outside a little bit more often, yeah that sounds about right. I might have to catch some IU games this year with these two in the backcourt. Michigan State is still my squad in the big10 but I was raised an IU fan so I'm always happy to see them do well.

All I can really say is that I don't think this game really meant much of anything to the upcoming season because the college game is a whole other step up from highschool but perhaps they will all play this well when it comes to matching up with other freshmen. The UofL Uk game will be just as entertaining as last year if not more but I still have to give the edge to the Cards because they will match up easily and have more experience, not just being led by three freshmen. UK I'm sure will beat IU again but the hoosiers are on a rise and will not be on the bottom for long.

That's my opinion you can hate if you want to but I'm usually right about things like this, well I'm usually right about everything lol. College basketball never gets boring to me and I think my team won't miss a beat from this past season, can't wait until the '09-'10 season starts!

Number 14: Men vs. Women (An Academic Remix)

2009-04-12T00:16:00.000-04:00

It seems that my life is consumed by relationships. My own relationships, the counseling that I may provide for others, all the pointless relationships, or relationship drama that I hear everyday. I mean this is something we can all relate to I'm sure. What would life be like without the drama of relationships? It gives us all something to talk about. And one thing that prevents many relationships from working is because so many people assume the typical. Know what I'm talking about?

Try this on for size...

Ladies, think of a guy, not your dream guy, just your typical guy. What do you think of? Is he a player? Is he a cheater? Are all of his words nothing but lies and all he wants to do is get in your pants? What is the word you use for a guy whenever you hear about one of your friends getting cheated on or played? Maybe even yourself? He is just a typical guy right? Right.

And guys, same thing, think of the typical girl. This is probably a bit more difficult, because of another problem with us, and I use "us" loosely because I'm not like the rest of the pack. The typical girl, lets see, guys are most likely to say that she is possessive, very controlling, always thinks that she doesn't make you happy enough? And she always seems to think that there is another girl? Does she jump to conclusions? Does she think that the only thing on your mind 99.9% of the time is sex? With her or even some other girl? I'm not even talking about girlfriends necessarily here but you can factor that in as well.

Here's the stone cold truth about both sexes, the typical is not the ideal. That's obvious to all of us I'm sure, and some that may seem typical to one may or may not seem that way to another. That's just the way it is, some people bring out different sides of others. That's the one you want to find, the one you are willing to change for. Not so much change who you are but to improve yourself, because you feel improved just being with that person. Ya know, that one who makes you feel beautiful or handsome, even if you look like crap. We all look that way some days…

Being a guy of course I have to give my discussion on females first.

There is a lot about the typical girl that guys have problems with. It's difficult to pick somewhere to begin. Well, females, I'll start with ya'll thinking way too much about too much stuff. When you get to thinking, and with nothing to interrupt your thinking, you get to thinking about all the wrong things, and start assuming all the wrong things as well. Assumptions get relationships, those between significant others and those between just about anybody else, nowhere. I'm sure everyone has experienced a situation like that. Like why do ya'll always think your man is cheating on you? He might be a good guy, you just think he is typical because that is what you’re used to dealing with and once you get an upgrade you don't know what to do with it right? Don’t let your all powerful “woman’s intuition” get in the way of something that could be great. Why do so many of you typical girls think that ya'll are in full control of your man? You think just because you date a typical dude that he is only going to bow down because of what is between your legs. He may actually want to make you happy on an emotional level, but no, you’re too typical to notice that. Once again, that woman’s intuition gets in the way.

What is up with so many of these typical girls jumping to ridiculous conclusions? Why do ya'll think that just because the guy is hanging out in the presence of other females that he is just going to be typical and do whatever he can to get some? Most females would be amazed to find out that sex is not the only thing on the top of every guys mind. But no, you women are just too typical and naive to find that possible. Yes, these other typical females are going to want your man for the simple fact that most typical women are cold-blooded and want to turn them into typical men and make them cheaters. What is it with females? I’m sure that Satan was one.

And tell me something... Why do all you females love you some guys that are going to treat you like you are nothing to him? Why would you want a man that does not treat you right, whatsoever? I hear about girls saying that all dudes are the same but all the dudes they date are nobodies. The girls want to blame it on every other guy because they chose to date one who isn’t worth anyone’s time.

That's another thing that has just never made sense to me. As I quote the hilarious Chris Rock from his stand up show "Never Scared". "You would think that women would rule the world, but they don't, they don't! You know why? 'Cause women hate women. Women hate women! You do!"

That right there is some real talk. Because most of the time, women really do have power over their man, if they just learned to work together, we might have a world ran by women. But no, you girls just can't get along for anything! It's always something with girls and it really is the most typical characteristic about them. There isn't one girl who doesn't have some kind of dirt on everyone of their so called "friends" and just can't wait to spread the gossip to someone else. I'm pretty sure that all females do it, no matter how "drama-free" they claim to be, those are the ones that are usually saying things about other ones. I’ve never seen so many people be “besties” one day then worst enemies the next, it's like one of those couples that keep breaking up and get back together and everyone is just tired of that rerun. And somehow, each of those girls when giving their story as to why they are mad at their best friend, make it sound like the other girl was the stupid one with stupid drama. Ha, females kill me!

Okay, okay... I think I'm done. Well actually I could go on about that stuff for a long time but I'm not going to do that. I might just be giving females another reason to hate males, and I wouldn’t want to do that.

I'm sorry ladies but someone had to do it. Might as well of been me. But I can't go and say all these things about females, well typical females and not say anything about typical males. I despise them just as much as the typical females. And let me just say that I can't stand the effect that typical guys have on girls, it gives guys like me, and others a bad name just because I have a penis. Some guys really do think with the bigger head, honestly. I can't count the amount of times I have heard a girl say that "all guys are the same" and I'm like "naw, you never dated a guy like me." It's not a pick up line it's just a line of honesty, it’s just the way it is.

We guys say that the typical girl thinks way too much (as stated above). I will back up this conviction 100% but the reason we think this is because the typical guy doesn't think nearly enough. This may very well be the reason that I am stating so many things wrong with females. It is not necessarily the females’ fault, it is very possible that typical guys are to blame. This is most likely the reason that females think that all guys are typical. The reason that a lot of girls get cheated on or played. I don't speak on behalf of all guys here because I don't have this problem, but I am a guy so I do know how it works. Guys don't consider the consequences their actions may lead to, sometimes they just don't care. I'm too nice of a guy, I don't think I could cheat on a girl and lie to her face about it; I guess I just care too much. Sorry for being different. I mean, not being typical.

I don't see why the typical guys have to have multiple options on females as well. I mean, it makes sense at first because I can understand trying to figure who you want, but some of ya'll just keep them around too long. That's what gets guys called players. The typical guys get all of the other guys deemed to be players and pigs and whatever words that females may create to describe the males they hate so much.

In all honesty, coming from a man, I very strongly believe that all of the problems with typical females are the consequence of actions by the typical males. If there were no examples of the men who females believe that all men are like, then those females would not be the way they are. We men are the ones to blame. Not necessarily we, but those men are to blame. It is true, they do exist, but so do the really good ones who will climb to the top of the tree to pick the good apple, because girls are like apples, the best ones are up top, and the hardest to get to.

The typical guys hurt the chances for the good ones. If we did not have typical guys then we may not have the typical girls. The only question that can be asked of the males is “why?” and a question cannot be asked of the females, only a statement of “don’t think all men are alike”, because they’re not, and not are girls are typical. There are millions of “typical” guys and girls, and not one “perfect” guy or girl. True, no one is perfect, but it is possible to find the perfect one for you.

Number 13: Men Vs. Women

2009-02-28T01:38:00.001-05:00

**NOTE TO READER**

In no way, shape, or form is this blog directed to any specific person or persons. Just because the fact that you may find yourself tagged in this blog on facebook does not mean that I am specifically calling you out. It is just a tag to attract readers. Enjoy.

**END NOTE**

So it seems that my life is consumed by relationships. My own relationships, the counseling that I may provide for another, or all the unnecessary bullsh*t relationships, or relationship bullsh*t that I hear everyday. I mean this is something we can all relate to I'm sure. What would life be like without the drama of relationships? It gives us all something to talk about. And one thing that prevents many relationships from not working is because so many people assume the typical. Know what I'm talking about?

Try this on for size...

Ladies, when you think of a guy, not your dream guy, just your typical guy. What do you think of? Is he a player? Is he a cheater? Is all of his words bullsh*t and all he wants to do is get in your pants? What is the the word you use for a guy whenever you here about one of your friends gettin' cheated on or played? Even yourself? He is just a typical guy right? Right.

And guys, same thing. Think of the typical girl. This is probably a little bit more difficult, because of another problem with us, and I use "us" loosely because I'm not like the rest of the pack. But that's off topic, the typical girl. Lets see... Guys are most likely to say that she is possessive, very controlling, always thinks that she doesn't make you happy enough? And she always seems to think that there is another girl? Does she jump to conclusions? Does she think that the only thing on your mind 99.9% of the time is sex? With her or even some other girl? I'm not even talkin' bout girlfriends necessarily here but you can factor that in as well.

Here's the stone cold truth about both sexes... The typical is not the ideal. That's obvious to all of us I'm sure, and some that may seem typical to one may or may not seem that way to another. That's just the way it is, some people bring out different sides of others. That's the one you want to find, the one your willing to change for. Not so much change who you are but to improve yourself, because you feel improved just being with that person. Ya know... that one who makes you feel beautiful or handsome, even if you look like sh*t. We all look that way some days lmwhiteao.

Being a guy of course I have to go in on females first...

There is a lot about the typical girl that guys have problems with. It's difficult to pick somewhere to begin lmwhiteao... Well, females.. I'll start with ya'll thinking too damn much about too much stuff. When you get to thinking, and with nothing to interrupt your thinking, you get to thinking about all the wrong things, and start assuming all the wrong things as well. Do you know what happens when you assume? You make an ass out of u and me. I'm sure we've all heard that one, or experienced the situation. Like why do ya'll always think your man is cheating on you? He might be a good dude, you just think he is typical because that is what your used to dealing with and once you get an upgrade you don't know what to do with it right? Tsk tsk, typical girls.

Why do so many of you typical girls think that ya'll are in full control of your man? You think just because you date a typical dude that he is only gonna bow down becuase of what is between your legs. He may actually wanna make you happy on an emotional level, but no your too typical to notice that. Tsk tsk, typical girls.

What is up with so many of these typical girls jumping to rediculous conclusions? Why do ya'll think that just because the guy is hanging out in the presence of other females that he is just gonna be typical and do whatever he can to get some? Ya'll would be amazed to find out that sex is not the only thing on the top of every guys mind. But no, you women are just too typical and naive to find that possible. Yes, these other typical females are gonna want your man for the simple fact that most typical women are cold-blooded and want to turn them into typical men and make them cheaters. What is it with females? Tsk tsk, typical girls.

And tell me something... Why do all you females love you some "ain't sh*t nigg@$?" The definition of a dude that don't treat you right, whatsoever. I hear about girls saying that all dudes are the same but all the dudes they date are wack. They wanna blame it on everyother guy because they chose one who ain't sh*t. Tsk tsk, typical girls.

That's another thing that has just never made sense to me. As I quote the hilarious Chris Rock from his stand up show "Never Scared". "You would think that women would rule the world, but they don't, they don't! You know why? 'Cause women hate women. Women hate women! You do!"

That right there is some real talk. Because most of the time, women really do have power over their man, if they just learned to work together, we might have a world ran by women. But no, ya'll b*tches just can't get along for sh*t lmwhiteao. It's always something with girls and it really is the most typical characteristic about them. There isn't one girl who doesn't have some kind of dirt on everyone of their so called "friends" and just can't wait to spread the gossip to someone else. I'm pretty sure that all females do it, no matter how "drama-free" they claim to be, sh*t those are the ones that are usually sayin' sh*t about other ones. I never see so many people be besties one day then worst enemies the next, it's like one of those couples that keep breaking up and get back together and everyone is just tired of that rerun. And somehow, each of those girls when giving their story as to why they are mad at their best friend, make it sound like the other girl was the stupid b*tch with stupid drama. Females kill me lmwhiteao. Tsk tsk, typical girls.

Okay okay... I think I'm done. Well actually I could go on about that stuff for a long time but I'm not gonna. It wouldn't do any good to make all these females hate me lmwhiteao.

I'm sorry ladies but someone had to do it. Might as well of been me. But I can't go and talk all this sh*t about females, well typical females and not say anything about typical males. I despise them just as much as the females. And let me just say that I can't stand the effect that typical guys have on girls, it gives guys like me a bad name just because I have a penis. Some people really do think with the bigger head. I can't count the amount of times I have heard a girl say that "all guys are the same" and I'm like "naw you never dated a guy like me." It's not a pick up line it's just a line of honesty.

We guys say that the typical girl thinks way too much (as stated above). I will back up this conviction 127% but the reason we think this is becuase the typical guy doesn't think nearly enough.

This is most likely the reason that females think that all guys are typical. The reason that a lot of girls get cheated on or played. I don't speak on behalf of all guys here because I don't have this problem, but I am a guy so I do know how it works. Guys don't consider the consiquences of what their actions may lead to, sometimes they just don't care. I'm too nice of a guy, I don't think I could cheat on a girl and lie to her face about it, I guess I just care too much. Sorry for being different, I mean not being typical.

I don't see why the typical guys have to have multiple options on females as well. I mean, it makes sense at first because I can understand trying to figure who you want, but some of ya'll just keep them around too long. That's what gets guys called players. The typical guys get all of the other guys assumed to be players and pigs and whatever else.

You typical guys please do the guys like me a favor and stick to the typical girls. Quit hurting all the good ones and turning them to typical and ruining the chances for someone better than yourself.

There you have it, let me hear it.

-->Alex Richey<--

Number 12: Hiatus Vents

2009-02-16T23:03:00.000-05:00

"To be great is to be misunderstood." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

When you read this do you think of yourself? I sure do. When I read this quote I feel like he wrote that sh*t for me (even though Emerson died in 1882 lmwhiteao). I read a lot of those mindblowing quotes or hear some mindblowing music that I feel like I can relate to and feel like that sh*t was written for me, not everybody but me and people like me (good luck finding those people). Thing is, I don't think I know that I'm great. I also know that I am highly misunderstood. This is why I blog. This is why I don't just speak this sh*t to people. If you take the time to read then you are worthy to see and hear my greatness. I don't write blogs for just everyone to see even though I do publically post them. I write them in hope that there is someone who is somewhat like me, because I write for nobody but myself. I write things that I would like to read in hope that there is somewhat who is the slightest bit like me. I know that there is no other me, but I don't believe that I'm alone here. Well I know I'm not, but those people who are on my mindstate are few and far between.

Only a few people would recognoize the "swagger jacking" of my blog title for number 12. "Hiatus Vents" is an idea I stole from my favorite artist Charles Hamilton. No, he does not have a song titled "Hiatus Vents" but he has a few songs that have the word "vents" in the title. Dude is responsible for a lot I blog about because that music gives me a lift to do these things when I need to. You should really check him out.

This is me, being gone from my blogging for a few weeks. I know that I have not been missed much because of the small number of people that are on my mindstate (my readers). Therefore, I don't get read much. I could talk so much shit about so many people and no one would ever know because so many are missing out on this sh*t. Well I have finally got back to the keyboard, returned from my hiatus, and now I get to vent. I've needed to very much.

These past few weeks have definitely been terrible. Giving me the real definition or senioritis. All this work in school, all this work in work. All this stress. Sh*t, I feel blessed to even feel this stress. Atleast I know I'm human. I know what it's like to be on top of the world and I know what it's like to be on the bottom. It doesn't take much to move you from one to the other.

Everything that has gone on in these past weeks temporarily changed who I am. As stupid as that sounds, it's true. I was not me. I might have seemed like it on the outside, but I was totally different in my head. I'm back now, hopefully not temporarily but I am back nonetheless.

I was like an emotionless zombie lmwhiteao... I didn't care about anything. It was like that episode of Spongebob where Squidward is trying to impress his old college buddy or whatever so they turn the Krusty Krab into a five-star restaurant. So Squidward tells Spongebob to unlearn everything except breathing and fine dining. Well I felt like I forgot everything except breathing, Texas Roadhouse, William Shakespeare and Diego Rivera lmwhiteao. The two people that my two research papers were over. Those papers are mostly done now so I have come back to Earth. I'm still feeling the stress though, just not so heavily.

But it seems like it never stops! There is no end to misery!

I have to tackle these papers with also worrying about my other classes, working of course, and going through the fear of thinking that the marriage of my dad and my step-mom are is in jepordy. Well I am past that big one now, everything is better now (or so it seems) so i can relax. It was just another thing that brought me down, temporaily killed my soul that was already suffering from not being able to handle everything else.

So my soul had to escape... I turned into that zombie. Of course nobody would know that but me, and I'm sure that my readers have trouble understanding what I'm saying, but I was not the same person.

I'm sorry.. I can't help it that I'm weird... I can't help that you don't share my mindstate. I can't help that you don't understand, but that's what makes me great.

So I was just recently informed that my job is in jepordy. Are we serious? This is something that just helped to bring me back to me as well, I needed some strong raw emotion to give me that "smelling salt" sensation. Wake me up a little bit. I just don't see why I have to worry about my job security when I put a lot into that place. I'm not saying I'm the best but I'm a hell of a lot better than a lot of people. It just pisses me off when people don't realize a good thing when they got it, but oh well. If they keep me then they keep me. If not, I'm not gonna be working there for the rest of my life anyways. I have bigger plans than telling people about "fall of the bone ribs, hearty hand cut steaks, made from scratch sides, and fresh baked bread" for the rest of my working life. I could go on about this sh*t for an entire blog itself but then I would have to call it "Roadhouse Vents" wouldn't I? Lmwhiteao...

I'm just a little pissed off because all this is adding up, school, work and family. I'm currently two-weeks behind on my best friend's birthday present because I have no time to make it. I'm trying to do something special and I have never felt so restricted ever.

So Valentine's Day was a couple days ago. I spent it working of course, had to get that money. And I actually had a Valentine. I made a girl that I like a card that said "will you be my valentine?" and she said yes lmwhiteao.. Pretty sweet I know :) But I didn't really spend anytime with her, nor have a been lately. Just another restriction of the responsibilities that I have to uphold at the moment. I feel like if I had a girlfriend that truely made me happy at the moment that I wouldn't have all this stress. And no I'm not talking about being able to have sex when I want to I'm talking about having a person around that really cares around to talk to whenever I want to. Just makes me feel better. I won't just date any girl though obviously, I'm picky. Not like I have to have a women in my life to make me feel good about myself, never that. It's just that having someone around who likes having you around, someone that you can make happy by just being there, that's what I'm talkin' about. That's the kinda person I want around to make me feel good. I'm sure she could, but we're not there yet. I'm not one to rush things... anymore lmwhiteao.

I'm getting back to me steadily. Trying to get back to writing those kick-as$blogs. This is just a venting session.

While I've been away from the desktop so much has built up in my head. I wish I could write music like my nigga Brandon.. I can write a blog but I just wish I had the talent to express myself in song. It's so much easier to get people to listen when it's good. Even though so many people love fake as$ music. It's terrible.

Maybe being a nobody helps, because nobody feels the way that I felt. Or nobody feels the way that I feel because nobody can. When I blog it makes me feel so many emotions because I sit and reflect on everything. It brings back memories of doing this, the good and the bad. It's like I'm on the permanent feeling of my life is about to be over because I can always sit back and reflect, see my life flash before my eyes. Well it doesn't just flash, I get to catch it all.

Take a break, just a smile. It's all a dream, it's all a dream...

Every part of right now will just be a memory eventually, that's what we all need to realize. Yeah our decisions now will affect our future but that is what will be cause for the memories.

I've been Alex Richey since before my time, I feel like the world had to prepare for me. I've came from nothing to something and I keep gaining. Woke up one moring and decided that I wasn't gonna be judged anymore, wasn't gonna feel anymore pain. Just realized one day that there is no one above me. If you can read this and comprehend how I feel then we might just be equals. Just maybe...

I'm just on my emotional sh*t... Getting back on the keyboard is the cause for my hiatus vents. I missed being me. Hate dedicating my life at the time to something that isn't making me happy. School, an overload of it duh..

I've told you about me so how bout you vent back...

This is me, signing out.

"Apart of me believes I have a heart that doesn't beat..." -Charles Hamilton (Starchasers)

-->Alex Richey<--

Number 11: The Things That Keep Me Going

2009-01-28T02:43:00.000-05:00

So I don't know exactly how many people read my blogs. I get views on blogspot, I get views on Facebook, and I get views on Myspace as well. The only place where I can tell how many people read and it actually matters is myspace because nobody uses a blogspot really, but I don't really get on myspace too much to care any more...

But what I do know is that I do have some readers. Not as many as I would like probably, but some is better than none. It really drives me up a wall whenever I see that someone has viewed it but didn't comment. I really want to know what people think of my writing. I think people open up the page and get scared to read it by the look of how long it may be. Oh well... Their loss...

But sometimes people do tell me what they think, and I don't get negative responses. If I did, I would fix where I don't do so well, or just stop writing all together, but that's not a problem.

Recently a friend of mine that I work with was telling me about how she read my blog entitled "My Intervention" and told me that it inspired her to quit smoking. As simple as this is it really did give me a lift. The blog was something I wrote for me, talking about how I plan to better myself, and I inspired someone to better themselves. Not that I see anything wrong with smoking or have a problem with it, I just think it's a bad habit and find it unattractive. Especially on girls. And I know that it is very hard to give up on, kudos to you people who do.

What I got from this is that I am actually making an impact on someone who reads what I write, and even though it's only one person that has told me about how I helped them better themselves, it's good enough for me. I'd like to have that kind of impact on everyone I meet but I realize that that is a bit outrageous. Just to know that something as simple as a blog, as long as a couple pages of paper, could make someone want to better themselves... That's good stuff.

I don't get paid to do this, I'm not a motivational speaker or writer or whatever, I just do it because it is one thing that I can put my heart into and something I can enjoy and be 100% real about. That's funny because I hear people tell me that I should look into journalism, make this a career. That would be nice to get paid to do something that I absolutely love doing but when you really absolutely love doing something, you do it for free.

Of course I do it for free. And I can't help but try to more when I realize that I can make an impact with my words.

"You get what you pay for" it is only true with materialistic things. Free advice can be worth everything if you get it from the right people

You can say all the right things, but they aren't worth a thing unless you mean it.

Until something else inspires me, I stay waiting...

-->Alex Richey<--

Number 10: Warm Summer Nights

2009-01-19T23:45:00.000-05:00

Remember that old saying, "You want what you can't have" or some bullsh*t like that? Of course you do, we all do. And we all probably think it's a bunch of.. well, bullsh*t lol.

I know I do, well did atleast. The truth is self-evident now.

I remember, few months back, I kinda had this thing for this one girl and I think she had a thing for me in return but I'm not really sure, that's not the point anyways really. We talked a little bit, texted eachother a lot, and saw eachother a lot too at work lol. Well we never had a relationship. I'm not saying I wanted one, I really just wanted to get to know her a little better (she was one of those secretive types), but she thought I wanted to get with her. We was talkin' one night after we was sure that we didn't have anykind of realationship happening and I remember her saying "You only wanted me because you couldn't have me." I was like damn, that kinda f*cked up lol. It wasn't true of course because I did like her kinda, and didn't really want the realtionship for sure either. It just made me mad because I'm not the kind of person to what something just cause I can't have it.

Well I know that I was right but I'm starting to think that I do want somethings just because I can't have them.

Highschool is a little bit of sh*tty this year, mainly becuase I don't have my three-anegroes around to hold me down. When they are in town, I'm tryin' to kick it with them everyday. Who wouldn't wanna hang with their closest homies when you don't get too as much as the good ol' days? Here is the thing, even though I spend the majority of my kickin' it time with these dudes, before they got shipped out, I didn't feel the need to hang out with them every weekend and when they were in town for a few good weeks over the holidays, I didn't always hang out with them either. I see now that I want these guys around a lot more because they are not around. I'm sure they miss everybody back here too, even though when they spend a lot of time with them, they get annoying.

I hate walking anywhere. Always have since I got a whip, never walked much since I got in highschool anyways, except for my freshman year and a little bit of the summer afterwards when Mike and me used to do it all the time for the hell of it. No, I'm not talkin' about wanting to drive when I can't, that's a terrible example because everyone has that feeling. I'm talkin' about warm summer nights. This winter has been damn cold, it is really making me miss the summer more that ever, the summer that I CAN'T HAVE RIGHT NOW!!! Ugh.... Pissin' me off... Like I said, I hate walking but nothin' quite beats a nice walk in the perfect weather of a summer night. Even just walkin' out in my back yard and stickin' my feet in the pool, sh*t is lovely. But ya know what, can't even do it right now. IT IS SO F*CKIN' COLD! I hate the winter...

Well I hate it when it is just cold. Winter serves no purpose to me if there is no snow. And guess what, it has only snowed and stuck... once. Here atleast. It definitely did make last night a lot more interesting though. I hit a curb in my car when I lost control while I was taking Matt to Frank's and thought I broke something but I didn't thankfully. And playing in the snow with Kels and Aleisha and some other peoples was pretty fun (view pics on facebook lol). I would definitely trade the fun in the snow for fun in the sun that's for sure.

It's just ironic how just about a month ago I had something taken away from me that I really cared about. I was sh*tty and wanted it back, but I couldn't have it. Few weeks later, I could have it, but I had already moved on and didn't really care to have it back. Seems like I wanted it only because I couldn't have it. Now I'm not sure how I feel about that. I kinda want it, but i feel as if it has less value than it had at first. I feel like I'm not bothered too much by not having it. Should I feel like an as$ hole for not waiting around? Naw... Definitely not.

Here's another saying that a lot of us think of as bullsh*t..."It's all about wanting what you've got..." or some other bullsh*t like that. I know I didn't get those entirely right, but everyone who reads knows what I'm getting at.

I think the whole thing goes like "It's not about wanting what you can't have, It's about loving what you've got."

Sounds pretty good to me... I think that's what I'm gonna be about. It's what we all need to be about, and sometimes all we need to do is be thankful for what we do have.

Don't pass up on something you have already because you think you can have something that is possibly better. You might get around to realizing that you let a good thing go. When you try to go back and get it, it might not be there anymore.

You can always want more, but can't always have it. And you can always, ALWAYS have less...

Marinate on that...

-->Alex Richey<--

Number Nine: My Intervention (Getting Real With Myself)

2009-01-14T23:56:00.000-05:00

So I'm just gonna put this out there, I'm one of the realest people, if not the realest person I know. Yeah, sounds a little cocky, which I'm not trying to be but that's the way it came out. I'm real with everybody, about everything. And no, it hasn't always been that way but I have been the person that I am for well over a year now so it's probably been about that long. I've been the Alex Jordan Richey that I am since early in my junior year of highschool. Since I guess you could say I found where I belong and the friends in which I belong with. My niche.

No more little Alex Richey the little boy that is sad on the inside all the time and don't talk to many people if anyone at all about it, instead spills pain through the pen onto the personal little notebook or onto the keyboard typing blogs about how sh*tty I am feeling at the time. That's not me anymore, nor has that been me for a while now. I birthed a new me, evolved I guess but of course I didn't turn into a perfect person, just a better one. But nobody is perfect, duh...

I became a real person, and a really happy person most of time. No, I haven't completely changed, I'm still Alex Richey and I will always be me. There will always be some of me that most people don't know, but they really don't need to either. I'm still capable of blowing minds by writing an incredible blog about how I feel on a topic, by letting people get a sample of what goes on in my head which is more complex than most. I assure you that... There is definitely a lot goin' on up there.

But rewind to the top for a minute. There is something wrong, that's why I'm having this "intervention" with myself. Like I said, I'm one of the realest people you will ever meet, that's just who I choose to be. I'm real with everyone.... Everyone except myself.

That's right!!!!! Little ol' me is the only one I lie to. I'm real and honest with everybody but I just caught myself today, being unreal, and untrue to myself. Letting my mind try to convince me of things that aren't right for me. Not one thing in specific but I realized that I haven't been real with myself in a lot of ways but I'm real with everyone else in everyway.

I was listening to my Charles Hamilton today (that's everyday now lol) and it was the "Intervention" mixtape actually and I caught this line he said in one of his songs called "Supernatural Vacation" it said...

"The only person I gotta worry about being real to is me."

I was like "Damn, this dude has a point. Why didn't I think of that?" And that's not even what inspired me to write this today, I was already thinkin' about doin' it, that just gave me a little extra push I guess.

So I decided that that is what I'm gonna do, kinda. I'm not gonna change the way I am to other people, I'm still gonna be 100% real. No fake sh*t because I can't stand fake people and I don't want to be something I hate. I'm not saying that I hated myself before I got hit with this epiphany because I wasn't fake to anyone but myself, therefore I didn't realize. Blind to it I guess.

Now I see, and now I have found myself. I'm no longer going to let outside forces influence who I am. I'm going to be influence by Alex Jordan Richey. Can't really ask for a better person to be influenced by lol.

I'm writing in the sky now, leaving a positive impression on everything I touch.

I have started to figure out what I want to do with my life, post high school. I know I plan on attending the University of Evansville and I was pretty sure that it was set in stone, until I got my report card last week. I had a 2.7 gpa. I TWO POINT MUTHA F*CKIN SEVEN! Seriously, I'm so much smarter than that, it was just one class that f*cked me. Now this is an example of where I was being unreal with myself. I was letting the outside forces influence my work in the classroom. Someone who is real with themselves wouldn't allow something like that to happen. Now I gotta pick up slack, make sure I bust my as$ to make up for my f*ck up. Gotta be real with myself and do what's best for number one, me duh...

I didn't know what was going on with me, now I have an idea.

Like I was thinking about some of the stuff I do, I might sound so nice to other people but I realize how stupid I sound to myself. This is me, I sometimes let a little too much of my personal side out to people, but that's just me being real to them and I try to get people to open up in return but not everybody is gonna be real with you in return so it don't always happen. People tell me about how they got sh*t going on in their head that bothers them too. I tell them that it is okay to cry. Which it is, crying is a healthy process that the body undergoes to relieve stress. We should do it. Then they ask me if I do.... Well no, not really. Then I realize what a hypocrite I am. I tell people that it is okay to let your emotions out, and be real with themselves, and here I am. I haven't cried since 8th grade when Bailey died. And I balled my eyes out in school. I ain't gonna lie about it because I loved that damn dog lol. But seriously, who am I to try to tell people what they should do because it is better for them and I don't even do whats best for me? Unbelieveable...

Time to get real with me...

Today somebody told me that I have girl problems... No not quite, I told them that girls have a problem with me. They were talkin' bout how I'm usually unsure about my female situation. Which is true but at the same time I don't consider it my problem because I know what I want, but most females never know what they want. Sorry ladies, but it's true. WELL... Today I feel like I realized another flaw. No, I will not correct myself on what I just wrote but I feel like I don't want these things quite as much as I thought. Instead after some thought, and a talk with my girl Cassy after school today who seemed to know more about what I wanted then I knew myself. Well I'm more sure now than ever on what I want to do about this topic. Time to get real with me. It's about doin' what makes me happy and what is the best for me.

I'm finally a 100% real dude and I'm surrounded with real.

My friend Brandon once said "Today is a gift, that's why they call it the present."

Now you can interpret this in anyway you like too. Like, tomorrow is not promised to us so we gotta make the best of today and every day. That type of thing. Or you can think about those days, like I had today. I really learned something about myself, something that is gonna help me live my life to the fullest. Now what kinda gift is better than that?

If you took time to read My Intervention, I appreciate it, REAL TALK lol. I'm just trying to improve me and I hope that seeing me become better might just help somebody else do the same.

The hardest thing to find is yourself, but you will never find a treasure of greater value.

I think I'm gonna write that in the sky...

-->Alex Richey<--

Number Eight: It Ranks Up There In The Top Five Best and Worst Days Lol

2009-01-11T21:55:00.000-05:00

Oh kayy so I'm sitting here on the computer as usual... It's an everyday thing for us all, we're physically challenged but not technologically. I dunno if thats good or bad. At this current moment I wish I was a WHOLE LOT more physically fit lol.

So yesterday was Kelsey's birthday and I spent the entire night with her pretty much. I dunno what to call us at this point but I know we have fun together, especially yesterday lol. Yesterday being her birthday and being her birthday we went to do her most favorite thing in the world and something that I have never done, snowboarding. Paoli Peaks midnight madness.

So being the confident person that I am I was really looking forward to it, how hard could it be right? And I used to skateboard... not much of a difference right? Just you don't get off the board but snow feels a hell of a lot more better that the concrete right? WRONG!!!

Sh*t was hard lol...

I've never busted my as$ so many times in my life... I thought I had sprained my wrist a couple times too lol... Plus I smacked my head on the ground more than enough times and the snow is not as gentle as it seems. Plus I got plowed over by some skiier when I was actually gettin' the hang of it lol.

But don't get me wrong, it was so fun.

Well, once I got going of course lol. I was afraid to go fast most of the time but who wouldn't be? After I learned how to slow down and stop I was a lot more confident on the board. Not to mention while I look like a damn fool, Kelsey is lookin' like the female Shawn White lol. But on a real note, I haven't had much more fun ever. There is no better air than the nighttime air during the winter, especially with the snow on the ground. It's just refreshing, and it feels pretty good when your riding down the slope. Yeah it was cold too but I was very bundled, plus with that hard ass workout, I did more sweating than freezing lol.

Man it sucks to stand up, sit down, stairs are extra shitty but it's all well worth it. She is I think. I would do it again no doubt.

We went up there is Eric and Keith, which made me feel a bit better because they really weren't any better that me, probably worse actually lol. But to Kelsey I was still a laughing stock, but I can laugh at myself too. Jordan was there with his girl, and he is a kick ass skiier and she isn't bad at snowboarding. It was pretty cool seeing them but that was just more of my friends that can laugh at me later lol. Oh well, embarrassment is part of life and it's not so bad if we can all learn to laugh at ourselves.

Snow boarding was definitely not something I ever saw myself doing but when I actually did it I had a lot of fun, and I would definitely do it again. Sh*t I might do it a lot more if the oppourtunity arises.

Here is one thing that I have realized. Some say this is true and others don't, yes it is life but life is a game. Not a video game but more like a game that you play in, a sport, a game you prepare for. Basketball, football, volleyball, etc. Everyday is practice for moments like these. And in life YOU HAVE TO TAKE CHANCES! No doubt about that... You have to take chances, put that on repeat. What is life without taking risks? Where will you go? Nowhere! How many great things have happened because someone decided to step up and take a chance? Uhh... pretty much all of the great things that have happened lol. You gotta take chances, take the chance to change your life, make a life changing decision. And DEFINITELY give people chances as well. You never know what the person could turn out to be. It could be a person who could change your life, for the better and yes, for the worse, but that is a lessoned well learned.

Don't pass up on anything or anybody just because you are unsure! Give chances, just one maybe but sometimes that's all it takes. Passing up on someone or something could be the worst decision ever because you never gave them or it a chance to change your life.

Wow, I love how something like snowboarding can make me have an epiphany like this lol. I'm not one that is soley set on fate, I believe that you have to make things happen yourself, and take those chances. Then things can work out the way they are supposed too.

Maybe this will continue on, I dunno but anything is possible. Just gotta give it a chance lol.

-->Alex Richey<--

Number Seven: Sobered Up

2009-01-08T23:41:00.001-05:00

So much for being high on life... I got sober. Today just put a hurtin' on my feeling of joy. Don't get it twisted, it's not like I'm miserable over here, I just didn't have a fantastic day. The thing that has made my irrefutable feeling of joy go away is that I don't know if things will continue to fall or if they will pick back up.

I'm just a little confused now with what to do, and who to trust around here. I thought that I was good for a while, thought that winter break had pumped me up enough to last until March but I guess not. It all starts with drama of course... that he said she said bull sh*t. There is nothing that can be done about it and seems to never go the right way for me.

For one I don't know why I am the topic of anyone's gossip... It's not like I am involved with everybody or that I make some kinda huge impact on their lives. So why am I brought up in conversation? Why is shit talked about me, some he said that she said that I said bull sh*t that is far from true. And if you read this and think I'm talkin bout you, your probably right. It just makes me feel like I can't trust nearly as many people as I thought I could, and it's not even like somebody let out some secret of mine, they made something up...

Plus I'm just a little stressed out. Somebody that I care about got hurt today and I haven't really got the chance to find out how she is doing... Even I say that not knowing can be a good thing but not in this situation, I would love all the details right about now, got me worried pretty bad and it's worse that I can't do anything about it...

I can't really share all my thoughts today, the rest of it is just a little too personal for the public.

-->Alex Richey<--

Number Six: Making Progress

2009-01-07T23:13:00.000-05:00

So I didn't realize how much more difficult it would be to make post on here once school started lol. School is busy busy busy and it's my last semester so it is no joke of course. All I really need to worry about is these two research papers, Spanish III and English 12. It's not gonna be any fun, writing either one of them, well I might have some fun with the English paper but probably not...

But things are still good... I'm still feeling like I'm on top of the world lol, things haven't really got any better by a whole lot but that's cuz they are pretty good at the moment... and things definitely haven't got any worse.

I'm just filled with zero complaints, and that's rare for anyone to say. Things are coasting along very well. I'm not all jumpy and filled with joy like I was the other day lol but that's cuz I'm just laid back and chillin'.. Being me of course, that's what I'm best at.

Today was pretty fun, after school just hung out with kelsey all day. Went to bdub's with her rents then I took her to meet my mom. Like I said things are just coasting along very well... looking like it will only get better. That's the plan at least lol. I really hope I can go to paoli with her on her b-day saturday... Pops ain't giving me straight answers though.. Being a hater lol. That's my dad for ya...

Well that's all for today... I'm thinkin bout shutting down the myspace but I'm not so sure yet. Guess we will see when the time comes....

-->Alex Richey<--

Number Five: Last Night of Winter Break

2009-01-05T00:16:00.000-05:00

So I'm posted up in front of the computer on my last night of holiday break of my senior year. No complaints, no complaints what so ever. It was really good, glad I got to spend some quality time with my friends and my family. I also came out of it with a relationship... this girl makes me pretty happy and she is definitely unique. I was unsure about it at first but now I think that we are headed in a positive direction. Not gonna get to serious yet, just gonna go with the flow and it looks like it's flowing well.

Last night was a pretty good night to end the break on even though tonight was my actual last night of it. I kicked it at Trell's last night with him, Brandon, and Biddy. Trell's girl was there and I took Kelsey over there to meet and great my boys (see I'm for real bout this one). We just kicked it, drank a little bit but didn't get on any high levels with it lol. We had to do it, they all left for school today... Got me pretty shitty cuz there goes the homies...

You really learn to appreciate your true friends in times like these. It seems like I find my niche, the place where I belong, the people which whom I belong with, but they all get shipped off to college and I'm here to face my senior year without them around most of the time. That ain't getting me down though, I got other friends and even though it's not quite the same, I appreciate them as well.

Shout out to my boy Michael Chrisman, thats my dude right there... A dude that I found to be a true friend and I didn't realize I had any others besides Brandon, Trell, and Biddy until now.

I am... truely happy.. I feel like I got a lot goin' good right now thanks a lot to the people around me. Of course the people I have already mentioned in this blog thus far and a few others not mentioned. I hope things don't change or flip, I'm wanting all the good to just progress. I really want me and kelsey to work out... All is looking so positive and this winter break was just the boost I needed to get me through school to spring break. Hopefully school goes well, then life would be... perfect? Is that possible? That's stronger than the L-Word I think... definitely harder to come upon. Love or perfection? Which is more potent? I see a lot more love than perfection, but i think in order to have perfection you gotta have love in your life too because if you didn't have the love, your life wouldn't be perfect, you'd be missing something... DUH!!! All you need is love love love... I don't even like the beatles lol.

"I'm high off life... F*ck it I'm wasted..." that is my shit!!!!!!!!!!!!! And it is exactly how I feel right now!! Shit is so good at the moment. It would be dope if a shit load of people read this and could feel me on how good I feel right now. Gotta love that Charles Hamilton shit, makes me love music again.

And shout out to my LOUISVILLE CARDINALS!!! Especially the amigo Edgar Sosa for looking like he did his freshman year again. That game was DOPE!

Here is the way of life for the time being.. "Rule No. 76 No excuses, Play like a champion" courtesy of Wedding Crashers lol. Good f*cking movie.

I'm writing in the sky, I'm leaving an impression on everybody and everything.. I hope my happiness rubs off on everybody I meet. Then everybody could be almost or as happy as me.

Ahhhh so good so good... I can't really think of anything wrong right now. Well, except that I really need some new shoes on the whip lol but that's nothing that I can't take care of.

I've done spilled my guts on here, I can't really think of much else on my mind at the moment that i need to share. Guess its the index and the middle until next time...

-->Alex Richey<--

Number Four: The Fourth Blog

2009-01-03T00:48:00.000-05:00

I know right... Can't even think of a title for today. Guess there was just nothing interesting enough to sum my day up with. It wasn't anything special... just another day.

I got up out the bed around 10:30 in the a.m. then i got in the shower. Headed out the door bout an hour after gettin up, dropped off my sisters then got the money. Hung out at my mom's place then went back to my dad's and sat there until i went to work at like 4:30... WORK!! was bull shit. I did bad and I got yelled at, guess I deserved it.

I got to see A LOT of friends tonight though, bunch of people ate at the roadhouse tonight, some I was a little more excited to see than others lol.

And ooooooooo maaannnn i got that double tomorrow, oh well, get that bread.

Tomorrow night should be fun though, and sad. Its my 3-anegroes last night at home tomorrow. I'm thinkin we should go out in a good way since they wont be home for a long ass time. F*ckin hate it, all my close homies being gone most of the time.

So I'm just sitting here listening to my Charles Hamilton... Right now I'm on Sonic The Hamilton. This mixtape is fire. Shit all his music is fire.

I don't know why i feel obligated to do this but since i started just a few days ago it feels routine, a prolly wont stop anytime soon and eventually I'll put one in here that is one of my real blogs. like the ones on my myspace, the blogs that blow peoples' minds away.

I'm capable of greatness I know, I've already shown it... just cant bring the beast out all the time.

I NEED SOME INSPIRATION!!!!!!!!!!!

so inspire me...

-->Alex Richey<--

Number Three: The First of The Year

2009-01-02T00:24:00.001-05:00

So I lied... I didn't get gone last night lol. I was a good boy...

Went out to eat with some friend, then went to watch the ball drop at one of their houses. At about 1 a.m. I started party hoppin' but i only went to like three of them. A lot of my homies were super drunk, I found it quite comical. I had to drive so I stayed away from it... I'm not much of a drinker anyways.

So I did some serious thinking... This is the time of changing for the better, I'm talkin about resolutions of course. A lot of people make them, very few carry them out. Some of them are to stop smoking, stop drinking, stop being a fat ass, stop having sex with random people, stop being an ass hole to everybody... I don't have problems like that. If I have a problem it's that I spend a little too much money on silly sh*t but I really don't have a problem with that.

So I decided not to make a resolution.... Until today.

I kinda have two..

1.) I want to make a lasting impression of positivity on the new people I meet. I know that's kinda goofy cuz you cant please everyone but I think that I'm a good guy and somebody well worth knowing so I think it's possible.

2.) I want to change a life... For the better of course lol. I have no idea how I plan on doing that but that's what it's about isn't it? Things like that just happen... I'm not gonna stay up late at night and plan on how to do something like that. But when the time is right... I'll know I'm sure.

Welp I don't really have much else on my mind... guess I'm gonna hop off here and go watch a movie or something. Prolly gonna eat cuz I don't have to stop being a fat ass lol.

-->Alex Richey<--

Number Two: The last Blog I'll Ever Write... In '08

2008-12-31T15:19:00.000-05:00

So... half past the hour of three on new years eve.. The last day of 2008. Its safe to say by me that it was and overall great '08.

I guess I could review it somewhat... The majority of the year I was in a relationship... That was fun.. No complaints, just didnt feel like I wanted to stay in it since half way through this oncoming year I will be moving a couple hours away to school. I worked... a lot... and spent a lot of that money on bullshit lol. I went to Chi-town which inspired me to drop a bomb on the world of blogging on my myspace. might do you some good to go read it... blog.myspace.com/arich0991 got some pretty good shit on there. There isn't really much to some up from the year... I just kinda did my thing. No near life changing experiences or nothing like that it was just 2008, no complaints.

I guess the best part of it was really finding out who i think i am... and who i want to be for the rest of my life. I dont have much growning left to do, I realize that but i also realize that I'm not fully grown that I'm not done with the growing process. Physically and mentally.. Well we always keep growing mentally. Unless of course something fucks up our brains lol.

speaking of which... my uncle just got taken to wellstone hospital. He is bi-polar manic depressant... the same shit the guy on "A beautiful Mind" has.. not good shit. Granny is pretty torn up about it but we're sure he is gonna be okay.

well there aint much else on my mind on the moment... just reminiscing '08 and thinkin a little bit about this upcoming year. especially the next six months. Most important six months of my life so far. Not gonna be a female and overthink things though lol... and yeah that was a stab at women lol. (sorry ladies, you know i love ya)

Oh well... I'm audi like an R8... Trying to go out 2008 and bring in 2009 the right way.... by gettin gone tonigh lmao..

until next time

-->Alex Richey<--

Number One: The First of Many

2008-12-31T02:49:00.000-05:00

It's almost 3:00 a.m. as I sit here and get started. Chronologically it is new years eve but since I haven't been to bed I still say it's the 30th. Some of our minds work like that, some one day at a time type shit. Guess mind does too. I mean of course, that's the way we have to do it. One day at a time, can't dwell on the past, can't worry too much about the future. And since we're stuck on the here and now, I'll just go ahead and put it out there that my here and now is pretty good. You won't here any complaints from me. I know that is totally irrelevant to anyone who made read this but I don't really care... "I'm high off life, fuck it I'm wasted..."

Thank you Mr. Charles Hamilton aka my new favorite rapper. Can't even call it rap... he's on a higher level. Thats real hip hop... Real music.

He is where I got "Writing in the sky" it's the name of one of his songs. I want to put a message out there with my writings, want to leave a good impression on somebody. First I gotta get readers and I'm not famous so that's not gonna be easy lol... people just aren't interested in good stuff nowadays.. simple minded fuckers. We can't help everyone.

So tonight was a nice night anyways. The championchip of the holiday tourney and my girl Cassy was crowned queen while I was the arm she held on to. She looked great, definitely deserved it. I was very glad that she won, i thought it was pretty cool that our student section showed me some love too lol...

So I don't know what to do with this blogspot thing. I finally made one... now what? do i upload pictures and change the layout or just let it chill and type in it? Knowledge comes with time and experience so i'll figure it out eventually. I think its gonna be my new thing. I might import it to my myspace and facebook but i dunno, that might be doing too much... Guess we will figure out when the time comes and i get to it. I feel like a damn fool because I'm probably talking to nobody but thats the way things go sometimes. Every great success had to start somewhere.

Might as well start here...

-->Alex Richey<--